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Love Yourself Now

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Wednesday, March 06, 2013

Today is day 15 of my streak! (Previous streaks; 290 days, 13 days, and 53 days.)

In my previous blog, "One Year Later", I wrote about the changes that have occurred in my life since I started streaking last year...how I am happier, healthier and fitter. There have been a few comments on that blog that have really made me sad, though.

For example, one person said "I hope I can feel better about myself by next March." Another comment was "Losing weight leads to happiness."

Those comments made my heart hurt a little. They imply that you can't love yourself or be happy unless you lose weight first!

The truth is, you need to love yourself FIRST, before you can have any true and lasting weight loss success. Thats really the secret, because if you can't love yourself right now, you will never really love yourself, not even when you reach your goal.

I'm someone who has always suffered from low self esteem. I never loved myself. As a child, I was always compared to my sister, who was called "the pretty one." In school, I was made fun of and called names including "Pixie Big Nose".

My first husband often told me that he was too good looking to be seen in public with me. He had special names that he called me. His favorites were "Dog" and "Lardo."

So of course I always felt that I was ugly and unlovable. No one else loved me, so why should I love myself? Even after I met my current husband, my self esteem was still very low. And it wasn't always tied to my weight. As a child, teen and young adult, I was very thin. The weight didn't start to come on until I hit my late 20's. But of course, after the weight came on, my self esteem became even lower. I would go on diets and lose weight, but I was still the same unhappy person. So of course the weight would always come back on.

I'd often heard that you have to love yourself first in order to lose weight successfully. I just sort of brushed that off as a bunch of hooey. What did self love have to do with weight loss?

But last March, things changed. I was at my highest weight ever, and I knew I had to do something about it. I literally couldn't go on living that way, because my obesity was slowly killing me.

Up until then, I'd tried so many different ways of losing weight...some healthy, some not healthy. Some of them worked, and some of them didn't, but none of them ever lead to any lasting success, because even after the weight loss, I was still the same unhappy person who had no self esteem.

So why not try to love myself? Why not "build a bridge and get over it?" Why not let the past go, and start treating myself with love and respect?

When I started my first streak last March, I decided to make it about something other than just weight loss. I decided to make it about loving myself enough to make each day as healthy as I possibly could.

It wasn't easy. I didn't just wake up on March 1st with a good sense of self esteem. But I knew I could just "fake it until I make it." So every day, I would wake up and write down one good thing about myself in my personal journal. And then I would tell myself that I deserved to live a healthy, fit life. Day by day, my self esteem started to increase. When I would finish a difficult workout, I would reward myself with a mental pat on the back. And everytime I would be tempted to skip a workout, I would say "I will love myself enough to take care of my body by working out today." If I was tempted to eat something unhealthy, I would say "I love myself too much to put junk food in my body."

To be honest, it felt a little strange at first! But as time went by, I started to realize that I wasn't just saying the words. I was feeling them! I really was learning to love myself!

I've lost 71 lbs since last March, but I don't love myself because I've lost weight. I love myself because I am me, and this is the only life on earth that I'm going to get. I don't want to waste another minute of my life on self hatred. I don't want to wait until I reach my goal weight to start being happy. I choose to be happy now. I choose to love myself now. Losing weight didn't lead to happiness. Choosing happiness is what lead to weight loss.

I still have more weight to lose, but I'm not waiting until then to feel good about myself. I hope you won't wait, either. Love yourself, and then show the love by taking care of your health. You really are worth it!

"I am a Jesus girl who can step on the scale and see the numbers as an indication of how much my body weighs and not as an indication of my worth."
~From Made to Crave by Lysa TerKeurst
(shared by Sparkfriend Lemon2012)


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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Pixie, I'm glad you love yourself because you are truly a big source of inspiration for me & many others! I happen to think that you are totally awesome! I am slowly learning to love myself!
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    BTW - Have a great Thanksgiving!
    1573 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/26/2013 12:22:13 PM
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    1778 days ago

    "My first husband often told me that he was too good looking to be seen in public with me. He had special names that he called me. His favorites were "Dog" and "Lardo."

    OMG how evil.
    1820 days ago
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    1826 days ago
    Hi Pixie, loved this blog just like all your others. Wanted to tell you how much i appreciate your kind words of wisdom and to thank you for remembering me when I let myself get lost in space.When I signed on to spark people tonight after being gone for 2 months and saw your post to my spark page I was amazed. We have never meet but yet you took time to lift me up. Thank you once again and know that my heart hears your words and will remember them as I get going again. I am working on loving myself even if I don't lose the weight.
    1826 days ago
  • ROZOZ68
    That was one amazing blog! You are one amazing lady!!! So well said and very inspiring! emoticon
    1832 days ago
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    1833 days ago
    wow!! amazing blog...
    even i did belong to the league of "when i lose weight i will love myself" only to understand that the biggest factor in my weight gain has been stress.so unless i learn to love everything around me most importantly MYSELF, the weight isnt going to disappear miraculously.
    by the way i just loved the quote..
    "I am a Jesus girl who can step on the scale and see the numbers as an indication of how much my body weighs and not as an indication of my worth."
    ~From Made to Crave by Lysa TerKeurst
    thanku for being an inspiration...
    1833 days ago
    I am doing the made to crave bible study right now!! It is so hard to love your self,but i too am on that road now of learning! I have had low self esteem for so long also,and I wondered if I should deal with that before any thing. It is hard,sat at the made to crave study,I told them that when I am home reading my book I feel great and inspired and then I get around my sisters and friend or other family,and I feel ugly,fat and boring,and I feel just worthless!! I dont really think I am,but I feel like they think I am. I feel like i am unenteresting to them because I am not thin and stylish,and I am poor so I cant alwyas keep up with the fashion!! I know that doing the made to crave study,it tells you that your reasons should not be for your own vanity,but to accept your imperfections and find beauty in them,and take care of what God has blessed you with,but it is hard!

    Good blog! I enjoyed it :)
    1833 days ago
    As always, dear Spark Friend!, you have put in to words what I have only felt in my heart. You are so wonderfully cheerful and verbally creative with your thoughts. I just love reading your blog. I leave it feeling I am NOT alone in the weighty journey. emoticon on your shopping cart arobics and emoticon acheivement over the past year. emoticon and the t shirt is going to look SOOOO emoticon on you at Easter!
    You always make my day!

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    1834 days ago
    This is another great blog Pixie. I appreciate you for sharing with us what has helped you in your weight loss journey. I did some of the same things you spoke of...journaling and faking it even when I didn't feel too much like it. Somehow I've lost myself along the way. I'm feeling confident today that I can change my life around again and get back on the right track. I deserve it. emoticon emoticon
    1834 days ago
  • MONIQUE432
    Thanks for taking the time to comment on my page and always posting messages which can help us grow in many areas of our life. I appreciate you!
    1834 days ago
    You always come up with the words we all need to hear! Have a great and successful (and self-loving) day!
    1834 days ago
    Wow thanks for this...I needed it too. Excellent reminders and tips on improving. emoticon
    1835 days ago
    Thanks Pixie, good reminders. We can't take care of something ( well) that we don't first love.
    1835 days ago
    My biggest hurdle.... self worth! Thank you for reminding me to work on this!
    1835 days ago
    A great blog post - thanks Pixie. I think I ought to re-read this every day.
    1835 days ago
    Pixie, you are so right-on!! It is not something I have completely conquered, but something I AM working on it! I too was married to someone who was embarrased to be seen with me. And if that wasn't bad enough, people would ask me how I got HIM! We was young when we married and I dismissed the remarks about being embarrassed to youth. We were married 26 years so there were some redeeming qualities...and a lot of co-dependence.So, just as you, the low self esteem I grew up with was compounded through years of marriage. Before we even divorced I suffered a breakdown and attempted suicide several times. Most of it was because I hated myself SO much! After three of the attempts the doctors expressed to me that there was no logical reason why I was still alive. Well, I know! God had oher plans. Since that time I have been through a lot of therapy and I am learning to love myself. It wasn't until the birth of my granddaughter though that I realized how badly I wanted to be healthy and live a longer life. When you put the two together it is a recipe for success. And I found SparkPeople and wonderful people like you to get me on the road and help keep me motivated as I continue to grow and learn.
    Thank you for your honesty! I love reading your blogs and you are always so personally supportive. Pixie, you rock!!
    1836 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/9/2013 1:35:44 AM
    The greatest love of all...learning to love yourself.
    1836 days ago
  • SARRIE413
    I have really struggled with loving myself for a long time, because I would always listen to the negative things that other people would say about me and eventually I started to believe it... One day I was looking in the mirror and just thought to myself "I'm ugly and I'm fat!" But God has dealt with me about that and told me that I was made in His image and He isn't ugly!! So from that point on, I haven't thought of myself as being ugly. I think that's when I really started to love myself!!

    Thank you for sharing this emoticon God Bless!!!
    1836 days ago
    Thank you for sharing! emoticon
    1836 days ago
    Thank you for reminding me that if I don't love myself, I will only relapse. I am a work in progress. I used to say that I was going to love myself thin. Then, I went on to later judge myself wickedly. I need to continue to remind myself that this is about being healthy and not just being skinny or svelt to attract attention. In fact, attracting attention is so far from my objective now. I want to be able to feel healthy and be more active. I want my myriad of health issues to reduce because I do care for myself. I want to be more effective in this life. I want to be a vessel of strength and love. I get caught up in the process and all that life has to throw at me but I am walking toward a better me. I am glad you are here to remind me of the self love aspect. I know we can do it! Thank you for your post!
    Hugs and more hugs, Karen emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
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    1836 days ago
    'thanks for your inspirational blog. Will ho emoticon ld your thoughts close. emoticon
    1836 days ago
    THank You.
    1836 days ago
    emoticon blog! Love your words of wisdom and inspiration! Remember, YOU are worth the effort. Spark On! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1836 days ago
  • ANNMACP0212
    Wow, your blog was the medicine I needed to hear. You're an inspiration and I am grateful that I found your blog. Good luck to you and your streaks!
    1836 days ago
    Hi Pixie emoticon I am so pleased you have found your way. I have great times with my weight and then give up. I found Spark by accident but am so pleased to be part of such a wonderful lot of people with so much inspiration and support.
    I think your blog is so helpful to all of us. emoticon
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    1836 days ago
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    This is a great blog! I have been working on loving myself, and that doesn't mean that I have to have a certain appearance to accomplish this, I need to realize what is inside of me that is begging to be let loose is a loveable, wonderful person!

    1836 days ago
    Thank you!
    1836 days ago
    emoticon What a great blog! As a school counsellor teaching mindfulness to students, I am also trying to apply mindful thinking to my weight loss. Your blog is truly honest, inspirational example of this method, and I for one will be following your lead on my weight loss journey. emoticon Thank you, I really appreciate you sharing it.
    1836 days ago
  • AJB121299
    nice thoughts and motivation
    1836 days ago
    Thank you so much! I have been trying to figure out what was "missing" as I struggle to restart my streak. I am going to fake it till I make it! emoticon
    p.s. love the bunnies doing yoga!
    1836 days ago
    Thanks for always motivating me with your blogs! :)
    1836 days ago
    Amen sister! I could have written that post. Keep it up!
    1836 days ago
  • CYND59
    I am still working on the "Love Myself" thing.
    1836 days ago
    You've got it girl! You found the missing puzzle piece. How blessed we all are because you have. Loving yourself really is being a 'Jesus girl'. If you cannot love yourself you cannot love others. Thank you for being you and for the great blog and great job you are doing.
    1836 days ago
    1836 days ago
    Pixie-licious is SOOOO much better than Pixie Bix Nose! Good for you, Girl.
    1836 days ago
  • PRIZM96
    You are absolutely RIGHT ON! I also have been up/down, up/down for most of my adult life. Then, like you, something changed on the INSIDE. I decided that *I* mattered. I was worth it. I had to love ME! Like you said, somedays were easier than others, but overtime it got to be 2nd nature. I have almost lost 80lbs now and I'm super proud of the person I AM and the person that is coming out in my personality everyday!

    Thank you for such wise advice!
    I ROCK!
    WE ALL ROCK! :-)
    1836 days ago
    Great blog! emoticon
    1836 days ago
  • PUGLOVER1999
    Very well said! A great reminder! Loved your comments and quotes! Enjoyed the comments, too. Wish I could add something profound and/or inspirational; but all I can do is THANK YOU FOR THE REMINDER! :)

    YOU SAID IT! emoticon
    1836 days ago
    1836 days ago
  • JIVANA108
    Thank you again for another amazing blog. Beautfiul. Your words always seem to be exactly what i need to hear. emoticon emoticon
    1836 days ago
  • NEWMOM20121
    Well said.

    You have to love yourself first. Love yourself enough to eat healthy, love yourself enough to get up and move, love yourself enough to make a little time for yourself each and everyday.
    1837 days ago
    Pixie ~ I love your quote pertaining to the scales, that they are an indication of our weight, not our worth. I have had very similiar experiences to you growing up and as an adult. I agree, weight for many people is not about eating and exercising - it's about what's going on up in your head. If you fix that, the rest will follow! I also like your fake it to make it strategy - isn't it lucky that exercise helps defeat depression? Good luck in your journey and thank you so much for sharing!
    1837 days ago
    emoticon This is a great blog. Love the pics in it too. I will try ur suggestions.
    1837 days ago
    woot!!!! you go with your bad self lol. don't ever lose that positive attitude
    1837 days ago
    Inspirational. emoticon
    1837 days ago
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    1837 days ago
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