In January I was frustrated because I only lost 2 lbs. I resolved to lose 7 in February. Like most resolutions, it didn't happen. I am a tiny bit disappointed just because I am a goal-getter and I HATE falling short. But the other 97% of me is okay with it. Two pounds doesnt quite qualify the physical changes that have taken place in the past month nor the growth that i have had in perspective. I must say, the way I ate most of this month, I probably didn't deserve the two pounds. But I lived, I enjoyed myself, and I thankfully still maintained the lost that I had the first week of the month and managed not to gain while partying.
I am finally beginning to see what others are seeing. When people frantically tell me not to lose another pound, I just thank them and keep it moving. They tell me I am "perfect" at this size. My close friend told me the other day: "If you could just stop losing weight in your face, neck, chest and arms, then I am okay with you losing 20 more lbs." We laughed about it because really, if my tummy and thighs would get with the program, then I would be fine. Oh yeah, and she also told me to gain weight in my butt!
Lately I have been going through pictures to times when I really felt good about myself. Pics that previously had been my "Skinny" pics. It was jarring for me to realize how far off my self image was from reality
When I took this pic with my Aunty Marty I thought I was the HOTNESS! In retrospect, I WAS pretty cute that day!!! But before I would look at that pic and say, "if I lost 15 lbs I would be good" . Remember, that was my skinny pic and I think I was 259 lbs.
Here I am with my sister Tosha. This was at my baby shower AFTER losing 15 lbs during my pregnancy. I was 255 lbs here. I have always loooved this pic. I still do because it is me and my sissy AND my hair looks amazing! Sidenote: that is my natural haircolor, even the little gold strips. Looking back, I don't know why I ever started coloring it. But anywho, I didn't recognize the need to lose weight. So as I reflect on losing only 2 lbs, I now see the DRASTIC difference that 2 lbs here, 2 lbs there can really add up and create an entirely different person
That was Derrell and I two days ago. When I looked at the picture I thought, "is THIS what I look like?" I have been so caught up on not wanting to be 218 lbs that I forget that 218 pounds isn't the same for everyone (THANK GOD FOR MAKING ME AN AMAZON!). I dont think I would ever look at this picture and say that the woman here is Obese. I am obese. In order for me to be just "overweight" I need to weigh 199.6. I need to lose 18 pounds. Would I like to do that? Sure, why not. If I don't do that, will I be upset? Not if I can begin to accept that the woman in THAT picture is actually the woman that I have become.