This morning I woke only to read the most amazing blog! The person writing it described what I would call mirror examination fear. The point we reach when we are afraid to look into the mirror, because it might actual answer the question, Am I alright?
This week I was at the gym when I saw the trainer out of the corner of my eye watching me. He is someone I have known since 5th grade, probably even longer. All of a sudden I wondered what he saw! I had been walking/running the treadmill and I had absolutely no idea what he had seen. Questions rushed through my veins. Had he seen me speed up as I saw a woman about my size climb on the elliptical. Did he think I speed up because I refused to let my weight go back out of control? Did he see the side of me that was inspired, the part of me that admired her effort? Had he seen that I was physically unable to run even a mile as opposed to the three miles I had ran in November. After I notice him my actions changed. Sadly I tried to show him that I was really putting my best effort into my workout. Looking back I probably looked really stupid like a teenager trying to impress someone! The bottom line is what he saw before I realized he was there was a reflection of who I inspire to be. An honest person, trying to improve. He was my mirror. The bottom line is what he thought mattered.
I have a really bad cold and so I had warned him to keep his distance and HE DID! I didn't blame him at all! However, doubts rushed to mind! Was he avoiding me because of my stupid teen behavior and the SHOW or because he didn't want to be sick. Had I turned a positive into a negative by trying to show off? My adolescent fears had temporally taken the wheel. I hate that part of me!
I can only hope that he positively laughed inside and smiled as I had months earlier when he had caught me watching him workout. His actions definitely changed. I smile thinking back to the event. I was flattered that what I thought mattered to him.
I had been watching him because I am amazed at his dedication. I want and need to improve my weightlifting form. He and another trainer that work there also workout. They are both amazing combinations of correct form and concentration. I only wish I could keep my arms straight and use correct posture and breathing techniques like they do.
He is wonderful person and an awesome trainer! The bottom line is he is my friend, has been for years. He doesn't have to do anything to impress me. He an amazing father of five that is married to his childhood sweetheart. He has nothing to prove! I only wish he could see himself through my eyes. I see him as the person I inspire to be! He cares about the members at the gym and respects each of them individually through both words and actions. When he talks about his wife he glows like a firefly. And when he talks about his children you want to bottle his positive energy! If only the mirror (me) could tell him what I see.
When I read the blog of my Lemon team mate this am, I became the mirror. I had the courage to reply, I find it easy to talk to a screen.
That being said here was my reply.
When you out at me, I am the mirror. It is easy for me to see your physical appearance through your picture, but I have access to your character as well through your words. Physically you are beautiful! You are absolutely beautiful and you are working on enhancing your physical attributes. As for your character you are strong and you have a great sense of balance. How well you describe your actions to build on that basic structure as well. You are amazing! And remember life is about what we are becoming! We are each given a chance to be better today than we were yesterday! You are embracing that opportunity! Definitely blog material! And did I mention you defined it beautifully!
I hope these words encouraged and inspired her, BECAUSE she certainly inspires me not only through her blog, but also through the little things she does when she has no clue I am watching!!!
( YES after I was finished I washed my hands and wiped down the treadmill with wipes and cleaner. Also they have a guy that cleans who repeated the process with gloves. I probably shouldn't have been at the gym, but I didn't feel all that bad upon arrival and refused to let a few sneezes become my excuse for not to workout! Upon leaving I was questioning my judgement! However, I came home and walked another three miles with the dogs. I am struggling, but I am going to do this!!)
Below is a link to a you tube video for one my workout songs. It ask the question, "Are you Alright?" I am here. Whoever you are I am listening. I want and need to make a difference as we travel this journey together. You inspire me by being here and I want to return the favor.
Thank you LOOZINITNOW for an amazing blog. I hope you dont mind me sharing your amazing journey!!