Tuesday, March 05, 2013
What do I have to do to make it understood that LOSING WEIGHT is not the only solution or as SIMPLE of a solution as these doctors and medical professionals would like to think!?!?
My cholesterol is high. One of my liver counts is high. Another count is high, but I am not sure which count it is.
My blood pressure runs high, but it's maintained and controlled with Lisinopril.
I just had a sleep study done, and they found mild Apnea. The preliminary results are in, and she hasn't yet seen an official report because the guys printer and computer aren't working well together right now. OKAY???? So, the person from the doctors office says "It looks like the main things that will help with this is getting the blood pressure under control and losing the weight." Yes, okay.
My weight is one of my MAJOR concerns, but I cannot exercise if I have NO ENERGY. I started trying to lose weight last year and gave up after LIFE happened...but even then, my doctor saw me struggling with my weight, while exercising and eating properly. No, I haven't been able to maintain an exercise regimen for numerous reasons. Energy, or lack thereof has been the main...right along with lack of time (I am in school fulltime, and I am also a fulltime mom to a 5 year old who has not started elementary school yet due to her birthday...) But even without the exercise, I haven't been eating crap food. I eat a pretty healthy diet considering where I live, how we live, and what I am surrounded by. I love my fruits and veggies. I don't eat tons of fried foods. I am a southern girl, so there are some, but I rarely eat anything fried in lard or shortening. That only happens when daddy cooks out once in a blue moon over the fire pit or gas cookers at his house...and even then, I eat smaller amounts due to the fats. At home, if I fry things, I pan fry with vegetable or olive oil. I use low fat margarine or spreads.
I shouldn't have continuously GAINED weight at the rate in which I have. It doesn't make sense. The doctor has noted the gain in weight...I am considered obese. I hate it. I hate who I am. I remember how I thought I was fat in high school...standing 5'5" and weight 135 lbs. soaking wet. YES, I THOUGHT I WAS FAT. I regret it all now. I would do just about anything to be that weight again....I'd just rather be healthier in the way I maintain the weight...instead of skipping meals and eating the way I did then.
I just feel so alone....no matter what I want, no matter what I do...I feel like I am failing at it all....and I hate it.