Surrender to those things you cannot change
Thursday, March 07, 2013
Sometimes one can fight and fight - then suddenly realize that you cannot change it. When you surrender to a higher power, it can be an amazing stress reliever.
Background: Mom is 91. Until a few months ago, she was vital and able to live on her own. Suddenly, she quit eating, lost lots of weight, and got weak. Yet, she insists on living independently. She lives a long way away from me, but I have been her daily phone call for years -- so we are close. Every time she has a problem it emotionally affects me so much.
Two days ago, during our daily talk she "neglected" to mention that she was talking to me while laying on the floor. She had had difficulty getting out of her chair, so she crawled on the floor. After 6 hours of trying to get up, she resigned herself to sleeping on the floor. The next day, when I gave my daily call, there was no answer. My sister went over to find that Mom had spent 24 hours laying on the floor.
My siblings who live close by do very little to help her out. After all, she has been independent for 91 years and they have not had to help out in that time. Providing help to her is just not part of their mindset. I have tried to help out with finding in home health care, or assisted living, but it is quite difficult to do over the phone, and even more difficult without help from my siblings.
Okay, so I've been pretty stressed about this whole thing. Food has become a comfort again. Yikes.
Last night, I realized that (a) I need to take care of myself so that this situation never happens to me, (b) distance makes it impossible for me to take an active role in resolving the situation, and (c) she has lived a wonderful life, and if this is how she chooses to live her last few months, so be it. I cannot be in charge: I cannot control the situation. I must simply surrender and let what happens, happen. It is time for her to "meet her maker" as she calls it, and it is not my place to stop this from happening (or change how it will happen.)
So, back to my workouts. Back to healthy eating. And back to the daily calls with mom- don't judge, don't try to control --just be supportive.
Phew. Thanks for listening my SparkFriends!