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Tuesday, March 05, 2013

Sparklings- its been an interesting month or so.

Most notably, my fiancÚ and I have separated.

I'm still heartbroken and upset with him. Essentially, he had been, oh how to say this, "partaking in some extra curricular activities"
My Guardian Angels felt it was time I found out and that's what happened 1/21/2013.

Initially, I responded as most emotional eaters might, the first 2 days, I ate nothing, I was literally numb. The following 2 weeks however were a complete "Food Rush Blur"

I could not stop myself from eating.
Despite how much or whatever I ate, the pain wouldnt go away. It felt as though, if I ate enough, eventually, I would fill that void and leave no room for the pain. But that never happened. Of course, I could have kept eating and that void would never have been filled because the pain had nothing to do with my hunger but everything to do with my heartache and feeling betrayed.

I am working on getting back on track, but its a slow process.
I want to support my body and eating the wrong quantities of food isnt going to help.
I want to be able to feel good about my decisions and my food choices.
I am focused and am recommitted to the gym and logging my food entries.

Most importantly: I want to get to a point where I feel the pain- and that's it. I feel pain without trying to mask it or drown it in food.

Initially, with this experience I thought
"I have learned more about the type of person he really is...."

When in actuality, I have learned more about the type of person I am capable of being and I couldnt be any more thankful!



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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

1INSPIREDMAMA 3/13/2013 2:41PM

    My dear dear Clara....YOU have grown and evolved and your angels were telling you its time to open space in your life for someone better that cherishes YOU. As emotional eaters we tend to fall back on what we know...the more you stuff the less you feel, guilty of that myself for way too long! I am so proud of you for realizing that emotions need to be felt and released! Your insight and determination inspire me :0)

Hang in there lady! Brighter days are just around the corner!!

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JLDACQ 3/6/2013 1:20PM

    Clara, I am so sorry to hear that you've split up, and worse, that he was cheating on you. Like others have said, I believe his level of respect for you wasn't that high, and I can tell you that YOU are worth MORE than what he gave you.

On emotional eating: That numbness and then the return to binge eating.... at least yours was a quick turnaround. The numbness I had lasted until January, when SAD kicked in. Since then, my daily eating has become a disaster, and most days, I'm still not tracking what I eat. Shame over what I eat is strong, which isn't helping. I know what you're feeling, even if the reasons for feeling that way are a little different. But we can get through this, and past the emotional eating. Hon, if you were anywhere in my province, I'd be over to visit you in a heartbeat. I hope you know that.

On feeling just the pain: That's no picnic either, but it's the healthiest way to get better. Loneliness is my worse enemy, so as long as I'm not lonely, I'm ok for not eating over the pain. The pain makes me cry a lot, and I can't eat when I'm upset, never could. It's when the crying stops that I'm in trouble, because that's when I'm most vulnerable to just about everything, including the pain and the desire to eat, drink and smoke a lot more than I should.

Email me when you're in the mood to talk, even if it's just venting. Sometimes being able to talk to someone who isn't going to judge you for your words and thoughts helps a lot, even if it makes you cry in the end.

*hugs*

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ELIZABETH5268 3/6/2013 11:43AM

    I am so sorry to hear that:( I am in a similar situation, began to find out 1/26 and over the span of the following two weeks learned more which was heart wretching. I could barely eat for those few weeks and didn't work out much because I was worried I'd hurt myself due to lack of nutrition but have been able to get back on track some. I'm not completely back to where I was on my eating but working out is getting much better.

Two books I downloaded to my Kindle during that time was The Single Woman's Sassy Survival Guide: Letting Go and Moving On Mandy Hale http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0
0742WT1U/ref=oh_d__o00_details_
o00__i00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

and

Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You Susan J. Elliott http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0
097CWNSO/ref=oh_d__o01_details_
o01__i00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

I read the Sassy Girl's Survival Guide and followed her on Twitter and that was the jump start to helping get me out of a fog. I am very glad I read it as a jump start. It was short and I was able to read it in two days I believe. It wasn't a perfect healer but a great start and we all have to start somewhere and see some hope:) I am still reading the second one and I can tell you it's amazing, truley amazing and sticks to it's title.

It's very hard to get past things like this but done properly can truly be one of the best things that ever happened. I wish you luck on your journey as you get past this. You will accomplish great things with the positive attitude you ahve shown in this blog!

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DAWNWATERWOMAN 3/5/2013 10:13PM

    Sorry for the breakup but glad that you learned his faults ahead of time. One day at a time you'll make it through. Glad to see you sparking with us. emoticon

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TRAVELGRRL 3/5/2013 3:08PM

    I am so sorry to hear this, and know that anything I say can't change things or make it better. I assume "extracurricular activity" is cheating on you...and anyone who will do that has NO respect for you, NO regard for you, and NEVER WILL.

Are you better off without him? Absolutely. Of course. Now you are free -- so the person who will really cherish you and thank God every day for bringing you into his life -- can find you!

Continue your journey, dear one, both physically, mentally, and spiritually.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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