Tuesday, March 05, 2013
Sparklings- its been an interesting month or so.
Most notably, my fiancÚ and I have separated.
I'm still heartbroken and upset with him. Essentially, he had been, oh how to say this, "partaking in some extra curricular activities"
My Guardian Angels felt it was time I found out and that's what happened 1/21/2013.
Initially, I responded as most emotional eaters might, the first 2 days, I ate nothing, I was literally numb. The following 2 weeks however were a complete "Food Rush Blur"
I could not stop myself from eating.
Despite how much or whatever I ate, the pain wouldnt go away. It felt as though, if I ate enough, eventually, I would fill that void and leave no room for the pain. But that never happened. Of course, I could have kept eating and that void would never have been filled because the pain had nothing to do with my hunger but everything to do with my heartache and feeling betrayed.
I am working on getting back on track, but its a slow process.
I want to support my body and eating the wrong quantities of food isnt going to help.
I want to be able to feel good about my decisions and my food choices.
I am focused and am recommitted to the gym and logging my food entries.
Most importantly: I want to get to a point where I feel the pain- and that's it. I feel pain without trying to mask it or drown it in food.
Initially, with this experience I thought
"I have learned more about the type of person he really is...."
When in actuality, I have learned more about the type of person I am capable of being and I couldnt be any more thankful!