Sunday, March 03, 2013
What makes me phsycho about my weight loss journey. Hmmmmmm could it be snacks that husband buys and has around the house. OR is it the life that gets in the way my of my exercise - mom can you babysit, mom can the kids come overnight, mom can you take the kids here for me OR there is all those delectable treats that we make everyday at the store. The cheese croissants that call my name, the soft chewy cookies that say you know you want me,the caramel macchiato that beckons me with its steaming coffee smell. OR perhaps it is my inability to stay the course.
I know that the last is what makes me most phsycho about my journey to health. I was raised in a home where I had a very loving father who put everything into family. He had been an orphan who valued everything that family stood for. He worked hard with very little education to feed and clothe 7 children. He loved my mother with a blind love that never saw her faults. In fairness probably if she had had only one or two children her coping power might have been better. I just do not believe that she was capable of maintaining a household nine people with a small budget, a husband that worked long hours in order to put a roof over the families head and food on the table. I was the sixth child in the family and by the time my younger brother and I came along I think my mother was sick of being a baby machine, was sick of being a mom and really had no more to give.
I remember thinking when I was pregnant with my first child how I wanted to be the best mom in the world and I vowed to myself that I would never become like the mother I had been raised with. And I'm not. I have always put my kids first, made the dresses for the special occasions, made sure the birthday parties were special, went to all their games,recitals, sewed the special dresses, been there when the babies were born and I don't regret one second of it. We guided the kids through school and just when they were starting to get married off, and it was time for hubby and I to catch out breath, start putting ourselves first he got sick. Now just when I was thinking hmm maybe I can cut back on work a bit life throws a curve ball. In the matter of hours I had the title of caregiver added to my resume.
Don't get me wrong I don't have a bad life, and being my husbands caregiver has made me a stronger person. It has also shown me that I am not my mother. When my dad got sick my mom was not good to him and after years of him trying so hard she really was quite cruel. I realize that my hubby's illness has made me a stronger kinder person. I have learned to fight and have learned to never give up. I consider myself lucky because I have wonderful loving husband, I have great kids and kids-in-law, I have six of the most beautiful grand babies that I adore and that adore me. I have so much. But I need to take better care of myself in order to take better care of everyone else. I also know that only I can do this. I have to concentrate on the things I have done for myself. I have lost over fifty lbs. I am stronger physically, and mentally, I do my races, I have my trainer, I am learning to occasionally take some time off but I have to admit I still need work. I love being outside but can't use the weather as an excuse to slack on the exercise when it is bad outside. I need to take the time to cook healthy, eat healthy and realize I am worth the time to continue pushing a healthy lifestyle onto myself.