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    SHERRYWILSON   25,754
25,000-29,999 SparkPoints

What I know about me and how I feel about me

Monday, March 04, 2013

What I know about me are :
I'm loyal
try to be a good friend
good co-worker
Don't hesitate to help anyone
What I feel:
Respect goes along way but I don't feel respected
I'm pretty positive person
Try to keep everyone up positive
But today I just feel like I don't matter anymore I know this is wrong
But when you keep getting told that you never do anything your always busting rump to keep people out of trouble that don't care about me as far as I do my job I feel my job is important and I try everything and I do everything without hesitation I don't even mind till I get talked down to disrespected and feel worse than dirt I'm above the ground not below it and my emotional state Is getting affected by all this I just think it should be me who's happy healthy and feeling on top the world but unfortunately I don't the reason why is emotional abuse is just as bad as hitting and right now my mental state is depressed and emotionally hurt by others words I know in my heart none of it is true but it still hurts when you hear the remarks being told to you by your boss because she is upset says things about the last few days didn't even have anything to do with me I wasn't there I was off but somehow it was my fault nothing was done I told her I wasn't there I couldn't tell her why nothing was done I got most of my sandwiches done today but I was also being pulled from sandwiches to do cutting meat and cheese and cooking but it's hard to get everything done when you jumping from area to area but this is also the reason I love my job because my add isn't affected it actually works in my favor I feel better positive about myself unless I hear daily like in the past few months while at work how bad she feels I'm doing I'm just tired of being beat down emotionally by my boss it mean no reason for it I think she great even though she is stressed out isn't a good excuse to belittle to the point I want to quit cause I feel like I'm in the way not getting anything done I just feel shattered and broken like she don't want me their I never felt like I wasn't wanted like this before I been passing it off as the probably the winter blues but if im at home i I'm just fine and I'm coming to a point that I'm feeling I'm hurting myself by allowing her to make me feel like that emotional and not myself I don't want to quit at all like I say I really like my job till she gets stressed tells me that I'm the reason everything not done or like today the comments I got today was like about reading skills I can read but I don't know why she said that I needed to read the paper I follow instructions all the time and when she told me that she better not have to break out the colored crayons to draw me a pretty picture of how to put a wrap together what is so hard about throwing lettuce meat sauce and cheese and more lettuce then wrap it up like in tortillas shell I read everyday it really hurt my feelings by making the insult of my reading skills and that I don't do my job I just tired of trying anymore to help when all I hear is no I don't want you doing that I'm like needs done and I'm able to do it now so I just keep getting in trouble I can't clock in without her getting mad and glaring at me she says I take to long to get up there I'm there by 5 after the latest unless I'm running late I'm not allowed to talk to anyone if they see me and stop me say hey I get griped out out for that even if its less than a minute it's sad I just don't feel good about myself anymore in last 2 months I never felt this low while at work its not me always happy go lucky till lately now I'm just sad depressed but the reality of it all I'm fine till I get to work
I never felt as bad as I do now but I'm taking it a day at a time wishing us all the best it will come we are short handed really bad right now on top of it all

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
SHERRYWILSON 3/5/2013 11:59AM

    Sad thing is I really like the people I work with even the my boss I love it here and just say keeping up the positive attitude I forgave it and went on so everyday is a new day

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ATTACKFATCAT 3/5/2013 10:04AM

    No one should be treated like that in any situation. I would definitely try to talk to her in a way that will make her not too defensive, as in "It makes me feel ____ when you talk to me like this. Could you try ____ instead if you need to talk to me about something?" This may not work if she's a bully, but it can at least start the process of changing your work environment. Start documenting what she says and when, and if there are any witnesses. If she continues to berate you, go up the chain of command and show them what you've documented. And while this is going on, if you can, try to find another job. As much as you may love the job, no one deserves that level of verbal abuse and until you stand up to her and the bullying, she'll just keep doing it. She wants to get a rise out of you and likely wants to hurt you, so try not to let her see it impact you. If you respond neutrally with "yes ma'am, no ma'am, I understand, OK" and you don't show that you're upset, she may eventually stop if she can't get an emotional reaction out of you. Good luck!

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SHERRYWILSON 3/5/2013 9:47AM

    Staying positive is a major improvement on depression and anxiety I don't think I can I know I can and will be a better person for all my strength gained along from my struggles it's just an improving my judgement skills for others and keep focusing on the positive I can only do so much I will do what I can if that's not good enough that fine to but all I can do is all I can do and shouldn't be talked down to or treated like I'm not doing anything I do the best I can if its not good enough then I can't help ya out anyways so that's how I'm feeling now positive god only gives you test that I can handle it and learn from other critism and be a better person for it so maybe I should say thanks for the added strength training lesson and keep on doing what I do best how I can I'm glad I finally feel better overall it just one of those areas that take time like everything else takes time I don't feel I need medication today after all it's a new day and I hope everyone has fresh good start everyday yesterday is over and done now I'm here strong standing up and winning you might of knocked me down but I am back up and ready stronger than before I hope everyone understands what I'm trying say negativity is just another emotion to keep ya down don't believe it no matter who says it or you tell yourself say no I am not that way and tell yourself how good you are and what your worth everybody is worth a lot everyone has great things to offer but just has harder ways of showing we are all worth it we are all strong in diffrent areas take it a run I'm building my weakness by strengthing them up depression anxiety is a weakness an illness that I used to feel I can't control but the reality is you can you can do what ever your heart wants you just got to go get it and finish it like my blog here was bad sad but now I'm happy positive and over all I don't hate or disrespect anyone I feel encourage to go forward now that you can do it if I can you can right do it with me

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METALJEN73 3/5/2013 9:22AM

    Hope things are looking better for you! Hang in there. emoticon

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SHERRYWILSON 3/5/2013 8:56AM

    I'm keeping positive still going

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SHERRYWILSON 3/5/2013 6:49AM

    Me too we Need help but I feel more like in a prison than work for the reasoning didn't quit it wouldn't been fair to the rest of the department who I get along well with I think I'm an easy person to get along with but the last month I been hearing how bad she feels I am I'm thinking I'm over stressed from hearing how bad i am it's been several months now

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CONTAY3 3/4/2013 9:33PM

    Sherry, so sorry you have to go through that. You need to talk to her and if that doesn't do any good, go over her head. Don't hesitate. You are worth more than that. If that doesn't work, then start looking for another job. You don't need to be treated like that. You are a human being too.
Good luck and best wishes.

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CONTAY3 3/4/2013 9:33PM

    Sherry, so sorry you have to go through that. You need to talk to her and if that doesn't do any good, go over her head. Don't hesitate. You are worth more than that. If that doesn't work, then start looking for another job. You don't need to be treated like that. You are a human being too.
Good luck and best wishes.

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MOOSETLC 3/4/2013 7:30PM

    Oh wow! I worked in the food industry and a had a manager like that for the last year...punched safes, knocked buns over, luckily I found another job after a year and I don't think I would ever go back to that industry.

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SHERRYWILSON 3/4/2013 8:21AM

    We been understaffed since before Christmas I know if it be me like I said I understand where she coming from I honestly do but it just seems to me lately that it just getting to her as a whole she is a great boss she works her tail off I respect that a lot I know she gets all the heat from everyone's mistakes that in itself is not worth the headache to me but she wanted that position so I also think she should realize that also her attitude makes it to where we work good or bad i tried to talk to her about how she makes me feel but she just mad and don't care I kept trying to tell her it be ok we can get it let's she told me to focus on sandwiches I did good but I didn't get very far because I had to slice meat and cheese too and work hot case and the sad thing is I always do all 3 no problems I keep saying all we can do is what we can and I did what I could as fast as I could and it wasn't good enough one of our hands was gone on vacation all last week she was getting it too and so was the lady who was gone for the last 4 days we all got the other people's insults and remarks it was none of our faults none of us was even there but she is off today I'm been wanting to ask her what I have ever done to make her treat me the way she does because I do my job I'm a hard worker everyone says I do a good job too that she just stressed out right now don't pay attention to it much well I hate to say it I used to be able to but after few months of the same ole crap I just don't get what I have done I hi set my feel just coming in puts her in a bad mood every time she sees me it seems instant attitude I'm not thinking that I have done anything to make her upset it just my nerves are crazy now because I get constant eye rolls or remarks I just wanted to leave yesterday and never go back but honestly I couldn't and wouldn't walk out on my coworkers like that just because I got mad or my feelings hurt a little bit I trying to fight depression but the only time fighting is at work I'm fine at home pretty much my husband hates seeing go to work ready to conquer the world and come home feeling worthless and stupid I'm not neither one but it sure dies make a person not feel good when you bust your rear every shift and not appreciated for it she never really has been this upset but when she came into no one stocking pizzas no sandwiches made to put out to sell I make mistakes i'm human and one person not responsible for what everyone else actions are but I made to feel like I am to do every thing and other can stand around and talk that's not even fair they don't get talked to or yelled at but every time she has something she wants said it's voiced to me I'm not even the assistant it crazy I just wished others would help me out and do what suppose to be done so that my boss would calm down some but she does take all the heat for all of us but I think she should watch and see what's going on and not just get angry and go off she says she never sees me because unless I'm on overs I'm either cooking or washing dishes working hot case and or loading and unloading rottiseries
We have a lot of work and salads and sandwiches has to be done with 2 people explain that process to me how can you cook every 2 hours predict when customers going to order meat and or cheese plus fill the rotisseries pull the food after every 2 hours and not get behind if ones constantly cooking the other is meat and cheese slicer and helping put food down to cook when told I need this ok just a sec or to get dump in fryer and it started in the process while she helping customers it's not that hard or big of a deal to do I do it as helping others in our department I'm a very big team player every one says I team play to much that I need to stand back and breathe sometimes I never get my breaks and lunches on time cause I'm Always in the middle of something I have respect for my coworkers and leads but I feel when they talk down to me disrespected and I just want to keep my department going you know I feel it's me a part but everyone as a whole I'm just part of it I shouldn't be the only part in trouble you know lately I feel down about work but even we get the 2 new hands I'm sure everything will go back to normal I can't wait for the relaxing days to come I can't wait to get all this extra heavy anxiety weight off my chest it hurts to breathe too. I been saying I might need on meds but if I have another bad week next week I will start back on them because I used to like myself now I don't I feel too emotional I don't like that

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BELLAMEMAW 3/4/2013 5:40AM

    Wow - this sounds like something I would have written. My job can depress the HECK out of me sometimes. More times than not, as of late. I just keep my eyes open for something else. I don't have a critical boss but I'm very isolated in my job - little to no people contact.

Have you told your boss how you feel? I don't know how approachable she is. I know that can be a double edged sword but perhaps it's worth a try.

Best of luck - Mondays are always harder than the rest it seems! Pat

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ANGELA76H 3/4/2013 12:52AM

    Hope things get better for you at work soon! Take care!

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