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Here's What's Up with Me

Wednesday, March 06, 2013

Hi Friends!
Here is what's new:

I've recently been informed that my contract will not be renewed for the job I'm in, so as of the middle of June, I am out of work. This is heartbreaking, but I am trying to see it as an opportunity for positive change. It is hard, though.. Very hard. It's not a good paying job, but one I was very invested in emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. So I have been dealing with depression and trying to find my self worth again.

Also, my mother isn't doing well. A little while ago the plan was for my Mom and her husband to move back to NH to be near us, but they have decided they're not healthy enough to make this move. Given my job situation and that my DH can work anywhere in the country (he does tech support via phone and computer), we are thinking of moving to Florida so I can be near my mother. We don't think she will with us too much longer. I've always been very close to her.

So yeah, perhaps the job change is a good thing as it gives me the opportunity to move near my mother.. Unfortunately, my husband really doesn't want to move to Florida at all. He lived there when he was young and has very bad memories. I have said it is only a temporary move, and I believe that, but I don't really want to be back in this same place we live now, I don't think. There is also the issue of the house we own here..

So health-wise,
I have continued to eat healthy foods and haven't gone to anything really bad, no soda, no fast foods, no bad desserts, but I am not paying as much attention to tracking and have not done as much exercise. My weight has stabilized about 232 lbs. At least I think it's there, as I haven't weighed in over a week now. I hope it isn't higher. I am back in my bigger pants, the 2X, not the 1X ones. I had been down to 224 lbs in the early fall and started going up in October.

I decided I really want to get down to 200 lbs, so I have recommitted to this as a goal. I think possibly the goal of 160 was too hard to conceive of, and that will be OK with me even if I don't go lower., I probably will aim for lower some day, but at least that. And if I don't get back into this I won't get there. I just have to start paying more attention. My FitBit helps, and I do walk daily, but more like 5000 steps, not 10,000. I don't like walking much in the wintertime - the cold, the messy, the dark. Oh, and the dancing - well, my headphones are broken so that really messes up being able to dance at my computer. The Roku remote is also missing, so dancing music over the TV is out. Such a ridiculous tech. stumbling block, but true. And hula hooping - I do that outside and it's too cold. I can't do it over a winter coat. So I am looking forward to Spring.

Another obstacle to my improved fitness is that I need to get new shoes. My sneakers have a hole in the top - and are not waterproof (were not before the hole either).. Hard to find waterproof ones, so finding good ones for New England winters is kind of hard. Anyhow, need new shoes. Even my furry inside boots have worn holes in the soles, though not all the way through, and I have to get insoles for these at least.

Ok, but for now.. time to get to bed. I went to bed at 5 AM and had to get up at 7 to take my son and neighbor's kids to the bus.. walking down the hill with them in the snow. This always revs me up, so now it's 9 AM and I'm still awake and really really need sleep.

Before I forget, I want to say thank you to IMSUZEEQ for the support!!!

If you read this, please say hi and let me know. I need some SparkPeople support.. Thanks!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I can identify with you about the depression. It just sucks the life out of you, and you feel so empty. It can be hard to stay motivated, when your biggest job when you are depressed is just getting up out of bed and putting one foot in front of the other. Good for you doing the walking, and buying new shoes for yourself. I am sorry about your mom. That must be so hard being far away from her. I'm finding it easier to take the "goals" in increments of 5 pounds at a time....I hit a 5 lb. mark and I'm to give myself a pat on the back and a "you go girl" build-up. You are a strong person. I don't know you, but I DO know that anyone who has suffered from depression is STRONG, STRONG, STRONG. Use that strength to get you through the next second, minute, hour, day....God bless you and keep being kind to yourself...........
    1700 days ago
  • DEEO12
    Just know that things always have a way of working themselves out. So try not to stress to much. It also sounds like you got cabin fever. Spring is right around the corner so just do what you can to get moving and you will reach the 200 mark! emoticon

    1704 days ago
    Hey Angel! I'm sorry to hear about your mom and your job. My thoughts are with you.

    I was in New England for a week last month - got caught in the weekend storm around the 22nd. Not sure how bad it was in your neck of the woods - our flight home was canceled so we had to stay an extra day. Darn! I really like it there...but I will agree, it was very cold. I got steps in by doing the stairs at the hotel but not nearly as many as I hoped because, as you say, it was just way too cold. Beautiful though. We'll be back in October for more meetings.

    Talk soon...

    1707 days ago
    It seems like hard winter for you. But I hope it will soon be over and the new spring will come to New England. I'm so sorry your mom is not doing well.
    Sending you lots of hugs.
    1712 days ago
    So glad to hear from you. sorry bout the job,mom and the holey shoes . I get where you are coming from. Hope all works out. emoticon emoticon
    1713 days ago
    I know what you mean about the winter walking. I don't like it much either so I haven't done any outdoor walking at all since the clod weather started. It seems to be getting better here so I might venture out next week. I see that you have several challenges going on in your personal life. Hang in there. Think things through and pray about them. Things will work out. I also put back on some weight around October. I was struggling for quite a while. I put back almost all the weight I lost. Now I am taking the focus off the scale and working on my attitude. Now that I am working on being more positive and have a better attitude about myself, I am seeing some of that weight come off. You have lots of Spark friends here that you can lean on. Take it one day at a time!

    emoticon emoticon
    1713 days ago
    Glad to read that you are still here... I hope your mother will be better!

    1714 days ago
    Glad to hear your update, although sad about some of the news.

    With regards to shoes, I haven't had much luck finding waterproof ones, but having a couple of pairs so one can be drying out while you wear the other one might work. Alternately (or additionally), waterproof socks ARE available, and might fix some of the problem. But I know all of this costs $$ which is an issue if you're losing your job, and possibly moving.

    I am sad to hear that your mother won't be moving closer to you... is there anything you can do to help them to move (such as pack up their house)? Maybe you could stay with them for a while after your job ends, and help them at that point? It must be frustrating that your husband doesn't want to move to Florida.

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    Much love, and keep Sparking!
    1716 days ago
  • PHOENIX1949
    emoticon Perhaps some simple marching in place indoors will get that adrenaline pumping.
    1716 days ago
  • LEEKA5
    You'll be just fine. You've come so far you're not going to quit now, we know that. When you're feeling weak, we'll hold your arms up. ;)

    emoticon emoticon

    Sometimes the winter is just too much to handle with everything else, so here is a spring garden for you to enjoy.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

    and something else you're needing right now... emoticon
    1716 days ago
    Sending prayers for your Mom.
    Sending you best wishes and good vibes to get past this winter weather and job worries. emoticon

    1716 days ago
    It's good to hear from you. Just take one day at a time. emoticon
    1717 days ago
    1717 days ago
    We've missed you! I hope you find your motivation and succeed with your goal to get to 200.
    1717 days ago
    I've been wondering over time how you've been doing and now I know. I'm sorry about your mom and your job. I'm wishing you the best of luck and that it will all fall into place for you. emoticon for you with keeping as healthy as you can! emoticon

    emoticon Karen
    1717 days ago
    It is very hard in the winter to exercise. I use to do over 2000 minutes a month. Last month I had a little over 500. I haven't even gone to the pool until Monday. I hate winter.

    The good news is I am at goal and maintaining. I bought 4 pairs of Jordache skinny jeans size 8 Saturday at Walmart. I wrote a blog on it. Read it. I was so very excited. The best part of it, my Mom was with me and told me she was so proud of me and told the lady doing the dressing rooms I have lost over 120 pounds. That made me feel good.

    I was thinking about you on Monday. I see your progress on fitbit. com but haven't seen you on spark and was wondering. Welcome back. emoticon
    1717 days ago
    I'm so glad you're still here and Sparking : )
    Sounds like you've got a lot going on at the moment, I hope things all work out for the best.
    1717 days ago
    Good to hear from you again. Sending lots of positive thoughts your way.
    1717 days ago
    Sending positive thoughts your way, hoping everything will fall into place soon.... emoticon
    1717 days ago
    Sorry to hear about your mom and your job. I don't have much in lines of advice, and I'm not so good at offering support, but I wanted you to know that I read your blog and I care about you. I hope things get better for you soon.
    1717 days ago
    Great to see you back, Wendy.

    Sorry to hear about your mother. It's hard, I know.
    And your job.
    Things happen for a reason and you'll have the time you need with mom.

    Sounds like you are not letting everything effect your eating habits.

    Stay strong. You have lots of friends at spark to lean on
    1717 days ago
    Sorry to hear about all of the challenges that are going on in your life right now. You're right though, change can be a good thing. Sending you lots of wishes for positive changes for you and your family!
    Glad to hear that you've recommitted to your goals. I find that it really is much easier if I focus on meeting one achievable milestone and then deciding what the next goal should be.
    emoticon emoticon
    1717 days ago
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