My relationship with running and our counseling sessions.
Thursday, March 07, 2013
After longer than I'd like to admit, I hit the gym sometime last week.
Running and I have been on a relationship break. After my back injury last year, it's been a tooth-and-nail fight to get back to where I was. Then came on the cold of *doom*, my divorce being finalized, and back into smoking. We've been on and off since then.
In the past months, I've ran a few miles here or a mile here. Letting more time go by then should. It always amazes me that when I actually lace up my shoes and let my feet hit the road how much I've missed it.
Last week, I laced up my shoes and hit the track. I wanted to see where on the relationship scale that running and I fell. I wanted to feel stronger. Faster. More confident. Just as I did when I was banging out 8 miles like it was a lesiurely stroll.
I reminded myself to take it at an easy pace. Not warp speed. Even so, the first lap seem to get in my face as if to say "You sure you want some of this?".
As someone who's been running for a couple of years, I know how this goes. Sometimes the first laps are the hardest. Hardest to get the body to understand "oh yeah, we're DOING this." Even when I was running 10k's on a regular basis, there would be some mornings that the first lap would be tough to get through. Tough. Not impossible.
I focused on my breath and this one phrase kept replaying over and over again in my head.
It doesn't matter how fast you go. Just keep going.
That one lap turned into a half mile. I started going back to my C25k routes. Walked a lap, ran one lap double time. I rounded out an entire mile and finished out my fitness with yoga.
I also forgot after taking a break, that running without stretching is a horribly bad idea. I was limping for three days and my entire body felt like it was on fire.
Now that I've healed, I hit the gym first thing this morning. Laced up my shoes, put on my yoga top and loaded some music onto the sanza. I told myself that I was completing a full mile today non stop, no matter if I liked it or not. Didn't matter how slow I had to go while I did, as long as I DID it.
I flew around the track the first lap ,this time around. It happens when my body remembers what it's been through the past two years. Unfortunately this is the quickest way for me to burn out, so I had to slow it down. The following two were a bit of a mental struggle, but I kept going. If there is one thing I remembered, it was the mental road blocks of "I can't, I can't, I can't."
One mile down. I wasn't even going to look at my time. Not gonna go there. It's not about time right now. It's about getting through it. Did three alternating laps of pushing it since I knew I still had yoga and strenght training to do.
I left the gym feeling like I needed to crawl out of there. My legs were sore, my arms didn't want to work. But I had a bounce to my step. My shoulders were back and proud.
Now to do this again.