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Love Yourself Now

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Wednesday, March 06, 2013

Today is day 15 of my streak! (Previous streaks; 290 days, 13 days, and 53 days.)

In my previous blog, "One Year Later", I wrote about the changes that have occurred in my life since I started streaking last year...how I am happier, healthier and fitter. There have been a few comments on that blog that have really made me sad, though.

For example, one person said "I hope I can feel better about myself by next March." Another comment was "Losing weight leads to happiness."

Those comments made my heart hurt a little. They imply that you can't love yourself or be happy unless you lose weight first!

The truth is, you need to love yourself FIRST, before you can have any true and lasting weight loss success. Thats really the secret, because if you can't love yourself right now, you will never really love yourself, not even when you reach your goal.

I'm someone who has always suffered from low self esteem. I never loved myself. As a child, I was always compared to my sister, who was called "the pretty one." In school, I was made fun of and called names including "Pixie Big Nose".

My first husband often told me that he was too good looking to be seen in public with me. He had special names that he called me. His favorites were "Dog" and "Lardo."

So of course I always felt that I was ugly and unlovable. No one else loved me, so why should I love myself? Even after I met my current husband, my self esteem was still very low. And it wasn't always tied to my weight. As a child, teen and young adult, I was very thin. The weight didn't start to come on until I hit my late 20's. But of course, after the weight came on, my self esteem became even lower. I would go on diets and lose weight, but I was still the same unhappy person. So of course the weight would always come back on.

I'd often heard that you have to love yourself first in order to lose weight successfully. I just sort of brushed that off as a bunch of hooey. What did self love have to do with weight loss?

But last March, things changed. I was at my highest weight ever, and I knew I had to do something about it. I literally couldn't go on living that way, because my obesity was slowly killing me.

Up until then, I'd tried so many different ways of losing weight...some healthy, some not healthy. Some of them worked, and some of them didn't, but none of them ever lead to any lasting success, because even after the weight loss, I was still the same unhappy person who had no self esteem.

So why not try to love myself? Why not "build a bridge and get over it?" Why not let the past go, and start treating myself with love and respect?

When I started my first streak last March, I decided to make it about something other than just weight loss. I decided to make it about loving myself enough to make each day as healthy as I possibly could.

It wasn't easy. I didn't just wake up on March 1st with a good sense of self esteem. But I knew I could just "fake it until I make it." So every day, I would wake up and write down one good thing about myself in my personal journal. And then I would tell myself that I deserved to live a healthy, fit life. Day by day, my self esteem started to increase. When I would finish a difficult workout, I would reward myself with a mental pat on the back. And everytime I would be tempted to skip a workout, I would say "I will love myself enough to take care of my body by working out today." If I was tempted to eat something unhealthy, I would say "I love myself too much to put junk food in my body."

To be honest, it felt a little strange at first! But as time went by, I started to realize that I wasn't just saying the words. I was feeling them! I really was learning to love myself!

I've lost 71 lbs since last March, but I don't love myself because I've lost weight. I love myself because I am me, and this is the only life on earth that I'm going to get. I don't want to waste another minute of my life on self hatred. I don't want to wait until I reach my goal weight to start being happy. I choose to be happy now. I choose to love myself now. Losing weight didn't lead to happiness. Choosing happiness is what lead to weight loss.

I still have more weight to lose, but I'm not waiting until then to feel good about myself. I hope you won't wait, either. Love yourself, and then show the love by taking care of your health. You really are worth it!

"I am a Jesus girl who can step on the scale and see the numbers as an indication of how much my body weighs and not as an indication of my worth."
~From Made to Crave by Lysa TerKeurst
(shared by Sparkfriend Lemon2012)


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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Great blog. I'm going to quote you on my page again! :)

    Just one thing that leaves me wondering: isn't the quote about self esteem saying the opposite of what you are? First do something before you can be proud of yourself?
    1813 days ago
  • PHOENIX1949
    emoticon Old frig magnet I have "It's not about what you're eating, but about what's eating you!" So true.
    1813 days ago
  • SUGAR0814
    Great blog Pixie! Thank you so much for sharing. You're the best!! emoticon
    1813 days ago
    Love those quotes. Wonderful blog. You have done such an amazing job. Kudos to you. Can't wait to see how the next year is going to treat you. Much love.
    1813 days ago
    I love the first quote! It is so true!
    1813 days ago
    gee pixie did we marry the same man the first time around. After my sun was born he would tell me to walk several yards behind him so no one new we were together. It takes alot to build up ones self-esteem again. I like your saying aboutwriting one good thing every morning I plan to try this starting tomorrow and see how it works. emoticon emoticon
    1813 days ago
  • MAZZY0774
    I'm in love with this blog! Well written and perfectly said! I'm proud of you!!! Self-love IS the most important thing first. I believe in that with no doubt!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1813 days ago
    Pixie, you are AMAZING, and so eloquent, too. I had to love and accept myself as I was (flab and all), before I was able to lose the weight and keep it off. Sometimes I gain a few pounds due to life events and stress, but I don't berate myself about it - I just get back to doing what I know works, the main thing being using that darned tracker:). You are truly an inspiration!
    1813 days ago
  • KITT52
    1813 days ago
    Another great blog, Pixie!! Love all the quotes!! Thank you for sharing!!
    1813 days ago
    Thanks for always being so encouraging. I have been trying to get started forever and am tired of that day never arriving. You have been motivating me, as I have been reading your comments for quite some time. Thanks! I'm starting today!
    1813 days ago
    Very good!
    1813 days ago
  • MARYBETH4884
    Well said Pixie! Each of us needs to daily find something positive about ourselves! How can we expect others to find them if we don't first? God loves you, so love yourself and spread that love to others!
    1813 days ago
  • MAGGIE101857
    Pixie - when I read those words from your first husband, my heart ached for you! But I read on, and you are amazing! You have risen above and learned such valuable lessons - continue to grow! emoticon
    1813 days ago
    What a wonderfully honest and thought provoking blog! Thanks for sharing.
    1813 days ago
    Pixie--- You can be very proud indeed of the person you are! There is so much wisdom in this blog; learning to love oneself is essential to personal fulfillment, and it seems you have achieved your "hero star"... congratulations to you! Keep on this track -- and thank you, Pixie, for wanting to help others attain happiness.
    The pain that you lived through can become a source of empathy you show to others. I had a difficult childhood, and without a doubt, I have greater understanding for others because of my experience. We can triumph over adversity! My Christian faith equips me with the resolve to find blessings in each day...... God bless you!
    1813 days ago
  • CHERYLA2012

    1813 days ago
  • MINEA999
    I've read two blogs today about this topic - the cosmos is telling me I need to concentrate on this area! It's the one area I never mastered when I've lost weight in the past and I think it is the key.
    1813 days ago
    Oh Pixie, this is a beautiful blog. I love it!

    You say, "The truth is, you need to love yourself FIRST, before you can have any true and lasting weight loss success. Thats really the secret, because if you can't love yourself right now, you will never really love yourself, not even when you reach your goal." This is so profound. We cannot hate ourselves thin! I've done it so many times and never succeed because my base is off!

    I also love it that you keep telling yourself, "I love myself too much to...". I have had such trouble with this notion of loving myself, but you are right that it's at the core of everything!

    Bravo to you and thank you thank you thank you for this inspiration and great advice!
    1813 days ago
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    1813 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/6/2013 1:44:13 PM
    1813 days ago
    Oh Pixie, Pixie, Pixie....how I would love to give you a hug right now.
    Your first husbands words made me mad.....how arrogant!!! I could go on and on about how I feel about people like that, but I won't.
    I am so very proud to see how you have taken hold of the reins of your life...and you are travelling in the direction you want. With your head head high...a look of determination and purpose in your eyes.
    You now know who you are...and that is so nice to see.
    You go girl....I'm right behind you.
    1813 days ago
    Pixie, I honestly think this was one of your best blogs. You have opened yourself up in your blogs and this one was extremely and brutally honest and open. You are so worth it! I could write so much here, but the thoughts are so jumbled and running through my mind that I will only say emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1813 days ago
  • AME4IT
    This is my number one struggle and I yo-yo with being my own worst enemy. On the days that I'm in love with myself, I kick butt; on the day's that I'm not, I don't. Why I dont keep with the self love, I dont know. No matter, THANK YOU for posting this blog.
    1813 days ago
  • LJOYCE55
    Nice Blog. Thank you for sharing.

    1813 days ago
    Great blog! emoticon
    1813 days ago
    1813 days ago
    wow what an amazing blog Pixie.
    I need to start loving me....for sure.
    Im not there yet. But I will try . Thanks for sharing these thoughts.
    1813 days ago
  • _BABE_
    Lots of people give lip service to loving yourself but the proof is in the pudding. If we really love ourselves would we not want our body to perform at its optimum. It's not always clear cut why we overeat...sometimes we want to fill a void...sometimes its just a physiological reaction like eating one piece of candy leads to the bag....and sometimes they feed off each other. Anyone who takes on this challenge is juggling a few issues....bravo for going as far as you have...70 pounds off is amazing! emoticon
    1813 days ago
    Wow. Being sure your enemy is not between your ears. You go girl! Have a great week and thanks for the "ah" moment.
    1813 days ago
    I need to work on this myself so I am going to try your strategy of writing in the journal and doing more positive image talking. Great blog!
    1813 days ago
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