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    MEDDYPEDDY   139,347
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Problems and solutions

Wednesday, March 06, 2013

I went to a lecture yesterday about Appreciative Inquiry:


and I can use a lot of it because it makes my life easier and more positive - but at the same time I am a little grumpy about stuff that says that problems should be avoided (and changing the names into "challenges" did not make it a lot better) and as the theory makers has to come up with some worksheet how to reach goals it becomes a little weird when they try to hide the fact that we change because we need to change (=there is some sort of problem with us as we are now). OK I should not call myself a problem I could say "I am okay but I want to be better" (the "but" was negative according to AI)

WHen talking about gender and equality I found another way of thinking - I usually talk about how we make friends - very general speaking men make friends by comparing strength and establishing a pecking order (remember very generally speaking) while women make friends by sharing secrets = knowing the same stuff= being equal = friends from the same position. Little girl do this by saying "do you want to know a secret" - as grown ups we are more sophisticated and convert the secrets into problems - to tell the other woman about something that bothers you is showing that you trust her and she meets you by telling a problem of her own. It is a grown-up version of sharing secrets... BUT the negative thing is that you might become very problem oriented.

The next step is that you take one step further and become solutions -oriented - the thing is that you need to have a problem to seek a solution...and of course you might change a bit by calling the problems challenges and it is better to see them as opportunities to learn and change... but I think you need to acknowledge that life happens and itīs how you handle it that matters.

AND apart from all this grumping it is of course really interesting that scientific tells you that you get better results if you concetrate on the good things and ignore the bad. I should ignore the fact that I am a compulsive overeater and concentrate on my side of being intelligent, flexible and empathic.. and then what? Continue to overeat? At some point I need to come up with a strategy of changing that overeating pattern and it might be a good idea to use my strenghts but it becomes a little weird to me if I am told to forget that there is a problem.

It is to me a counterdiction in all this "think positive" combined with the message of "change your life because you are not living as healthy as you could" I do understand that I can address that in different ways but it sort of annoys me that I am asked to ignore the fact that there are negative things involved too...
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SILLYHP1953 3/26/2013 3:54PM

    Your blog reminded me of the Principle of Attraction...pay attention to what you WANT and more of that comes into your life. Pay attention to what you do NOT want (being overweight) and more of that comes into your life. A very simplified version of the principle.
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SLENDERELLA61 3/6/2013 7:43PM

    Thanks for writing this blog out. Positive thinking is powerful, but denying reality can't help. Finding the balance I suspect may be the key. Part of me wants to say that I am a binge eater and every day I struggle to control my binge eating is good. Then another part of me says I need to say I was a binge eater and I'm never going back there. Sometimes when I've been in that frame of mind I have felt so betrayed by myself when I slipped. Not sure which approach is better for me. Does the first approach lock me in and proclude a cure? Is the second unrealistic and bound to lead to anger and despair with myself? More questions than answers, I'm afraid. But I do know that I can live life at the weight I want, even if I slip up from time to time. Yet I long for no more slips.

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JOYINKY 3/6/2013 10:19AM

    Interesting blog. Lots to think about. If I have a great car; but it has a flat tire; it's still a great car. But, the tire needs to be fixed. You're great! emoticon

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KASEYCOFF 3/6/2013 3:35AM

    I totally agree about your "strategy of changing."

Too many of these so-called programs are like puff-pastry: bloated with fat and full of air.

Their focus on the words we use smacks to me of avoiding the key issues - and what is avoidance but a form of denial? of reluctance to face reality?

If you want to change behaviors... if you want to improve... if you want to achieve worthy goals, then you need to understand where the problems are, where the changes need to take place. And the only way to do that (to my mind) is by finding the problems. No amount of euphemisms ("We don't 'lose' weight - we 'shed pounds.'" What nonsense!) will address making behavioral changes.

Reality means problems exist. Life continually changes, and there will be events we need to consider, react to, and develop plans of action.

If our energy is spent on phrasing everything according to the latest psychobabble jargon, we won't have much energy for what we really need - solutions to problems.

Thinking positive is wonderful. If we can use it to color what we do, plans we make, our thoughts and ideas, then we are doing something healthy for ourselves.

If we get bogged down in negative thinking, we are only one short step from that endless repeating loop of "I can't."

The old Johnny Mercer song, "Accentuate the Positive (Eliminate the Negative)" had it right. Whether we're told a word or phrase is negative or positive is an arbitrary label assigned by someone else.

What matters is that we focus on finding solutions and making improvements with a sense of determination and faith in our ability to make the right choices - our belief that we can achieve goals we set for ourselves.

And once again, Meddy my dear, you've given me blog fodder, lol...
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LINDA! 3/6/2013 12:43AM

    Very interesting.

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