On Sundays, I reflect on the week past. What was good? What wasn't? What could I and should I have done differently?
And I think about the new week ahead. What else can I change? What should I not do again? What should I continue doing? So, here I sit. . .reflecting.
I know what my ultimate goal is. I know what my very short term goal is. I'm learning how to accomplish those goals,
I feel like
I know what needs to be done but I am stopped in my tracks with nowhere to turn.
I can't turn left or right, go forward or back. I'm stuck.
Food has become my enemy.
I get nauseated more easily now. I have difficulty knowing what to eat that doesn't make me ill. I've said it before and will probably say it again and again, but I am not a lover of fruits and vegetables.
I'm trying to eat the ones that I do like but that gets old quickly.
And, what food items I do like, isn't the most healthy, so I have tried to limit myself to eating those food items to only once in a while.
That seems to help BUT, it's not a fail safe.
And, I'm getting the hang of exercising but even that has it's own difficulties. The "experts" say to schedule exercising as if it is an appointment, and keep that appointment. When I am accountable only to myself, those appointments are missed easily. Or I make those appointments and overdo it, thus guaranteeing future appointments will be missed.
Now, I could make a To Do: List but it would probably look like this:
and most days, I get up and think,
because if I don't have to take my Mother anywhere or go somewhere myself, I rarely change out of my jammies.
Starting this week, I have a crocheting class to attend monthly and then next week, I start a sewing class that will also be monthly. I am glad that I signed up for these classes. But I find that when the day comes, I am in a fight with myself. I have to make myself not call and make up an excuse as to why I won't be there. I know I isolate myself. I think it's because I always feel as if I have TO BE someone else when I'm out.
If I appear sad, people want to know why. I have no explanation.
If I appear mad, people want to know why. I have no explanation.
If I am quiet and withdrawn, people want to know why. I have no explanation.
The only way to prevent questions is to appear,
Then, most people don't feel the need to question; unless I'm acting like an idiot!
And besides, most people ask the "How are you?" question glibly. They rarely, if ever, want an honest answer. They expect to hear, "I'm fine", so they can continue on down their own path. Should I decide to answer differently, it seems to confuse the questioner. Ah, but to keep from any further questioning, I generally say, "I'm fine." It's only if the person questions further, do I answer with a rather general, "I'm still dealing with everything, nothing has really changed."
So, my mirror's reflection today gives me plenty over which to ponder. If I'm to reach my very short term goal, I must make exercise as an appointment which must not be canceled. I must make decent eating as a priority to keep from being ill daily. And, I must remember that holding myself accountable doesn't mean I should be easy on myself. Plus, I need to work on not keeping myself so isolated.
If I am to succeed,