Wednesday, March 06, 2013
I went to a lecture yesterday about Appreciative Inquiry:
and I can use a lot of it because it makes my life easier and more positive - but at the same time I am a little grumpy about stuff that says that problems should be avoided (and changing the names into "challenges" did not make it a lot better) and as the theory makers has to come up with some worksheet how to reach goals it becomes a little weird when they try to hide the fact that we change because we need to change (=there is some sort of problem with us as we are now). OK I should not call myself a problem I could say "I am okay but I want to be better" (the "but" was negative according to AI)
WHen talking about gender and equality I found another way of thinking - I usually talk about how we make friends - very general speaking men make friends by comparing strength and establishing a pecking order (remember very generally speaking) while women make friends by sharing secrets = knowing the same stuff= being equal = friends from the same position. Little girl do this by saying "do you want to know a secret" - as grown ups we are more sophisticated and convert the secrets into problems - to tell the other woman about something that bothers you is showing that you trust her and she meets you by telling a problem of her own. It is a grown-up version of sharing secrets... BUT the negative thing is that you might become very problem oriented.
The next step is that you take one step further and become solutions -oriented - the thing is that you need to have a problem to seek a solution...and of course you might change a bit by calling the problems challenges and it is better to see them as opportunities to learn and change... but I think you need to acknowledge that life happens and itīs how you handle it that matters.
AND apart from all this grumping it is of course really interesting that scientific tells you that you get better results if you concetrate on the good things and ignore the bad. I should ignore the fact that I am a compulsive overeater and concentrate on my side of being intelligent, flexible and empathic.. and then what? Continue to overeat? At some point I need to come up with a strategy of changing that overeating pattern and it might be a good idea to use my strenghts but it becomes a little weird to me if I am told to forget that there is a problem.
It is to me a counterdiction in all this "think positive" combined with the message of "change your life because you are not living as healthy as you could" I do understand that I can address that in different ways but it sort of annoys me that I am asked to ignore the fact that there are negative things involved too...