Sunday, March 03, 2013
Okay, my boyfriend is a TERRIBLE influence! He knows I'm trying to lose weight, so he comes over and... makes monkey bread. And he craves sweets all the time, so I end up making him cookies, and sharing. And then I make bread, and, and, and "one cheat day" turns into "cooking indulgent food because I still feel the need to impress my boyfriend who practically lives with me and already knows I'm a really good cook." OOPS!
So, back on track, starting today. Life is pretty ... overwhelming right now. I'm battling depression, everything is going wrong. I don't have a running vehicle, I don't have a washing machine, I don't have the money to fix any of these things because I'm having to save every last dime to foot the bill for a lawyer. (I'm not in trouble- it's just for a custody agreement)
My sister left again- so it's just me, little clueless me who just now bought her first tool set, who is suddenly left to deal with all these repairs. I have my boyfriend and some very, very skilled friends, but no money..
It's had me scared, though. I keep getting into a bigger hole- more and more things need fixed, my ex isn't paying child support, I have no vehicle and no washing machine and can't work because I have my dad. I have no family to fall back on because my mom and my aunt died and the rest of my family doesn't have much to do with me because they don't agree with my lifestyle (I'm agnostic and bisexual, and despite the fact that I'm in a monogamous relationship with a man, I also have a child out of wedlock), and they all live hours away anyway.
I have my boyfriend who is awesome, but he doesn't live with me and aside from him, I am alone. I am scared, and I am alone. My diet and exercise is absolutely the only thing I have control over right now, I feel like, and if I don't reel my caloric intake back in, I will only end up resenting myself for it and making myself even MORE depressed.
So, here I am again. I would have posted days ago but for some reason, the "Add a Blog entry" button only likes to work about 1/3 of the time. Stop misbehaving, sparkpeople!!! Haha!