Monday, March 04, 2013
It's been over a month sense my last entry. My eating habits have definitely gone off the rails. I have continued to eat close to my plan and tracked what I ate but I have gone over my calories almost every day and stopped exercising. I have struggled with wanting to get back on track before I came back to SP. That is not working. So I have decided to be honest and share what I am dealing with. It all started about four weeks ago. My work started picking up and fast. I was creating a new quality control system and it was very difficult. My manager had a lot of pressure to make it succeed and therefore put pressure on me to make sure we didn't fail miserably. I responded in a very unusual way. I am pretty sure I have always responded this way but never noticed. I took it personal. I felt like a failure before even failing. So I started eating. The problem was not that I was afraid to fail. The problem was I felt like I have always been a failure this was just confirmation. Something strange happened. For the first time I saw my behavioral response in a different light. I was being immature and selfish. Why am I allowing my work to control my life like this? I have worked hard to get where I am. How can I be so petty and small? Even knowing this, I still can't control my eating. So, maybe I need to come clean and tell someone. Confession is good for the soul, right? Well, I am gonna keep going. I will not give up. Just because I am not the best I can be doesn't mean I haven't improved. So, I will continue to be as real as I can and put one foot in front of the other.