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The Kindness of Family


Wednesday, March 06, 2013

You know, I read a few threads about free-loading kids, and I wonder about everyone involved, the family dynamics etc.

I'm 32 years old and depend on my parents quite a bit. More than I am comfortable admitting to friends. I feel guilty even just telling you all. I spent my childhood hearing "No" and I don't ever ask for anything now. Not birthday gifts, not christmas gifts. When pressed, I will ask for something practical, new glasses, a visit to the dentist.

I transferred schools recently, involving a major move. I had planned this out pretty well, I had about $4G saved up, and worked until the last possible day.

When my parents hijacked the experience I just... let them. There is a part of me that feels that the help is undeserved. I am pretty sure I could pay for the move. I would have made different decisions if I ended up paying for everything myself, but I never assumed that anyone else would be picking up the tab.

I see my peers struggling and I wonder, shouldn't I be struggling too?

There is not much I can do to curtail these kindnesses. It would cost me more in my relationship with them to turn them down. My parents choose to spare me these struggles, and I don't feel like I deserve it. So to put away my guilt (which is great), I plan to make the most of this time and help. Do the best I can in school and make the most of the experience so that I am not a burden to my family going forward.

It's a compromise I've had to make with myself.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
DRAKKIE 3/8/2013 2:41PM

    Let them help you if they can :). Just remember they will want the favor returned one day! :)

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MARTY728 3/8/2013 11:38AM

    As a parent I know that parents want to help where and when they can. Be happy and thankfull they can. My Father now lives in a assisted living retirement and we have reversed rolls and I help him. My wife did the same with her Mother. It is a passage of life.

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CDCSMITH2013 3/8/2013 6:46AM

    As long as you have/learn the skills to survive if they can't help you, I say take it and plan for the future. The roles may be reversed some day. The thing about family (from my perspective), is we are always there for each other. We would help in anyway we could. We drive eachother nuts sometimes, but we are always there to help out. It's how it should be in my opinion.

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CITYZOZO 3/7/2013 2:30PM

    let them... they are showing love

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EVER-HOPEFUL 3/7/2013 9:34AM

    just be thankful you still have your parents love and treat them well.you are very lucky both my parents are dead. emoticon

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ADARKARA 3/7/2013 8:19AM

    My dad once told me "It's a parents responsibility to help the children." My dad helped my husband and I every month with our grocery bill until the day he died. I'm 31. I don't see how you should feel guilty. You're not asking for it. They're volunteering it.

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LULUBELLE65 3/7/2013 6:39AM

    My brother went off to college at 18, was a camp counselor during the summers and got his first apartment right after college. Except for help with his law school tuition, I don't think he ever took any money from my parents, or asked for their help in any way. I, on the other hand, moved in and out of their house multiple times in my twenties, borrowed significant amounts of cash from them to pay for down payments on cars or first and last month's rent on apartments, and have generally depended on them a lot more than my brother.

I think parents want to see their kids be successful, and will do whatever they can to be helpful. Sometimes that is financial support, sometimes that is emotional support, and sometimes that is taking over planning something and not allowing you to the be grown-up. However, it is hard to be taken seriously as an adult by your family when you are still cast in the role of little girl, and for me at least, that didn't change until I stopped allowing my parents to bail me out when I was struggling financially.

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NKOUAMI26 3/7/2013 6:34AM

    Our family is here to support us, so don't feel guilty

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BEANIES_MOM 3/7/2013 6:16AM

    Don't ever feel guilty for not having to struggle. Your parents love you and you are WORTHY of everything!

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1PEACEBUNNY 3/6/2013 5:54PM

    You are blessed and loved. There is no need to feel guilty about it. Most of us grown-ups wish we could lay down and be children again and let someone take care of the ride...I know I do. Put your feelings to the side and take pride in knowing that you have these type of parents who want to help you and that you are the type that appreciates it and is working hard to show that appreciation. I get freeloading kids but these are usually slackers who aren't trying to grow up or be responsible adults thereby leaching off of their parents livelihood and energy. I definitely think that you don't fit this category so again enjoy the gift that they are bestowing and let them know that you appreciate their help and generosity by continuing to be a good daughter and a productive human being. We should all be so lucky and blessed and you sound pretty awesome anyway! emoticon emoticon

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