Tuesday, March 05, 2013
The past 48 hours have sucked.
I have felt lethargic, unmotivated, and flat out sad. I choose "sad" because it's the most level headed combination of feelings. I'm easily irritated, jumping from 0 to 10 (see stress/anxiety associations), and in an all out, ugly funk. I'm hoping this is just PMS (I don't keep track of those things).
So I persevered through work and the gym on both days. I followed my food plan completely yesterday and so far today. The problem is I don't want to. I haven't had this feeling in the two months I've been here. My heart wasn't in the workout and so it certainly didn't help me with my afternoon calm, making my stress levels higher than normal in the afternoon; I'm growing increasingly more aggravated as the day comes to a close and just finished staring at the heavily chocolate based trail mix in the cabinet. Trail mix isn't so bad, right? I mean we're looking at protein, fruits, and dark chocolate. The problem with trail mix is that moderation is a foreign language - a very foreign language. Once I have the combination of sweetness and salty peanuts it's the whoooole container. My husband meant well when he purchased the trail mix, but right now it's weighing a war against me and knows today is one giant weak spot.
I recognize the urge to eat emotionally right now (as I'm typing). That is relief in its own and as I "vent" here I am feeling a little less aggravated, but I can't seem to shake this awful mood. Typically if I'm feeling a bit high strung a good 45 minute sweat is relief, but that didn't work and it makes me feel helpless; I also think it's what's pushing me in the direction of emotionally eating this evening. I need an at home, quite time way to just chill - baths don't work because I can't shut my brain off and reading isn't distracting enough. Technically I could do school work, but then I feel like I'm violating the promise I made to myself - to leave the students at home - and so I'm blogging (sorry if you were looking forward to reading something positive). It's helping with perspective and I hope to be rid of this funk with a new day tomorrow.