1-99 SparkPoints 85

First Day: Excited/Nervous

Tuesday, March 05, 2013

Hello everyone, this is my first blog entry on my first day as a member of this community. I would like to first share a bit about myself. My name is Tabitha and I am 21 years old. I have an 18 month old daughter and a wonderful fiance and I want to be healthy for them. I want to be able to fit into whichever wedding dress I choose as mine. I want to feel better physically and about myself mentally and emotionally. Medically I am classified as obese. When I discovered this I was not very happy. It's taken me a long time to get up the nerve to actively work on losing weight. I know it will be hard and I have spent my entire life struggling with being over weight. I am not going to blame genetics or a slow metabolism because, simply put, I am where I am weight wise because of me. Yes, yes, my parents could have instilled better eating habits and my slow metabolism could mean I am genetically predisposed to being overweight yadda, yadda, yadda. In the end I am the one who ate too much, didn't exercise enough and allowed my weight to get out of control. My biggest fear is leaving my daughter without a mother.
I have spent years feeling like a second class being because I am overweight. I've been bullied, verbally, and physically because of it. I feel unattractive and am honestly quite depressed when I think about how much I weigh. Looking at my body in the mirror before bathing hurts me because I don't see a healthy and attractive young woman looking back and I fear that I am doomed to spend my life feeling like this.
I have been wanting to take action for quite some time and found this site today and decided, why not? Why not take a chance and see if I can challenge myself to do better and be better. So far I have a very supportive group of people to help me stick to and achieve my goals. My biggest challenge is simply finding time to devote to physical activity outside my job. I have a job that has varying hours and I don't get what seems like much time to myself. My job is stressful and mentally tiring. I am on my feet all day and many times get home after dark. I feel like I have no time to spend with my daughter or my other loved ones. Thinking about it is depressing and I admit that I turn to unhealthy eating habits as a coping mechanism. Food tastes good. It makes me feel happy to have a delicious meal in front of me. I overeat because my eyes get bigger at my stomach. I don't usually get a break to eat at work so when I eat I gorge and end up feeling over-stuffed and miserable. Then I feel bad because the free meal I get from work is not usually a healthy one. I work in fast food so it's very tempting to just grab my free food at the end of the day and not worry about eating a healthful meal.

In conclusion, here are my health goals: I want to eat better, find the time for exercise, improve my life overall and finally feel good about myself. I look forward to this experience and am hoping that this community and the challenges and resources I find here will be what I have needed and wanted all these years. My weekly goal will be to log onto this site everyday and keep track of my meals and fitness. I want to drink more water, and get more sleep. I want to lose at least one pound in the next two weeks. Wish me luck!
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