Wednesday, March 06, 2013
I am not usually a quitter. Once I commit to something, or begin something I always follow through. But not this time.
As many of you know, for the past two years I have been struggling with a difficult family situation. It has put me into depression and feeling very stressed. I have been doing many things to try and overcome the stress.
I have belonged to the gym for over 4 years. In the past year I have finally made some friends there. It makes working out so much easier when I can do it with a friend.
At the end of January I began n eight week weight loss challenge at the gym. We are all divided up into groups of 4 with a coach. My group was only three plus the coach.
From the beginning, it did not go well for me. First the coach wanted me to eat 1200 calories a day for the next 8 weeks. I told her due to my weight and the amount of calories I burn per day, I needed to eat more. She told me it is just for 8 weeks, so do it.
I tired it for a week. I was hungry all the time. I started feeling light headed when I was working out. When I met with the nutritionist as part of the challenge, the first thing she said to me is "You are not eating enough." (I knew that). She upped my calories to 1400-2000. SHe told me to vary the number each day to get my metabolism working again.
The next meeting the coach told me I was not working out hard enough. I needed to get my heart rate higher and keep it there. I told her I vary between 135 and 142, which I thought was pretty good for my age (63). I reminded her the machines say 80percent of my heart rate is 128. She said not to go by the machines. To get it up higher and keep it there for 30 to 60 minutes.
I asked one of my trainers what should my heart rate be when I am exercising. SHe told me my maximum heart rate is 157, so 85% is 133. that is really the highest. But if I am comfortable going a bit higher that is ok.
WHen I told my coach, she told me my trainer was wrong, that my target heart rate is 157 and that is where I should be exercising for 30 to 60 minutes. Really? I would be dead if I did that.
SO I called the person in charge of the program and told her that I was feeling like a failure and did not know what to do. SHe explained that the coach should not be giving me numbers - that is up to my trainer and the nutritionist to determine.
The final straw for me were these two issues, both involving workouts:
I train on MOndays and Fridays for an hour. SO when the group was scheduling time for a workout together with our coach, I asked it to be other than MOn/Fri. Can you guess when the workouts were scheduled? Friday for an hour just prior to my training session. I tried it the first week. I was so worn out by the time I got to my trainer I could barely move. The rest of that day and the next I was exhausted. I told the coach I could not do that again, please change the day. ALthough she said she would discus it, it never happened. The following Fridays I would do my warm up cardio while they worked out together, then I would meet with them to weigh in.
LAst week as I sat waiting for them, they came out of the track area and although each of the three looked at me, they all walked on past without saying anything. WHen they returned to the table it was only the coach and one other. The coach asked her how her week had been and her goals for next week. Then that one said she had to leave. The coach said, well, let's get you weighed in. I realized they had walked past me to go get weighed without me. Then the others left and I was alone. I felt so sad and unwanted.
At the beginning of the sessions the coach had asked us to email each other when we would be at the gym so if possible we could meet and workout together. My schedule is pretty consistent and I emailed it to everyone the first week. Never heard anything from any of the others. Monday I saw the other two working out together at a time I am always there. Obviously they had worked it out between them and left me out. I was on my way out of the gym to go have a cry in my car when I saw a friend. She grabbed me and told me to come walk the track with her.
As I was waiting for my trainer a bit later, I saw my friend who is in charge of the program. I told her what happened and she said she was so sorry. She offered my money back for the program, which I accepted. I emailed my coach that I had dropped out.
I have enough going on in my life, I do not need to go to the gym for a challenge that should be fun and feel like a misfit and a reject. I have friends there who support and encourage me, including the one who heads the weight loss challenge. She felt awful that I had been treated that way.
Sorry this has been so long. I have been struggling with the sad feelings for a while and needed to share why I have not been around much lately.
ANy thoughts or suggestions about what I could have done differently are ok to share. I feel safe here on SP and do not worry about feeling like a misfit or getting rejected. Love you all.