Advertisement -- Learn more about ads on this site.

    LMULLINS4LIFE   51,575
50,000-59,999 SparkPoints

How am I? Let me tell lies.

Friday, March 08, 2013

Yesterday was not the best day. My Facebook status at the end of the afternoon read, "Today = FAIL". Why?

Well, I felt like I got nothing accomplished at all. I hardly got any work done. I had vowed to start training in earnest this week because my 8-week half marathon training plan starts next Monday. I skipped my lunch hour 2-mile run...for no apparent reason other than the fact that I didn't feel like doing it. I have had a rough week with patience with the kids and things are just super busy, so I'm stressed. Also, I've got some extra hormones going on this week, if you know what I mean. It was just a downer of a day.

But, man, I have some amazing friends and family. No sooner did I post that status than I received encouraging notes from several of my closest and dearest. I also saw a great TED Talk about being wholehearted and conquering shame, which spoke to me deeply. It was very powerful. Check it out when you have 20 minutes to won't regret it.

Thinking about this message got me wondering...what DID I accomplish today? Well, more than I was giving myself credit for, that's for sure.

1. I got the kids up and ready and out the door on time, as I do every single day they are with me.
2. They got to their bus stop on time and weren't late to school.
3. I packed a healthy lunch for them.
4. I got to work on time.
5. I had a great meeting with my boss and co-worker.
6. I reconciled the company credit card in Quickbooks.
7. I scheduled several meetings for my boss.
8. I didn't blow up at my kids once.
9. I took the girls skating and spent some one on one time with the boy going bowling and playing pool and air hockey.
10. I got the kids in bed.

So...that's not really NOTHING.

Those who love me remind me repeatedly that I must have compassion and kindness for myself. This was also highlighted in the TED Talk (link above).

In the spirit of compassion for Leah, it is helpful to think about all the things that I have accomplished recently and that I should feel some measure of pride about:

emoticon I somehow put $600 down on a new aparment.

emoticon I moved into said apartment on a work day and got all my boxes in by myself.

emoticon I caught up on all my debts and my bills are all paid and current.

emoticon I have provided a home for my 3's not a perfect home, but it is a nice place for them to be with me.

emoticon Of course my kids are struggling - what kid wouldn't when their parents get divorced? But, they still frequently smile. They are still happy children. They are MORE THAN taken care of in both homes. They still say, "You're the best mommy!" when I do something that pleases them. They still tell me that they love their Daddy.

emoticon I have an exceptionally amicable relationship with my ex-husband. We are friends and we still keep in touch. We don't fight and we don't make the transitions hell for the kids either. We can be together in the same room...and we are....every single week at church.

emoticon I have maintained my faith throughout this whole ordeal...and continue to spend time with God and try to figure out how I relate to Him. If you think that is an easy task with Shame riding on your back, you have got another thing coming, friend.

emoticon I bought a car. Outright, with cash at a dealership. I own a car. For the first time in my life.

emoticon I have stayed focused on my job and done the very best I can do at work. To my knowledge, I have not let anyone down horribly as I've navigated through this divorce. I have tried to stay as professional as possible at work and I believe I've succeeded.

All of these things, I've done in a span of about 5 weeks. I can hardly believe it's only been a little over a month. In one week, the divorce will be final.

Here's the thing: I feel great. I don't feel lonely. I mourned the death of this marriage several months ago and those emotions have long since passed. I feel completely loved, fulfilled and happy right now. That's not to say I don't have rough days like yesterday or that everything is perfect (you should have seen the tantrums my kids threw on Monday night). It's just to say...there is grace for such a time as this. And I could possibly extend a little bit of that to myself.

I'm through with shame and worrying about how things look to everyone else. I am done with feeling bad about myself because people don't approve of an adult decision that I made after years of consideration.

So, I am letting it go. And I am living in freedom. And how I am today.

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
AWOOD1973 4/26/2013 5:54AM

    Good for you! That's the way you SHOULD live! No regrets and enjoying every moment that you are given! Congrats to you on ALL of your accomplishments, big and small! :)

Report Inappropriate Comment
MARYJEANSL 4/26/2013 12:21AM

  Impressive in every way.

Report Inappropriate Comment
SHANNONY84 4/25/2013 7:05AM

    Your amazing! Just remember that when you feel like you've done nothing!

Report Inappropriate Comment
WARMSPRINGDAY 3/31/2013 10:41PM


Report Inappropriate Comment
MELTEAGUE 3/21/2013 7:00PM

    You are blessed....

Report Inappropriate Comment
OPTIMIST1948 3/17/2013 9:04PM

    Sometimes we focus more on our daily failures instead of our successes. Congratulations on realizing how many positive things you do for everyone in your life. Good luck on beating the Shame demon. I hear he doesnt like long runs. (too bumpy)

Report Inappropriate Comment
KATHIC2 3/17/2013 7:44AM

  Well done. Own it.

Report Inappropriate Comment
ELIZABETH5268 3/13/2013 12:58AM

    You have a lot to be proud of. I love checking in with you and your blogs; you are upbeat and making the best of what comes your way.

Report Inappropriate Comment
KIPPER15 3/10/2013 8:39PM

    You are a marvel. So much grace under such pressure. You are the best Mommy. I am so glad you have discovered that you can move on. Well done. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
HEALTHY4HIM 3/10/2013 9:42AM

    You are fantastic, Leah!!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
MANDELOVICH 3/9/2013 10:17PM

    Wow, you have done an amazing job and have a lot to feel great about! I'm so glad you took the time to give yourself credit for this amazing list of accomplishments! Great for you!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
KARENLEIGH32 3/9/2013 9:26PM

    Very good, you have to do what's best for you and your children. As far as having bad days, we all do whether we are married, divorced or single parents. Hang in there you are doing wonderful!

Report Inappropriate Comment
REMEMBER2BME 3/9/2013 7:26PM

    I am just so happy to read this blog. It is absolutely AMAZING what you have accomplished in 5 weeks. AMAZING. What would you type if I wrote this blog. You would be so impressed and proud of me for making tough decisions and following through, taking charge and succeeding. You should be so proud of yourself. I am speechless.

Report Inappropriate Comment
A-DAY-AT-A-TIME 3/9/2013 5:04PM


Report Inappropriate Comment
SHOAPIE 3/9/2013 4:12PM


Report Inappropriate Comment
REGILIEH 3/9/2013 3:11PM

    You are the only one that is responsible for your decisions and you will only have God to answer to so you are right on not to think about what others think. Remember, others are not walking in your shoes and if your decisions are wrong, and some will be as we are not perfect, you will be the one to answer for them. It sounds like you are on a very good path for you. Hang in there! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment

    You're just awesome. Shame is a powerful force. You're doing well in a most difficult situation. Take as good a care of yourself as you do your kids. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
PATTISTAMPS 3/9/2013 12:57PM

    Can I just say "AMEN". You have made huge changes in your life, and change is always stressful, even when it is for the better. I loved the comment about the New Year's jar, and think it is a great idea. In fact, you can read the notes every day if you want to. You have a lot to be proud of. Hugs

Report Inappropriate Comment
SLIMLEAF 3/9/2013 10:56AM

    Leah, I am in awe of your achievements! Make sure you re-read your blog post from today whenever you're feeling a failure!

Well done and remember - one little step at a time. That will be enough.

Report Inappropriate Comment
DJSHIP46 3/9/2013 10:03AM

    You are amazing!!! Hang in there... it will get better!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
NILLAPEPSI 3/9/2013 9:39AM

    Wow! You amaze me!! Hang in there. Your SparkFriends have your back. emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MEH50BEWELL 3/9/2013 8:14AM

    You are and continue to be the BEST Mom because you are taking care of yourself and your children. All you have accomplished in 5 weeks is clearly more than I have done WITHOUT all the emotional stress you are dealing with. God is clearly with you, it is apparent when reading this blog. Peace my SP friend.

Report Inappropriate Comment
GRUMBLEGIRL 3/9/2013 7:38AM

    So glad you posted this. We are all braver, stronger, and smarter than we give ourselves credit for. Thanks for pointed that out. Can't wait to see the TED talk. Take care and give yourself a break!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
BESSHAILE 3/9/2013 6:21AM

    I love Bravelute's idea of making a new year's eve jar - and I'll add to it - you ought to print that list and tape it up on your bathroom mirror.

Who loves ya baby? I hope you do.

Report Inappropriate Comment
GOING-STRONG 3/9/2013 12:16AM


Yes, YOU are enough and you are doing great with all the changes going on in your life. So glad that you are moving in the direction of your heart. It isn't always easy but that road will lead to greater peace and happiness for sure.

Report Inappropriate Comment
COCK-ROBIN 3/8/2013 10:56PM


Report Inappropriate Comment
PEGGYO 3/8/2013 10:25PM


Report Inappropriate Comment
WONDERWOMAN 3/8/2013 10:05PM


Report Inappropriate Comment
AMBER281 3/8/2013 9:19PM

    You have accomplished a lot.
Good luck with your training!

Report Inappropriate Comment
BRAVELUTE 3/8/2013 7:56PM

    This list needs to be printed, cut apart, and each slip added to your New Years Eve Jar--You know, the jar where you drop in all of your accomplishments, wonderful happenings, milestones, as they happen. Then on New Years Eve, You read each slip of paper and remember, and marvel at all the wonderful things of the past year.

If you don't have one, do it tonight!! Set a goal to remember to add things to it. Wouldn't hurt for your kids to have a jar either!

Report Inappropriate Comment
PHOENIX1949 3/8/2013 7:51PM

    Enjoyed the link and your blog. Had a couple of AHA moments. Thank you.

Report Inappropriate Comment
PRETTYPITHY 3/8/2013 7:40PM

    I applaud you.

Report Inappropriate Comment
JUNEAU2010 3/8/2013 7:40PM

    What a beautiful blog! You are fabulous! emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
KRYSTALLA 3/8/2013 7:37PM

    That is a lot that you got done and have had to deal with. You deserve some "me" time.


Report Inappropriate Comment
CHARTHESTAR 3/8/2013 6:47PM

    You have gotten so much done in a short amount of time- you need to take a day and not do so much-- It is good for you.

congratulations on the new apartment, and even bigger YEA! for your first car. It is a great feeling! You have had a lot of victories this last 6 months. Be proud of yourself!

I think TED talks are great too. Thanks for the heads up about this one.

Remember Progress NOT Perfection!

Comment edited on: 3/8/2013 6:49:06 PM

Report Inappropriate Comment
CINDYW1102 3/8/2013 6:34PM

    Wow...I'm glad you took a step back and re-thought your perceptions about how productive you were. Sounds to me like you are incredibly focused and productive. I tend to have those kinds of days sometimes and I'll tell you honestly that I truly believe its your hormonal fluctuations more than anything else. Just sit back and tell yourself: "This too shall pass" and in a day or so, it usually does! You keep hanging in there! emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
TAMMYINPA 3/8/2013 6:02PM

    I don't know it, it sure seems like you have been doing a bunch of things. Don't be down on yourself for 1 missed run. This too will pass. You know you can do anything you set your mind to. Take care of yourself.

Report Inappropriate Comment
LINDAK25 3/8/2013 6:00PM

    Wow, I love that you took that negative feeling and turned it around. It's fantastic that you're doing well. Good for you! Hooray!

Report Inappropriate Comment
MOM-MOM8 3/8/2013 5:31PM

    emoticon You have accomplished a lot in a short amount of time. You are happy and the kids are happy, that is what counts most. We need to let people and their opinions go because they didn't walk in our shoes. You are handling a lot but also need to love yourself. Keep up the emoticon work! You are in my prayers. emoticon emoticon Have a great week end!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
HEALTHY4ME 3/8/2013 5:30PM

    WOW you are doing great, and have accomplished a great deal in a short time. I commend you on how it is working out and that you have done well for your kids. HUGS and yes sometimes give Leah a soft place to land!HUGS

Report Inappropriate Comment
WORLDSERIES11 3/8/2013 5:21PM

    Glad to hear you are doing so well!! Give yourself the credit you deserve!!
Love Brene Brown! I saw her in person once at a conference and I've read a couple of her books....such wisdom and compassion to be learned from her!!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
AUSFAM 3/8/2013 5:19PM

    Great idea to make a "done" list to see accomplishments. I know it's easier said than done but really is it anyone's business what you and your husband decide to do with your relationship!? I'm proud of you for finding strength and I thank you for sharing your struggles with all of us--you are truly an amazing woman!

Report Inappropriate Comment


Report Inappropriate Comment
CINDHOLM 3/8/2013 4:49PM

    emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
TORIAMAE 3/8/2013 4:45PM

    I love that Brene Brown talk! You have so much to be proud of !

Report Inappropriate Comment
OBIESMOM2 3/8/2013 4:41PM

    does anybody else hear the Wonder Woman theme play when they read this blog?

you are doing great! There will always be tough times, but you've proved you can survive them. Sometimes we are our own worse critics.

emoticon GO LEAH!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
HOLLYM48 3/8/2013 4:39PM

I hope things are looking a bit brighter soon. Hang in there. Time heals so much.

Report Inappropriate Comment
OLIVIANIGHT 3/8/2013 4:34PM

    You really are Super Woman. That day of 'nothing' sounds far more productive than my whole week!
I'm glad you're feeling so positive : )

Report Inappropriate Comment

Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

Log in to post a comment.

Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

Other Entries by LMULLINS4LIFE