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    ABEAUTIFULMESS1   5,757
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One Day at a Time

Friday, March 08, 2013

If you're confused by the context of this blog, you can read the blog I posted previous to this one and things will make a little more sense.

So I've made it through 3 days....today is day 4. I feel a million times worse than I did on day 1....I think the shock is starting to wear off and its starting to become a lot more real. I went over to his place to get my things on Wednesday evening after work. I had to keep my sunglasses on so that he wouldn't be able to see my eyes (I had been crying off and on my entire drive over) and just got my things, dropped off his things that I had at my place, said "thanks" and then left...I had barely started my car before I just started sobbing again. I got home and he sent me a text message saying "I'm not mad at you, please don't hate me" I just text him back and said "I don't hate you, I just need some time to separate what our relationship was, to what its going to be" and left it at that.

On Wednesday night I just couldn't sleep because I wasn't able to get my brain to shut off and decided that it might help to go work out (even though I was still kind of congested). Well, while I was working out this guy started talking to me. I was trying to not be a jerk so I just responded politely when he asked me questions. Well, after I finished and was heading out to go home he stopped me and asked for my number and asked if I would want to hang out Thursday (yesterday). I was really hesitant to even give him my number because I'm just not in a place that I even want to talk to anyone, let alone some random guy I don't know. (Yes, it was flattering, esp. since I was in work out clothes, messy ponytail and no makeup, but still- not something I'm really wanting right now). Well, I decided why not, maybe it'll just take my mind off of things. So last night he came over and I made dinner (I know- he asked me and maybe he should have taken me out, but I felt more comfortable being in an environment that I knew and I made the suggestion) and we watched a movie. I was miserable the whole time. He seemed like a nice guy, but I just could not get myself to stop wishing that it was "The Boy", and not him. I don't know if I'll hear from him again or not- We will see... I don't really care either way to be honest.

I'm going to be going out with my friend Meaghan tonight so I'm not sitting at home. This weekend is going to be really rough- I usually spend the weekend at "The Boy's" and its what I look forward to.... Its going to be hard getting up Saturday and Sunday and get going- I'm not trying to be a downer, I'm just being realistic about what's going to happen. We are also supposed to get a blizzard on Saturday so I might be wanting to just stay at home- which would be okay if I was a little more stable emotionally, but I just don't like being completely alone right now. I'm used to waking up, making coffee, having breakfast with the boy and then going home and doing what I need to do for the day, and then going back over later in the evening and playing games, watching movies, etc.... I can watch movies at home, I can play games with other friends...but its just not the same... Sleeping alone has been harder too, especially knowing that its not just a few nights...its... indefinite....

Anywho.... Enough whining for now, even though I feel like I could go on for forever right now...

I've lost 4 more pounds, which is nice. I'm down a total of 24 pounds. My initial goal that I had set for myself was to be at 295 by my birthday (June 2), but now that I've started to lose more weight, I really think that I can get down to 285 by then. That's 23 pounds in 3 months. I think that's totally doable. So, I have a mini goal of 23 more pounds by June 2. That will make a total of 47 pounds lost. I haven't been lower than 286 since 2008 so one, it would be a great accomplishment, but also a new low (even if its just by a pound haha).

On a funny side note: One of my students (3rd grade girl) just said "Ms. E..., can I ask you a question?" (me) "Sure" (3rd grader) "Are you married?" (me) "No, I'm not" (3rd grader) "Do you have a boyfriend?" (me) "Nope" and then one of my 6th grade boys pipes up "If I was older I would be your boyfriend Ms. E... I really like you!" I don't know what I would do without my students sometimes haha. They are in the middle of having a little free time since we've been testing all week for TCAPs (state assessment).

I need to grab the rest of my kiddos and start science.

Until Next Time emoticon
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DRPOOH63 3/9/2013 11:13AM

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WHOVIANGIRL23 3/8/2013 5:07PM

    This makes me sad face, I wish I could give you a big hug. Just keep plugging away and doing nice things for yourself. Maybe go get a manicure or get your hair done or even get a massage, something to make you feel GOOD about being the wonderful beautiful woman that you are.

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CLPURNELL 3/8/2013 4:48PM

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DAUGHTEROFTWIN 3/8/2013 3:57PM

    My heart hurts for you Ms. E. Please continue to spend time with other people. Having someone around will help time pass. Gradually the short moments that you don't think about the Boy will get longer and longer. Try to keep yourself busy and distracted. Easy to say, maybe not so easy to do.

We've gotten a couple of light snow falls this year, but it's been years since we had a nice, deep, sledding/snowman snow. I sort of miss that.

I think it's great that you "found a friend" at the gym. There's no reason you need to jump back into anything serious right now. I'm proud of you for saying yes and giving it a try.

Congratulations on your 4 pound loss! I do hope you are eating though. Sometimes sleep and food kind of go out of the window when we are dealing with loss.

Try to have fun tonight. Hugs!

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RDGISME 3/8/2013 3:03PM

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KARRIMARIE 3/8/2013 2:26PM

    I think the days after are WAY worse than day 1 but you're doing amazing and it sounds like you have an incredible friend to help you through all of this. Boys are idiots regardless of their age. Keep moving forward :) emoticon

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