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    EMMAEKAY   18,322
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I just want to weigh under 200 lbs


Friday, March 08, 2013

IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK!?

Apparently.

I'm up 1.5 lbs this week, and I know all the explanations for this: water retention due to muscle destruction, new muscle being built, my body freaking the eff out because of the new program.

I'm just so TIRED of it all. I'm tired of working and getting no where. I'm tired of not knowing if I'm eating too much, too little, just right. I'm tired of not knowing if I'm working out too much, too little or just enough. I'm tired of experimenting, I'm tired of trying to do new things when I get to plateaus.

I am tired of losing weight.

I vented all this on C and he asked me, "Have you considered that you're just at a biologically appropriate weight?" My doctor says, "You're in excellent health. Stop worrying about your weight for now." My body says, "LOOK AT ALL THE THINGS I CAN DO!"

But my mind says, "Look at your gut." "Look at those arms." "My god, what a pair of tree trunk legs."

The jeans in my closet say, "You'll never fit in here."

And I'm TIRED of squashing the negative self-talk, and I'm TIRED of being upbeat and I'm just freaking tired of this whole d4mn thing.

All I want is to get under 200 lbs. That's it. Just a lousy 25-30 lbs to go the eff away.

So you know what I'm going to do? Calm down.

That's all I can do. Just keep plugging along. Keep working out. Keep eating foods that are nourishing and wholesome. Keep trying. I'm not giving up, I just needed to rant.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
KRISTINE99 3/12/2013 12:08AM

    Feel free to vent with impunity! I know I do when things get stressful. Thank goodness I have Sparkpeople as an outlet to blog the good AND bad and everything in between. Plus, it's a calorie-free way to feel better :) I think you hit a key concept -- "Look at all the things I can do!" I know the last time that I hit a wall, I realized, "Wait. If you told me a magic wand could instantly make me 120 lbs but I couldn't be more active than a slow walk, I would turn you down flat." I want to run with my dogs, hike, play volleyball with my friends, etc. not just look slim. You SHOULD revel in your non-weight accomplishments. The number on the scale isn't the be all and end all. Make sure to balance out your weight goal(s) with non-scale goals. emoticon

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SIMONEKP 3/11/2013 11:17AM

    A little venting is good for the soul

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GRACEMCC45 3/9/2013 4:04PM

    Protip:

You're allowed to get frustrated. You are allowed to get pissed off, cranky, and angry. You're allowed to throw a tantrum like it's nobody's business.

As long as you get right back to it, and never give up. You will get there!!!

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STAY39 3/9/2013 6:23AM

    Look at how far you've come! Hasn't that difficult, long, tedious journey been worth it! You are an inspiration! You have it in you to get to your goal!

emoticon emoticon

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NEWSGIRL2177 3/8/2013 3:26PM

    I know this constant battle is exhausting. You're a smart woman and you have a great outlook and plan for yourself. Maybe revisit your goals/ranges for calories in and out, in addition to reading more about how the body works. This is just what I do when I'm frustrated. I know that no one will have the answer for me specifically, so I read more to try to figure it out!

In the meantime, vent away, sister.

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AHTRAP 3/8/2013 2:09PM

    Ranting is good for ya (sometimes). Let it out, see how the words taste, and then decide if they smell the same way they sound in your head. You've got a very concrete goal, and I suspect your desire to get there will override the frustrations, for a long time, anyway. But it's still good to review how you're feeling, as well as what you're doing, on a semi-regular basis.

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HAPPYERIN 3/8/2013 1:49PM

    I know this is a frustrated blog post, but I kinda love it -- not that you're frustrated, but because it sums up that frustration so perfectly! Because it IS frustrating, it IS tiring, and why the heck does it have to be so hard??

Sounds like a good time to take a break. Not a break to go hog wild and eat yourself crazy, but just take a break from all the tracking and constant monitoring of what you aren't seeing on the scale. Take the weekend and try to just let go, and start again Monday. All that pressure will do no one any good, and you deserve to enjoy the happy parts of this journey!

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ADARKARA 3/8/2013 1:37PM

    Ranting is good! I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to get under 200 lbs. Unless you're 7 feet tall, I don't think it's too thin. Don't sweat the scale so much though. It's going to be a pain in the ass!

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RIDLEYRIDER 3/8/2013 1:36PM

  I think venting is good. We ALL get tired of it from time to time...just want to say %^&^*^ it, and do what we want! But we know what the consequences of that will be, so we get back on the program and make healthy choices again and feel better that way. Never give up!

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CEEMAY 3/8/2013 1:32PM

    Good for you for letting that rant out instead of keeping it all in! Through all the frustrations it is sometimes hard to have faith. Hang in there and continue doing the things that are good for you. Give yourself a hug, think of how far you have come, celebrate each non scale success.

emoticon emoticon

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