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"I'm Rested and I'm Ready to Begin"


Friday, March 08, 2013

Songs speak to me. Often, the only way I can process my thoughts and feelings is by listening to a particular song.

For the last couple of months, a song has been following me around: The Avett Brother’s “February 7”. From the moment I heard it, I loved it. The first time I really heard it (as in I listened to the lyrics) I got all teary on the line, “But I awoke and you were standing there.”

Who knows what the song is really about but for me it has been a song of redemption. The last year has been difficult (sorry, I have discussed this A LOT) and I feel like I am finally seeing daylight.

Nobody gets out of this world without help from someone else. For me that help has come in so many different forms. My parents, my friends, my special Sparkfriends, teachers, coworkers, my husband, ministers, complete strangers. No matter what has been going on in my life, someone has been there. There is not one moment when I’ve had to endure anything alone. I don’t deserve it, often I push it away, but it is a grace for which I am eternally grateful.

Unfortunately, many times, the person least willing to help me has been me. I can be my own worst enemy. I am sure many people can identify with that. I trade “what I know” for “how I feel.” I want things to be easy. I don’t want to feel discomfort. I wait for the knight on the white horse to wisk me away from whatever is ailing me. But then I feel guilty and want the knight to go away because I should have been able to handle it on my own.

When it comes to my journey to a healthier me, I am seeing that the road doesn’t end until the day I die. Until then, I have every day to either own it, or not. (Shout out to Tammy!) There’s no “fortune” or “spoils.” Just life. Just people. Just choices. I can beat myself up over every little bad thing or recognize that I am human.

I was mentally out of commission most of last year. And I am finally okay with that. It was the best I could do. I could have worked harder. I could have been more focused. But I didn’t and I wasn’t. It’s done. People still love me anyway. I even love me.

It’s taken me a while but I feel like things are finally back in perspective. I am moving in the in right direction. As the song says, “I’m rested and I’m ready to begin.”

FEBRUARY 7 – by The Avett Brothers

I went on the search for something true.
I was almost there when I found you.
Sooner than my fate was wrote
Perfectly it slit my throat
And beads of lust released into the air.
When I awoke you were standing there.

I was on the mend when I fell through.
The sky around was anything but blue.
I found as I regained my feet
A wound across my memory
That no amount of stitches would repair.
But I awoke and you were standing there.

There's no fortune at the end of the road that has no end.
There's no returning to the spoils
Once you've spoiled the thought of them.
There's no falling back asleep
Once you've wakened from the dream
Now I'm rested and I'm ready,
I'm rested and I'm ready to begin.
I'm ready to begin.

I went on the search for something real.
Traded what I know for how I feel.
But the ceiling and the walls collapsed
Upon the darkness I was trapped
And as the last of breath was drawn from me
The light broke in and brought me to my feet.

There's no fortune at the end of the road that has no end.
There's no returning to the spoils
Once you've spoiled the thought of them.
There's no falling back asleep
Once you've wakened from the dream.
Now I'm rested and I'm ready
I'm rested and I'm ready
Yeah I'm rested and I'm ready
I'm rested and I'm ready
Yeah I'm rested and I'm ready
I'm rested and I'm ready
To begin.
I'm ready to begin.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
BSTAKINGACTION 3/10/2013 9:11AM

    This is very beautifully written and full of some truly wonderful insight. I'm so happy for you! Let the gentle footfalls forward begin!

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