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RUTHIEBEAR
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I Can't Believe I QUIT!!!

Wednesday, March 06, 2013

I am not usually a quitter. Once I commit to something, or begin something I always follow through. But not this time.
As many of you know, for the past two years I have been struggling with a difficult family situation. It has put me into depression and feeling very stressed. I have been doing many things to try and overcome the stress.
I have belonged to the gym for over 4 years. In the past year I have finally made some friends there. It makes working out so much easier when I can do it with a friend.
At the end of January I began n eight week weight loss challenge at the gym. We are all divided up into groups of 4 with a coach. My group was only three plus the coach.
From the beginning, it did not go well for me. First the coach wanted me to eat 1200 calories a day for the next 8 weeks. I told her due to my weight and the amount of calories I burn per day, I needed to eat more. She told me it is just for 8 weeks, so do it.
I tired it for a week. I was hungry all the time. I started feeling light headed when I was working out. When I met with the nutritionist as part of the challenge, the first thing she said to me is "You are not eating enough." (I knew that). She upped my calories to 1400-2000. SHe told me to vary the number each day to get my metabolism working again.
The next meeting the coach told me I was not working out hard enough. I needed to get my heart rate higher and keep it there. I told her I vary between 135 and 142, which I thought was pretty good for my age (63). I reminded her the machines say 80percent of my heart rate is 128. She said not to go by the machines. To get it up higher and keep it there for 30 to 60 minutes.
I asked one of my trainers what should my heart rate be when I am exercising. SHe told me my maximum heart rate is 157, so 85% is 133. that is really the highest. But if I am comfortable going a bit higher that is ok.
WHen I told my coach, she told me my trainer was wrong, that my target heart rate is 157 and that is where I should be exercising for 30 to 60 minutes. Really? I would be dead if I did that.
SO I called the person in charge of the program and told her that I was feeling like a failure and did not know what to do. SHe explained that the coach should not be giving me numbers - that is up to my trainer and the nutritionist to determine.
The final straw for me were these two issues, both involving workouts:
I train on MOndays and Fridays for an hour. SO when the group was scheduling time for a workout together with our coach, I asked it to be other than MOn/Fri. Can you guess when the workouts were scheduled? Friday for an hour just prior to my training session. I tried it the first week. I was so worn out by the time I got to my trainer I could barely move. The rest of that day and the next I was exhausted. I told the coach I could not do that again, please change the day. ALthough she said she would discus it, it never happened. The following Fridays I would do my warm up cardio while they worked out together, then I would meet with them to weigh in.
LAst week as I sat waiting for them, they came out of the track area and although each of the three looked at me, they all walked on past without saying anything. WHen they returned to the table it was only the coach and one other. The coach asked her how her week had been and her goals for next week. Then that one said she had to leave. The coach said, well, let's get you weighed in. I realized they had walked past me to go get weighed without me. Then the others left and I was alone. I felt so sad and unwanted.
At the beginning of the sessions the coach had asked us to email each other when we would be at the gym so if possible we could meet and workout together. My schedule is pretty consistent and I emailed it to everyone the first week. Never heard anything from any of the others. Monday I saw the other two working out together at a time I am always there. Obviously they had worked it out between them and left me out. I was on my way out of the gym to go have a cry in my car when I saw a friend. She grabbed me and told me to come walk the track with her.
As I was waiting for my trainer a bit later, I saw my friend who is in charge of the program. I told her what happened and she said she was so sorry. She offered my money back for the program, which I accepted. I emailed my coach that I had dropped out.
I have enough going on in my life, I do not need to go to the gym for a challenge that should be fun and feel like a misfit and a reject. I have friends there who support and encourage me, including the one who heads the weight loss challenge. She felt awful that I had been treated that way.
Sorry this has been so long. I have been struggling with the sad feelings for a while and needed to share why I have not been around much lately.
ANy thoughts or suggestions about what I could have done differently are ok to share. I feel safe here on SP and do not worry about feeling like a misfit or getting rejected. Love you all.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • v GGRANLDY
    I was just reading your blog.. Sorry to hear about the situation at the gym.. emoticon .
    I can not add anything different than what has already been said. So I will just send along some emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    I do think you were right in leaving that challenge.

    Pray that you have an awesome day today
    1197 days ago
  • v CINDYAST
    I can't add anything to what anyone else has said, just wanted to send along a hug.
    emoticon
    1231 days ago
  • v NILLAPEPSI
    We emoticon you & we're glad you're here. emoticon
    1231 days ago
  • v XHASTEDMOMOF2
    I totally agree with what has been said above!!! I think you did the right thing by quitting that challenge/group. No one deserves to be made to feel the way you were. You're much better off with your supportive friends.

    emoticon
    1234 days ago
  • v SPARTAN40
    You were right. The coach was wrong. That's why your friend refunded you the money. That's why the nutritionist upped your calories. That's why the trainer confirmed your training range.

    Life is too short to worry about a couple of people's opinion or action. You're a strong woman with lots of friends. They're not worth your worry. Don't give them another thought.
    1234 days ago
  • v ADELCASALE
    Ruthie: You did everything right. You tried and then did much needed emotional housekeeping. Those folks were jerks. Keep being you! emoticon
    1235 days ago
  • v SHANSHE
    Ruthie my dear, you are not and never have been a "quitter" as long as I have known you! I cannot imagine ANYTHING you could have done differently and shame on that coach and the other team members for treating you like that! I cannot imagine treating someone like a lower class citizen for ANY reason and certainly not in a weight loss "fun" competition, etc... I think you did the right thing by withdrawing from the competition, no room for any more negativity in your life!
    Love you lots,
    Shan
    1236 days ago
  • v GATORJOY
    I agree ...you did not quit! You need to be around supportive people, and if that is not being offered, you are better off to wipe the dust from your shoes and move on! One thing about Spark, you will receive support! I am in your corner! emoticon emoticon
    1236 days ago
  • v NUTTYSNOOPYFAN
    Oh Ruthie, I'm so sorry you had to go through this nonsense, but you know what? I'm SO proud of you for doing what was best for you! You didn't sit around and continue to let people treat you poorly. You deserve so much more than this. Hopefully, something will be said to the "coach" who participated in this poor behavior. You did NOT quit. You took care of yourself. There was nothing you should have done differently. Sometimes people behave badly. Yes, you are loved here. I'm glad you are able to connect with friends at the gym. Here's to a new (and better) chapter of your fitness journey starting! emoticon
    1237 days ago
  • v QTEALADY20031
    Ruthie, you are definitely not a quitter. You know your body and your coach is wrong! First off I am 70 years old and my max heart rate is between 106-120 they suggest at Curves. She had you way too high, keeping that heart rate for that length of time would be dangerous. Considering the behavior of the coach, she should not be one.
    You do not go to a gym or join a challenge for this kind of stress. You did right by not continuing for your own health. I am sorry that you had to deal with this kind of a situation. It is very disheartening for you to say the least. Please know all your Spark friends love you and care about you. Since the head of the program knows about this and refunded your money, she needs to talk to this coach before there is an accident with the members she is dealing with at the gym....Ruthie you take care. emoticon emoticon emoticon June
    1237 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/7/2013 7:42:53 PM
  • v MOTLORAC
    I agree you are not a quitter, one of the most important things I've seen here is that there is no one size fits all. Any trainer that thinks you should only fit her specific numbers is not paying attention to the person, you, and that doesn't work. Very glad you stood up for yourself, be proud you listened to your body and the heck with those who don't treat you like your own person.
    Thanks,
    Tom in Tucson
    AP Diversity Team
    1237 days ago
  • v HAWTGRANNY2014
    Sorry you had such a hard time. I have always been heavy and tried a couple of times to join a gym. It was full of women who were tiny. I felt out of place and no one was friendly. In fact a few stared openly at me. It was a long time ago and I admit I was more sensitive then. Not to say it is a place I would go now...but no thanks. I would rather do it at home...no machines ...but no judgement either.
    It always amazes me that the people that are so judgemental are the ones who think they are perfect and I have never seen that species. We are all human and we all have feelings. I am so sorry that you couldn't find someone who appreciates that you are special.
    I have never met a person like that here. Everyone is on the same journey and we know how it feels. Good for you getting out of that place.
    1237 days ago
  • v CYCLINGSANDY
    No one has the right to make others less than better or different. I am seething after reading your blog, and it did not happen to me. The coach needs to get another title. A coach does not treat people like that either. Poor excuse for a coach and a waste of your money, so I am glad you got that back. Don't accept the negative! It is not you, but it is them. Shame on them too.
    1238 days ago
  • v DROWSYMAGGIE
    Ruthie, you did the right thing by kicking that program to the curb. It was causing you stress and wearing you out and making you unhappy. The gym should be your happy place. emoticon
    1238 days ago
  • v ORCHIDLADY56
    You did the right thing, Ruthie. That coach sounds like she has no business telling people what to do. Be proud that you knew yourself and your body well enough to tell that woman to go pound sand!
    1238 days ago
  • v SONGBIRDPAULA
    emoticon emoticon

    You made a very smart decision! Stick to it....you did good in your choice!

    "Have a blessed day and wonderful journey to the new you!"

    Paula emoticon
    1238 days ago
  • v GETTINGFIT4HIM
    I'm so sorry to hear of the experience you had. Hopefully in the end not only did you make the right decision for you and your health but one day down the road they will reflect on the situation and learn from it as well. Sometimes there is nothing more that can be done and you need to stop something you started. emoticon
    1238 days ago
  • v BABY_GIRL69
    No matter how well meaning people are that just can not subject you to do it their way without allowing room for your way as well.

    God bless,

    Dee
    1238 days ago
  • v OKBACK2ME
    It sounds to me like the program was not suitable for you. You did what was best for your peace of mind and health. Ruthie you needed to do what was best for you! The program was not meeting you needs and was not flexable.
    1238 days ago
  • v 1CRAZYDOG
    You are a MOTIVATOR . . . not a quitter! It is really sad that you were treated in the manner you were but you stood up for yourself! KUDOS! THAT'S what it's all about. I don't know why others have to make themselves feel important by putting someone down. Just not understandable. I am glad you got the refund, but that doesn't take away the horrible way you were treated.

    HUGS and hang in there.
    1238 days ago
  • v GOODHEALTH4EVER
    YOU DIDN'T QUIT!!! YOU STOOD UP FOR YOURSELF!!
    SO GLAD THAT YOU HAVE OTHERS AT THE GYM THAT ARE SUPPORTIVE BECAUSE YOU SO DESERVE THAT:)

    emoticon emoticon
    1238 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/6/2013 9:16:27 PM
  • v BLUEANGELLK
    You didn't quit. You made a smart choice weighing the options and choosing what would be better for you. Good for you. Nothing to feel bad about!
    1238 days ago
  • v FORBANDE
    You did not quit. You saved yourself from a serious injury or worse! It's so sad that people are anything less than supportive. Fact is, some people are petty and mean and suck.

    You are strong, smart and beautiful. Never let anyone make you feel less.
    emoticon
    1238 days ago
  • v AQUAGIRL08
    I was reading an article the other day that said if your personal trainer or coach attempts to give you nutritional advice, sell you vitamins or push you beyond what you can reasonably do, run in the opposite direction. You have done that! I'm proud of you for taking a stand against a coach who has no business doing anything but helping you to exercise. This whole situation smacks of a coach and other people talking about a team mate behind her back. Your self protection skills are in tact and I salute you for taking care of yourself. I think the gym should fire this person because if someone gets hurt, the gym can be sued.
    1238 days ago
  • v SASSYLJB
    You my Spark sister are no Quitter! You are the hardest working, committed to your program of anyone that I know!
    You inspire and motivate all of us around you!
    Those coaches had no business having you follow such a restrictive program. With the fitness mins you put in on a daily basis, there is no way that you could have lived on 1200 calories.
    I am proud of you for standing up and taking care of you!
    You are AMAZING!
    You are STRONG!
    You are BEAUTIFUL!
    I love you! Stay strong Dazzling Diamond!
    1238 days ago
  • v POINDEXTRA
    Gosh - it sounds to me like you did everything just right! It's that so-called "coach" who should be questioning him/herself. It's terrible that you had such an experience, but you brought the problem to the attention of the people in charge who validated your position - so that's two plusses out of the deal. Don't let that bozo get you down - you're doing terrific!
    1238 days ago
  • v TKOVACH1
    Ruthie, You are DEFINITELY NO QUITTER. You stopped participating in what was a bad situation. I'm glad you reportedit and they gave you your money back. That coach should be fired for treating you that way and chances are they have done it and will continue to do it to others. Sorry that you had to go thru that.

    emoticon emoticon
    1238 days ago
  • v 1BEACHWALKER
    That is terrible how you were treated by the coach! You did the right thing! Sounds like a person who is only concerned about the $$$$, not you! Find something else, you deserve it! Quitting something that is harming you is not a bad thing! emoticon
    1238 days ago
  • v CAROLYNVIL
    so sorry you were treated that way,but you did the right thing.
    1238 days ago
  • v SPECIFICITY
    That kind of stress and negativity would have ultimately set you back in your progress so there is no shame in redirecting your focus to something more positive.
    1238 days ago
  • v MISSG180
    If this person is paid by the gym, you need to report her for her abuse. That is dreadful and horrific.
    1238 days ago
  • v WALLAHALLA
    Seems like your trainer and your nutritionist really care about you, and that coach is just punching a time clock. Her unprofessionalism and the rudeness of the rest of that team in NOT a reflection on you. It is a reflection of their characters. You are a lovely person and should NOT be treated like that. You deserved to have your money refunded, as no one should pay to be dissed that way. Way to stand up for yourself and say enough is enough! Insisting that you are treated with the respect you deserve is not quitting in my way of thinking. I am glad you value yourself enough to speak up!
    1238 days ago
  • v PINKNFITCARLA
    Oh Ruthie, how terrible! That makes me so angry that someone would treat you that way. Personally I think you did the right thing by quitting that challenge/group. No one deserves to be made to feel the way you were. You're much better off with your supportive friends. emoticon
    1239 days ago
  • v JANESLOSS
    Wow! That coach should be spanked!

    You are not a quitter, in fact you did a smart thing getting out of a toxic situation. Good for you!

    Even though it was a healthy challenge the situation that the coach put you in was not healthy. She seemed to be a bully and never should have been giving you advise about the numbers (calories or heart rate). Good for you for knowing your body and sticking to what you knew was right. My guess is that the coach just wanted to win the challenge and didn't have your best interests in mind.

    I hope and pray that you will continue to go back to your gym and feel good about interacting with your other new friends.

    Hugs,
    Jane
    1239 days ago
  • v BARBARAROSE54
    you are no quitter, I'm glad you left the challenge which wasn't helping you. Sorry that they treated you that way, their loss. emoticon
    1239 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/6/2013 1:40:52 PM
  • v TEMPERANCE88
    That was not quitting -- that was getting out of a bad and dangerous situation. You did the right thing. You should be proud of yourself for knowing what your body can and can't handle; to heck with the people who thought you were only a number! Keep on pushing forward -- on your terms -- and you'll get where you need to be.
    1239 days ago
  • v KATHYJO56
    Ruthie, I am so sorry that this happened to you. Was there any way that you could have a different trainer. Just know that none of this was your fault. The trainer was a jerk and she got by with it. I don't have any suggestions, but I know that I would not go back either. emoticon
    1239 days ago
  • v READYBETTY
    You're no quitter. You shouldn't have been treated in such a way. You deserved more. I'm so glad you're finding support in a much more positive way and leaving that group behind you.
    1239 days ago
  • v AMY-MIMI77
    It is definitely not quitting - this is taking care of #1 (you)
    no one wants to hang out where they don't feel they belong (to the group)

    Keep your head up and remember that if they don't want to get to know you or spend time with you then that is truly THEIR problem as you are AMAZING
    and never forget that
    emoticon
    1239 days ago
  • v CVRONEK
    You are not a quitter. They are ill behaved bafoons who have never learned common decency much less, for the coach, basic leadership qualities.
    I can't see where that one will be around for long.
    On the other hand, you, my dear, are kicking butt and doing a fantastic job! You should feel good about standing your ground and speaking up, doing your best and watching out for your own interests.
    Proud of you, as always. emoticon emoticon
    Chris

    1239 days ago
  • v LISALI718
    You definitely didn't quit!!! You removed yourself from a situation that was unhealthy. That "coach" should not be allowed to hold that position again. I'm sorry you had to go through that but it was definitely for the best that you got out of that situation emoticon
    1239 days ago
  • v PHATPAT18
    I would not all it quitting , what you got out o was an abusive situation. The Coach is a bully and a terrorist. You had every right to walk out of there and get your money. Good for you for standing up for yourself.

    emoticon

    Pat
    1239 days ago
  • v PIXIE-LICIOUS
    You're not a quitter. You did the smart thing. I am angry on your behalf for how you were treated. Please don't let it get you down, Ruthie. You are awesome and you are an inspiration to so many people here on Sparks. I'm glad you dropped out of that challenge.
    emoticon
    1239 days ago
  • v LIFEISSWEET2
    I wouldn't call this quitting. I would call this doing a loving and positive thing for you...the right thing for your mind and body.

    I hope that now that the Peron in charge of the challenge knows about the coach's unproffessional and reckless behavior that something will be done so another person does not have to suffer. I appaud you for standing up for yourself. emoticon


    1239 days ago
  • v PAULALALALA
    You did everything you could to accommodate the group. The coach sounds very unprofessional -- is she actually paid to work at your gym? Hopefully she will not be allowed to be a coach again. It doesn't sound as if she knows anything about proper nutrition or heart rate training levels. You did right to quit. I can totally understand your hurt feelings...I would have been heading off to cry, too. SO glad you met your friend on the way out and y'all had a good workout together. Life is too short to willingly put up with people like that ignorant coach and non-supportive group.
    emoticon
    1239 days ago
  • v AUNTB63
    You are not a quitter. You did what was best for you. That "coach" should not be coaching...seems like she doesn't have any people skills. You did the right thing. Put this in the past and keep moving forward.....true friends accept us the way we are and encourage us when we a down or having a hard time..... emoticon
    1239 days ago
  • v VALYNN26
    So sorry to hear that you had to go through that & that your feelings were hurt. I probably would have done the same thing. Don't let it break your spirit. Keep on moving. emoticon emoticon
    1239 days ago
  • v CRYSTLE4HIMTX12
    My heart is broken. What a mean spirited coach. I'm so glad you have other resources and people that are looking out for your best interest. emoticon

    You are NOT a misfit and are not unwanted. To make you feel that way was just wrong. I'm praying that your heart heals quickly and your are able to surrounds yourself with positive people. emoticon
    1239 days ago
  • v SILVER1369
    So sorry to hear of your experience. It sounded to me that you did not quit that they gave up on you and pushed you out. What goes around comes around. Karma will get them all. Keep your head up and be proud of all you do. emoticon
    1239 days ago
  • v 50SOMETHINGNOW
    First of all it sounds like they quit you, not that you quit them. I can't imagine they will have a very successful group if they don't encourage everyone. Don't let a bad experience make you feel bad about yourself. Instead of being sad be determined to find supportive friends. emoticon
    1239 days ago
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