Wednesday, March 06, 2013
My Toronto Globe and Mail had an interesting article on this topic this morning:
Oh, my. I know that this research is not meant to be about blaming. But . . .
As a daughter who is an admitted perfectionist and had an uber controlling mother . . . gotta avoid using this as a new justification for out-of-control eating. What was past is past. I am responsible for who I am now.
As a mother who doesn't have a perfect mother-daughter relationship and worries about being uber controlling . . . here's more to feel guilty about. My daughter has definitely inherited my metabolism. She's not a binge eater. But although she is a vegan and yoga instructor and exercises daily, it's a struggle for her to maintain a healthy weight.
I'm 33 years older than my daughter. I can remember telling her from a very young age that she didn't have to be perfect (like me!!) for at least another 33 years. Till she was as old as me. She thought that was funny from a pretty young age. And in many ways we do have a good relationship. Way better than the relationship I had with my mother.
But the mother/daughter relationship is a tough one. Maybe the toughest one. We tend to mother as we have been mothered (or not). We tend to fall back into the familiar patterns without meaning to or wanting to. We fail to sustain conscious awareness about the kind of relationship we want to build with our daughters.
There are certainly many moments when I feel I've been hypercritical with my daughter. Attempted to be too controlling. Have just been less kind, generous and plain nice than I should be. Would wish to be. In the past, even in the present. Thank goodness there is still the future. Starting right now.
Gonna be more mindful of this. Work at being a positive and not a negative influence. Work harder on breaking the generational pattern.
Kindness never hurts.