Monday, March 04, 2013
So the first time I was on spark people I started off at 227 pounds and I lost 27 by this point in my journey. I was having a very hard time with things going on in my home life and was extremely stressed out, and really didn't have control over my emotions at all. I also stayed away from desserts with all of my might I did workouts at home and I would go to the park to jog (it was a bit warmer that winter) and then I had a bad week of no energy and I lost my motivation with my weight loss. I also had a very bad week with my brother and all the problems he was causing for my family. I also met my boyfriend at this time and he made me feel pretty and worth loving and I had a very hard time accepting this. So I put off my weight loss goals and efforts for the happiness I felt when I was around him. And I needed it so much more than I thought.
This is my second time on spark people and I started off at 215 and I am at 194.8 right now. I am at the same length of time I was at last time. I have lost only 20 pounds (compared to the 27 before) I workout but not like I did and I can't jog like I used to I don't avoid desserts at all costs like before I feel like I eat more of a variety than I did before. I do have more restrictions this time around so it is making it harder for me to find things that I can eat. I want to workout more than I do but I find it hard to do with my work schedule and I want to spend time with my guy. Tomorrow is our two year anniversary and I have never been in a relationship this long before I am happy with us but I don't think I am happy with myself with my appearance so I decided to try again this year and I am doing pretty well. I wish he was a little better on the support system than he is but I am working on it. He has also kind of fallen off the wagon and no matter what I do I can't seem to get him yo go back to the gym with me so I feel a bit like a failure but I keep trying and I am trying to make sure I go.
I definitely feel like I am in a better place than I was the first time around and I don't have to hide my weight loss efforts this time around which has definitely helped my mental state this time. I can see the differences I just hope I can keep going this time. I need to make I tap into my can do powers and find my motivation to keep going and stay in the fight even when the going gets hard. I haven't had a real bad week yet but its bound to happen. Just gotta make sure I can get up and dust myself off this time around. I have better support so should be easier.
The main goal for myself is to finally be happy with me.