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When the bottom falls out

Monday, March 04, 2013

When the bottom falls out from under you what do you do?

a) Hold on for dear life with broken fingers nails and white knuckles
b) Scream
c) Cry
d) Reach deep inside and find strength

Ya, the answer is (e) all of the above.

After months of advising the owner of the firm that we were running on empty and new clients needed to be obtained somehow, someway he finally got the message last week. Albeit to late to save us.

Friday, afternoon, he let me know that we will be closing the doors for the final time at the end of March. THE.BOTTOM.FELL.OUT! O_O I sat stone faced and simply asked, "how do we prepare for that?"

Having seen the writing on the wall for months I wasn't all that surprised but it's still a shock to the system. I've spent 12 years of my life with this company. I don't like job changes so I hung through the best and worst of times. We've had partnership formations, break ups, embezzlement (by the owners wife), our corporate office was fire bombed by defendants in a case and we've hired/fired a few fantastic people and a few not so fantastic people.

I've been tasked with shutting it down but I'm not sure what that looks like. Gotta match and some gasoline? That should do it, right?! HA. I'd handle the task a lot better if I could get answers to my questions but Mr In Charge seems to be too busy to chat. *SHOCKING!*

My emotions are all over the map. The worst one yet, suddenly feeling insecure about my knowledge and know how of the business. That's a sinking feeling of all kinds of nastiness. *SHAKE.IT.OFF*

I'm also angry at Mr In Charge for not paying attention. For not listening. For always being the guy who dreams big but doesn't have a plan in place to make those dreams a reality. I'm equally angry at my Mr for being a spender. I told him months ago that things were grim and to stop the unnecessary spending. He didn't listen either.

I'm bitter at those around me for taking on my issue and making it theirs. I don't want to have to babysit someone else because they suddenly have a mental break due to my employment status. Really, this isn't about you! I tell them and then repeat ... this is why I don't share things because I suddenly have to be your rock and my own pillar of strength. I get the wide eyed stare and silence after that. Here's a thought ... ask me how I'm doing and if there's anything you can do. *VENTING*

I'm sad. It's been 12 years. TWELVE.YEARS!! I'm comfortable and I'm in charge.

I haven't found my happy place yet. I'm still looking!

Sure my Mr works but he makes just above minimum wage. He's been trying to get a new position with a higher wage but the market is competitive. Between his wage and my pending unemployment things will be TIGHT for awhile. Doable? Well, it's gonna have to be doable.

I'm holding on by my fingertips when it comes to my nutrition. I cannot afford to loose control. I can't slide into the blackness and allow binges to take over. Eat responsibly if nothing else right now. I can report I've not binged since the news. A couple of nights I felt the urge and knew if I stayed up after the Mr went to bed I'd be in trouble so off to bed I went to read. *CRISIS AVERTED*

Workouts are a must and I am sore to prove I put in the time. Saturday I was at the gym for Zumba and strength training and back again on Sunday. My workout friend is helping keep me focused and on task. For that I am eternally grateful.

This is a dark time for me right now and I'm trying to keep my head on straight. I'm looking for the next best thing and a soft place to land. I'm looking inward to find the strength I know I have and the power to push through.

When the bottom falls out ... what will you do?
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ON2VICTORY 3/5/2013 5:12PM

    I am so with you on this... i get it.... trying to keep it together.

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MANLEYSANDY 3/5/2013 10:46AM

    I was laid off from a job for the first time in my life in July 2011. I hated the job itself, but the money was good, it was very low stress and it afforded me the time to study at work, so I took the trade off. I received severance pay which was great but I "freaked" out about not having a job, especially during this slow economic recovery. I was lucky, I found a job right away but boy I hated the job and what it represented, being at the bottom again. I was literally in a daze for a few months, but decided that things could be worse, I was lucky I had a job and tried to make the best of it, and I did. But I felt much like you, insecure about who I was forgetting that I am a professional with a lot of wonderful experience just like you are and I persevered during the toughest of time. Now I am in a job I am being to love but not because it is the wrong job but because I am still trying to shake that feeling of insecurity. That is not the job's fault, that is my fault!

I hate when people say. "well everything happens for a reason", of course it does, but losing your job is a big deal. I know you will land on your feet, but I also know how easy it is to avoid the stress and uncertainty with food. It does not help in the long run and just adds to the problem.

Keep doing what your doing. My advice to you, if you can financially, take the time to find the right new place of employment, not just a job. I wish I had done that, it would have avoided a lot of murky days.

Hope there is some help in all that!

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 3/4/2013 7:45PM

    I'm so sorry... You are strong and you know what you're doing, don't ever doubt yourself. I know you'll fight your way though it. *HUGS*

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ENDUROVET 3/4/2013 4:38PM

    (F) RIDE... Ride hard, ride fast, ride until your back seizes up & you must cry for mercy.
(Blog post coming)

Condolences on the demise of your law firm... But I have confidence in you my dear!

emoticon emoticon

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AUGUSTDRAGON 3/4/2013 4:10PM

    I've had the bottom fall out. It's not pleasant, I feel for you. You sound like you have your head screwed on right though, so you'll come through with flying colors. emoticon emoticon

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