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two pounds adds up

Sunday, March 03, 2013

In January I was frustrated because I only lost 2 lbs. I resolved to lose 7 in February. Like most resolutions, it didn't happen. I am a tiny bit disappointed just because I am a goal-getter and I HATE falling short. But the other 97% of me is okay with it. Two pounds doesnt quite qualify the physical changes that have taken place in the past month nor the growth that i have had in perspective. I must say, the way I ate most of this month, I probably didn't deserve the two pounds. But I lived, I enjoyed myself, and I thankfully still maintained the lost that I had the first week of the month and managed not to gain while partying.

I am finally beginning to see what others are seeing. When people frantically tell me not to lose another pound, I just thank them and keep it moving. They tell me I am "perfect" at this size. My close friend told me the other day: "If you could just stop losing weight in your face, neck, chest and arms, then I am okay with you losing 20 more lbs." We laughed about it because really, if my tummy and thighs would get with the program, then I would be fine. Oh yeah, and she also told me to gain weight in my butt! emoticon Lately I have been going through pictures to times when I really felt good about myself. Pics that previously had been my "Skinny" pics. It was jarring for me to realize how far off my self image was from reality

When I took this pic with my Aunty Marty I thought I was the HOTNESS! In retrospect, I WAS pretty cute that day!!! But before I would look at that pic and say, "if I lost 15 lbs I would be good" . Remember, that was my skinny pic and I think I was 259 lbs.

Here I am with my sister Tosha. This was at my baby shower AFTER losing 15 lbs during my pregnancy. I was 255 lbs here. I have always loooved this pic. I still do because it is me and my sissy AND my hair looks amazing! Sidenote: that is my natural haircolor, even the little gold strips. Looking back, I don't know why I ever started coloring it. But anywho, I didn't recognize the need to lose weight. So as I reflect on losing only 2 lbs, I now see the DRASTIC difference that 2 lbs here, 2 lbs there can really add up and create an entirely different person

That was Derrell and I two days ago. When I looked at the picture I thought, "is THIS what I look like?" I have been so caught up on not wanting to be 218 lbs that I forget that 218 pounds isn't the same for everyone (THANK GOD FOR MAKING ME AN AMAZON!). I dont think I would ever look at this picture and say that the woman here is Obese. I am obese. In order for me to be just "overweight" I need to weigh 199.6. I need to lose 18 pounds. Would I like to do that? Sure, why not. If I don't do that, will I be upset? Not if I can begin to accept that the woman in THAT picture is actually the woman that I have become.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You look stunning! Look at your bone structure! And your hair is perfect!
    Such a cute couple! I'm really happy for you two!
    1322 days ago
    They say that hindsight is 20/20. These pics show you just how far you've really come. You look great!
    1326 days ago
    218 NO WAY... That's all I can say.. You look no where near 218. You wear 218 well. Be Encouraged and keep up the hard work. emoticon
    1326 days ago
    Isn't it interesting how old photos can become A TIMELINE?
    I love them too.
    What you said in your blog is something I believe WE ALL DO.
    We look at an old photo and think WHAT IF. Then down the road with more experience on THIS PARTICULAR JOURNEY of self discovery we see ALL OUR GOOD POINTS...bigger or smaller.
    We also PINPOINT what we TRULY need to improve on.
    Often it is not so much a magic weight...although it does help to have a goal weight. It is more AREAS that need to be reigned in or "checked".
    I truly believe the journey is FAR MORE than lbs. on and lbs. off.
    It is one OF SELF DISCOVERY, figuring out the positive and negative, empowerment, finding out WHAT we truly want compared to what we are willing to do to get it...and many unrelated things that don't count on the scale but "weigh heavy" in al aspects of life.
    Keep up the good work.

    1326 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/5/2013 1:25:53 PM
    Your progress is truly amazing. You're such an inspiration! emoticon
    1326 days ago
    You look amazing, and you're doing a great job. I love your positive attitude, and your realization that making small changes is fine, that the "small" weight loss will add up over time and contribute to the big changes. Way to go!
    1326 days ago
  • LEMON2012
    Proud of you chick! You look "small" in your latest pic! No, your not teeny tiny but you look AMAZING! And I hope to write a very similar blog soon! Congrats lady & keep catwalking! ;)
    1327 days ago
  • THERIN52
    There is a great difference in those pictures and you should be so proud of that, I think you were beautiful in all of them and only continue to grow more stunning both inside and out. Having followed your blog for a while now, I feel that the things you have overcome and stood strong through with all the grace, kindness and love you are still able to hand out to others is simply amazing! What an inspiration!
    1327 days ago
    You are beautiful..then, now and tomorrow.
    1327 days ago
  • MISSB8604
    WOW! Girl, you have come such a long way and boy does it show! You do what makes YOU feel comfortable and never give up. We're all proud of you.
    1327 days ago
    great blog! I think we all get caught up in the number of where we want to be vs looking at the changes we have made. You look amazing and I"m glad you are finally starting to appreciate it! hugs & kisses
    1327 days ago
    1327 days ago
    I think we all get caught up in what the end goal is, that we can't see all the little milestone goals before that. You look incredible and you should be so proud of that. This recent picture of you looks incredible. Heck who wouldn't want to lose 18 more pounds, but look at what you've lost so far. That's awesome.
    1327 days ago
    I've said it before, and I'll say it again: you don't look like you weigh anywhere close to the number the scale shows. It's because you're so tall.

    Being able to see ourselves as we truly, currently are is something a lot of us battle with. You've made great progress thus far.
    1327 days ago
    great pics you look lovely congrats
    1327 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    1328 days ago
  • SUGAR0814
    You don't look like you weigh 218, you look MUCH smaller! You are doing a fantastic job on this journey. Stay focused & you will get to where you want to be! emoticon
    1328 days ago
    Man do you see your collar bones!!! High Five!!! You look amazing. And that pic of you and your sister is sssooo cute!!!

    Have a great week Nikki you are simply emoticon !!!!
    1328 days ago
    I agree that a certain weight looks different on different people. You look emoticon ! I'd say you look skinny in the most recent picture. Your collar bones are sticking out. You are beautiful and Derrell is one lucky man!!!
    1328 days ago
    I think we all get caught up in the number game and it really does take looking back at photos to really see how we looked. I have done this recently too. You do look great in the old pics but even more happy and beautiful in the new pictures too! Best wishes on where Ever the numbers lead you as long as you are happy!
    1328 days ago
    As always your blog hit're beautiful no matter what weight but it's nice to read that you're seeing just how far you've come. Those collar bones are beaming just like your fiance. I get told that butt thing i guess we got to get to squatting and stair climbing to beef it up lol
    1328 days ago
  • DONNA5281
    Thank you for sharing your blog! They are always ones that help me to not give up.
    You look amazing!
    You go girl!

    1328 days ago
  • SPARKLE1908
    You look beautiful in each picture!!! I see why people say that pictures really show you how look...and it almost never matches up to what is in our minds!!!
    1328 days ago
    Lady, you look gorgeous. And look at the way your man is grinning! He is obviously very proud of his beautiful wife-to-be. =)
    1328 days ago
  • EUEK098
    I couldn't see myself as fat even at my highest weight, it's taken the 55 I've dropped for me to realize that I was that big. I love the attitude, and look at your collar bones, amazing!!!!!!
    1328 days ago
  • PURPLE180
    Well said. I too look at old pics that were once my "skinny pics" and I am amazed at how much of a difference it is. Sometimes it is still hard for me to see the difference but looking back at old pictures (and I have found some super hot messes,m lol) really does help to put things in perspective. I agree, weight looks different on everyone, I think I have let myself get too caught up on the number on the scale to see myself for who I have really become... I so love your blogs!
    P.S. I am glad that you lived and enjoyed the month, I mean we have to do that from time to time if we don't how do we expect to maintain this lifestyle forever.
    1328 days ago
    You are a beautiful women! Thanks for sharing your thoughts and story!
    1328 days ago
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