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    BEEKAHBUG   21,264
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What is Love?


Tuesday, March 05, 2013

As I have mentioned earlier, I was raised in a cult. And, in the cult emotions were typically viewed as bad. The only good emotion was joy, because it focused on the Lord. Happiness was considered a sin because it was a fleshly emotion that relied on circumstances to be good. But, joy was dependent on our relationship with God, not our circumstances.

In the same way, love was categorized as a choice and not an emotion. We were taught that if you had romantic feelings about someone it was a fleshly manifestation of infatuation and a sin. Love was a choice. Love was defined as "giving to another's basic needs without having a reward as my motive" or something to that effect. I don't remember the exact wording now.

However, I am coming to realize that this was also a false teaching. I married my only boyfriend. We met when I was about 22. I had no interest in guys as a teenager. In fact, looking at a guy in the wrong way or for any length of time could get me into trouble. I was at ease with my brother's friends. But, any other guys I didn't know how to interact with. When I went to college, I was around guys for the first time in my life. And, in a situation where interaction was encouraged. This was a first for me, and I think it was a few months before I really had a conversation with a guy. After a couple years, I did break the mold and had a few guy friends, but never dated any of them.

So, now, it may seem crazy, but I measure love based on how much it would hurt to lose something or someone. I really don't know if this is a good measure of love. But, I reason that if it would not hurt to lose someone or something then I didn't love them. I would be devastated if something happened to my husband or if he left for some reason.

I have also come to realize that happiness is not a sin. I am usually pretty happy with my life. Although, I have struggled with depression for many years now. But, it doesn't result in unhappiness.

But, I'm still not sure what love is. I have no feelings associated with anything. In fact, I have not allowed myself to feel anything for many, many years. When I was growing up, if I wasn't cheerful and smiling, then I would get into trouble. At work, everyone sees me as this really cheerful, upbeat person, but I'm not really that bubbly. I'd much rather fade into the background and not have anyone notice me than be in the forefront of attention.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
BEAUTIFUL_REINA 3/5/2013 8:03AM

    Its so HARD not to let a bad child hood prevent you from having a GREAT rest of your life....

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EOWYN2424 3/5/2013 7:04AM

    {{{Hugs}}}

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AZMOMXTWO 3/5/2013 6:54AM

  to me Love is not wanting to go on with out the other person I would not want to go on if I did not have my Children but there are other ways to love also It hurts very deeply to know that my Grandmother is no longer on this earth but it is calming to know that I will be with her aging in the afterlife so to speek

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JGRAY76 3/5/2013 6:49AM

    To me, love is any thing or person that you are passionate about. You can love your husband, your kids, your job, your home, your pets etc. as long as you feel passionate and strongly about that person or object. For example, I have an old favorite gray sweatshirt that I love. I have had it for years and the stress of the day just melts away when I put it on in the evening. I love my kids and would do anything for them. I can't wait until I see them the next time and call them often. Everyone has their own definition of love but for me is passion.

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