Sunday, March 03, 2013
That's the title of the book I'm reading by Geneen Roth, copyright 2010. By page 8 I tapped into something core, by page 26 thoughts and beliefs are bubbling up within me like popcorn.
I think I'm going to learn a lot about myself, and my relationship to food.
In particular, why I keep sabotaging myself. I do great, get a streak going and am happy eating the foods I'm preparing, am feeling confident, the scale moves...
...then I go stay with my daughter for a week, and gradually begin to eat for comfort and stress instead of hunger and mindfulness; not that they eat unhealthy, they eat very healthy and low fat, but they are young and can afford some chocolate here, some ice cream there, which I had stopped eating those things but chose to partake, and the slippery slope becomes a fast sled ride...
... then I come home from that and it takes several days to get my head back on track. I guess I feel lonely when I come back to my own home alone and not with family and feeling needed, and instead of turning to a spiritual comfort, I turn to fatty foods and DVD series that keep me engaged and on the couch. Ouch, did I really just write that?
Its the truth that sets you free, and the discomfort and pain of facing the truth and eating for comfort instead that has kept me from my freedom. I'm not ready to write about all the issues bubbling up yet, but I'm grateful they are coming to Light, and awareness, because something inside of me isn't willing to give up. I should stop berating myself for yo-yoing and realize there's a part of me that isn't giving up and continues to endeavor to persevere for good and keeps grabbing that yo-yo endeavoring to get a grip.
And that part of me is deeply one with God. And shouting the truth with an unceasing voice, and keeping me coming back. Thank you God.