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A Little Nervous and Restless

Tuesday, March 05, 2013

Alright. I have to get something off my chest here. I am a nervous wreck. Even to the point that I woke up in the middle of the night trying to catch my breath last night. I understand exactly why I'm feeling this way, because my DH decoded my thoughts. I'm going to spend several days with my parents next week, and I will be alone with them--this could be bad folks. Let me explain...

My parents have been known to be very harsh critics of my life, particularly where my weight is concerned (especially my dad). Several, more than I can count, comments have been made about my weight over the years. Now, as all of you know, I have been fighting the good fight against my weight for a long time and was making no progress. Then I wound up pg, and I certainly haven't been weighing on a daily basis. The problem is, because I wasn't completely where I needed to be, and because I gain weight (and always have) in my stomach, I already have a huge looking stomach in this pregnancy. When all those muscles began relaxing that I had worked so hard to tighten up, my belly just started to really hang out there, and add to it the continuing growth, and I am already showing. I can just imagine all of the comments that will ensue. And I won't have my protector/warrior with me this time. My knight and shining armor is sending me away so he can finish up some of the chemical processes in our remodel that I cannot be around while pregnant. This will be the first time I'm spending with my parents alone since before my DH came into my life over 3 years ago. He's always so good at diverting their negativity with alternate conversation without sounding like a jerk. They LOVE my DH...sometimes I think more than me! No....really. emoticon

In all honesty, I am not trying to have a pity party here. I'm just so scared they are going to make comments about my increasing weight. I don't think it will matter if I tell them I'm still eating healthy and being careful not to pig out. I can imagine them thinking "yeah...right." I really hope none of this comes true. The last visit we had with them, they really behaved and kept all nasty comments to themselves. It was actually a nice visit! So, I'm hoping this time will be pleasant, but who knows? They aren't exactly overjoyed at my pregnancy either, so I'm not too sure what to expect. I know I'm excited! I can hardly stand the excitement of my baby! I go in next week for an ultrasound!!!

So, think of me as I go on Friday--I'm so hopeful that it will go well. In the mean time, I hope I can relax about it and get some rest. emoticon

Hope all of you have a wonderful week! emoticon
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUSAN-IS-WORTHY 3/6/2013 9:05PM

    Oh ,I can relate in many ways to your anxiety on this one! For me, it is my mom. Even though she may not always make comments out loud, I can see it in here eyes. Please, please do your best to block out any negative thoughts they may say out loud. I know this is hard, but you have to realize you are your own person. You are not under their roof any more and they no longer control you. You make the decisions that are right for you. Look at all those wonderful accomplishments you mentioned for February! Do your best to focus on the positive, and may be even though your husband isn't there, the baby can divert some of that attention for you instead!
Good luck!

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SWAZY33 3/6/2013 12:46PM

    Your number one priority has to be you and your baby to me...I know its easier said than done...but...try and let that stress go and *if* they should say any negative about your belly...turn it into a positive...like...yep, your grandbaby is doing great emoticon
Hugs and prayers for a peaceful visit

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BETHS60 3/6/2013 9:13AM

    No matter how old we get, we still care about what our parents say to us. Why is that?

With any luck, the reason that the last visit went so well is that they are really trying. Let's hope this is the case, and that this visit will be a positive one.

Here are some things to try if you get a negative comment:
1. What would DH do? You've seen him deflect. Can you do it to?
2. Agree with what they say. "Golly, you're right. I am a PIG! How did I not recognize this before. I think I'd better console myself by eating a side of beef and a pound cake."
3. Acknowledge and redirect. "Thanks for being concerned about my health." Then change the subject.
4. Ask questions. "What would you do in my position? How do you think I should address my weight issue?"
5. Don't engage at all. Immediately change the subject. "Have you seen any good movies lately?"
6. Fake getting a phone call. "Hang on, I've got to get this." And leave the room.
7. Make it about them. Depending on their current size "Have you ever had a weight issue? What did you do?" or "What are you doing about your weight?"

The goals I am thinking of here are preventing you from feeling defensive, or getting into an argument on whether or not you are looking as slender as possible. It seems like they are either trying to hurt you or are trying to help you. If they are trying to hurt you, letting them see you hurt is a win for them. If they are trying to help you, but are just really bad at it, then you can guide them into a more positive approach.

There is always the direct, honest approach. "I see you are commenting on my weight again. This has been happening since I was ____. It makes me feel (ugly, sad, angry, unloved, etc.), and I get defensive. I am making positive changes in my life. I need you to support me in this."

Good luck.

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_LINDA 3/6/2013 12:52AM

    Totally get where you are coming from, and sorry this has to be. Stress sure isn't what you need during your pregnancy. All you can do is show by example when you get there that you are eating healthy and you are trying to keep up with whatever exercise you are able to do. Its hard to believe parents not getting excited about a grandchild, usually they are wondering when the first one will be coming! I am sincerely hoping they don't give you attitude and treat you well when you are there.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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RIDMYCOCOON 3/5/2013 8:20PM

    I think it is okay to say to someone (even a parent) please, if you have nothing supportive to say to me, don't say anything at all. Love me for who I am or take a hike. Whatever the case may be I wish you loads of luck and may a strong energy field of positive vibes surround you and your perfect body at all times. ~~~~~~~~~~ emoticon

Comment edited on: 3/5/2013 8:22:11 PM

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CANDYCANE2B 3/5/2013 6:25PM

    Caiti, my thoughts and prayers go with you and I hope you are suprised by happiness with your family during your visit. I hope they don't say anything negative about your weight when it already makes you uncomfortable. I hope they just look past that and look at the real you, who is a precious, sweet lady!

emoticon emoticon
~Candy~

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RACHELBUGSMAMA 3/5/2013 1:49PM

    I'm sorry to hear that your parents aren't supportive. But I know you are doing the best you can for your wee one! Just keep that in mind and try to let their negativity roll off.
Hope your u/s goes well!


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VAPIDWENCH 3/5/2013 12:14PM

    Nothing worse than unsupportive family that you can't escape from. Why not try confronting them about how you feel - it's easier said than done I know.

If you find yourself in a defensive position take a deep breath and try calmly explaining that their attitude leaves a lot to be desired, and perhaps they could do with focusing their attention on the exciting times you're going through rather than trying to pick holes.

Ask yourself, what are they trying to gain by making you feel bad? What are those comments really masking, because I bet they're actually not about you at all.

Worst come to worst just think about your gorgeous home and the new family you're creating.

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HAWAIIBOUND713 3/5/2013 11:05AM

    I feel ya! I have really bad anixety issues and the worse things about them is my own mother is the trigger....I hate having to see her sometime just because I am not sure of the mood she will be in. SHe has bad anxiety/depression and jelousy issues. She is working on her own weight loss goals and when she hit a cetain weight my dad is taking her to Europe. Well she has also wanted to go to Hawaii and when she found out I was going she has been cold shouldered to me ever since. i feel like i have to walk on eggshell around her.

Think of the good things, try to focus on baby things take focus off you and more on fun preparing. emoticon

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SAASHA17 3/5/2013 10:28AM

    Hey

first of all...breathe!!! And then try to ignore the thoughts..u will cross the bridge when it comes...why stress urself now..i know easy to say..but think of the little peanut in there..u dont want him/her to feel ur stress...dont worry too much..for all u know it might be great and if it doesnt...ignore them...u shud be doing everything u can for this baby...dont think about anyone..shudnt matter...

emoticon

Manasa

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