Friday, March 08, 2013
IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK!?
I'm up 1.5 lbs this week, and I know all the explanations for this: water retention due to muscle destruction, new muscle being built, my body freaking the eff out because of the new program.
I'm just so TIRED of it all. I'm tired of working and getting no where. I'm tired of not knowing if I'm eating too much, too little, just right. I'm tired of not knowing if I'm working out too much, too little or just enough. I'm tired of experimenting, I'm tired of trying to do new things when I get to plateaus.
I am tired of losing weight.
I vented all this on C and he asked me, "Have you considered that you're just at a biologically appropriate weight?" My doctor says, "You're in excellent health. Stop worrying about your weight for now." My body says, "LOOK AT ALL THE THINGS I CAN DO!"
But my mind says, "Look at your gut." "Look at those arms." "My god, what a pair of tree trunk legs."
The jeans in my closet say, "You'll never fit in here."
And I'm TIRED of squashing the negative self-talk, and I'm TIRED of being upbeat and I'm just freaking tired of this whole d4mn thing.
All I want is to get under 200 lbs. That's it. Just a lousy 25-30 lbs to go the eff away.
So you know what I'm going to do? Calm down.
That's all I can do. Just keep plugging along. Keep working out. Keep eating foods that are nourishing and wholesome. Keep trying. I'm not giving up, I just needed to rant.