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    LRCARR048   6,297
SparkPoints
5,500-6,999 SparkPoints
 
 
I Need To Be Real

Monday, March 04, 2013

It's been over a month sense my last entry. My eating habits have definitely gone off the rails. I have continued to eat close to my plan and tracked what I ate but I have gone over my calories almost every day and stopped exercising. I have struggled with wanting to get back on track before I came back to SP. That is not working. So I have decided to be honest and share what I am dealing with. It all started about four weeks ago. My work started picking up and fast. I was creating a new quality control system and it was very difficult. My manager had a lot of pressure to make it succeed and therefore put pressure on me to make sure we didn't fail miserably. I responded in a very unusual way. I am pretty sure I have always responded this way but never noticed. I took it personal. I felt like a failure before even failing. So I started eating. The problem was not that I was afraid to fail. The problem was I felt like I have always been a failure this was just confirmation. Something strange happened. For the first time I saw my behavioral response in a different light. I was being immature and selfish. Why am I allowing my work to control my life like this? I have worked hard to get where I am. How can I be so petty and small? Even knowing this, I still can't control my eating. So, maybe I need to come clean and tell someone. Confession is good for the soul, right? Well, I am gonna keep going. I will not give up. Just because I am not the best I can be doesn't mean I haven't improved. So, I will continue to be as real as I can and put one foot in front of the other.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MUTTSBARK 5/13/2013 9:05AM

    Hi, I have been there ... In so many ways. I wonder if all people have the same feelings from time to time.
You sound artistic - natured, and I to me, that is a wonderful quality.
Also, you are the one who came up to the plate, in spite of a full - time job with all the attending pressures to organize a Raleigh group. That takes verve and imagination.
I have been on Spark for a while, but I have not yet gotten involved much with the community. I am currently in a rut and would love to find out more about the Raleigh group. I am retired and might be willing to help, but first I want to meet y'all and see what goes!
Holly

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AWESOMECHELZ 4/4/2013 4:02PM

    I think the key is this - "I am pretty sure I have always responded this way but never noticed." That's it, my friend!! It may seem very small to you but awareness is such an important thing in this journey of ours. Start with just 10 minutes per day and that's it. I am glad you are back and please do continue to share. We can all learn from each other. emoticon emoticon Chelsea emoticon

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LRCARR048 3/6/2013 12:18AM

    Thanks Everyone!

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MARYELLEN301 3/5/2013 4:03PM

    Confessions are in order! I returned from my trip 10.5 pounds OVER goal weight! I was up probably 2 before I left, but bottom line is 10.5 is 10.5. I have now brought it down to 8 pounds over so I am going in the right direction, but I definitely need to keep on the straight and narrow. LOTS of fruits and veggies is what is doing it for me. I don't want to get comfortable with being over even a little bit. Fortunately, I have only myself to worry about. No boss, no pressures no kids, so it's definitely easier for me. I find the key is weighing and measuring (a pain I know) and tracking everything. Acknowledgement is a big part of the battle so I think you are on the right track.. Hang in there.

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PRACTICINGPEACE 3/4/2013 10:44PM

    Good for you for coming back while you're struggling. Its so much easier (for me) to post when I am "on track", but it is so much more courageous to post when I'm "off track". So, good for you. I hope this will help you get back on track!

I guess I want to say that I struggle a lot, too. You are not alone in this. Best of luck as you continue your journey.

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