Pity vs. Help
Thursday, March 07, 2013
I've found that there are 2 different kinds of support. I've called these 2 different categories Pity and Help. I've also noticed that those who prefer pity have a harder time losing weight while those who prefer help have much better results.
Those who prefer pity feel an external locus of control. They use excuses to justify their lack of results and often will believe that they have no control over their own weight loss. Whether they believe it in the beginning or if it's just an excuse is unknown but overtime, the excuses and lack of results cause pity seekers to associate their excuses (situation in their mind) with a lack of success. They aren't really trying and when given pity and acceptance of their excuses they continue to cling to the unhealthy mindset keeping them overweight and unhealthy.
Those who prefer help feel an internal locus of control. They know that they can change their situation and usually do. There are plenty of things in life that get in their way, plenty of stress in their lives but they don't make excuses, they take responsibility for their lives and their health. Those who prefer help are seeking a way to improve their situation themselves. They know that life isn't handed to them and that perfect moment will never just happen, so they make it happen.
While it may not be what they want a good dose of reality is exactly what a pity seeker needs. They need to know they CAN have results IF they drop the excuses and start taking control over their lives.
But don't expect a pity seeker to thank you if you give them help at all, that's not what they're looking for. A pity seeker will most likely take your head off at the mere thought that they may be able to make a few changes and have real results. They won't take advice, they don't want to change, they want life to change to fit their needs and that just doesn't happen.
They expect the changes to come externally because that is what they view as the place of control. It is only when you internalize that control, when you take responsibility for your own health, that they will see results and make a real lasting change.
I learned my lesson today.
I've also learned that pity seekers, who complain about lack of results when they don't even try, bother me. I have to surround myself with people who actually want to work for their results. I have to surround myself with positive people. I have to surround myself with people who look at a mountain and say "I can do that" rather than people who look at a mountain and say "I can't do it, the mountain is in my way."