"You must do the things you think you cannot do." Eleanor Roosevelt
I just came upon this quote and feel that it truly represents the spark journey.
When I first started, I honestly did not think I could do this. There had been so many attempts before, so many broken promises to myself and others. So many moments of sadness and self hatred for not being able to 'get this thing under control'.
And yet, a little spark ignited in me when I came upon SP. And it was tiny believe me. I was just coming off a 2 week binge of pure misery. Something had triggered it and yes the 'something' was pretty stressful, but there will always be stressful and difficult times in life. As well as easy, happy times. That's just life.
I think I felt so ashamed about my weight that I decided to give it 'just one more try'. And frankly there weren't a lot of strong feelings inside of motivation or "I can do this!' In fact the first month I kept eating and just started by going back to the gym. Man was that hard... I still see me schlepping myself up the stairs to the changing room, wondering why I had picked the only gym on the area with stairs!! But they welcomed me back with open arms and lots of encouragement, so I got back on the treadmill. Slowly.......
But I continued to overeat that first month. Candy and a book were my faithful companions. Throw in a few fast food meals, add lots of sauces, cheeses and gravy to dinner and that pretty much sums up month #1. I mistakenly thought I could deal with my pain through hiding in chicklit and bonbons. (Now doesn't that statement take you back in time!)
But it just didn't work. I became even more depressed and despaired of ever getting out of feeling like this. I also felt trapped in my heavy body. Trapped! I wanted out of this heaviness, heaviness of body but also of spirit. The spirit of someone who just didn't think they could do this. I frankly didn't think I had the will and the courage to even start! The last time I lost weight, I had a coach and a trainer and once they were gone, I sabotaged the whole process. And this time I had to do it on my own.
Now before you think, wow, what a depressing blog this is... There is a positive end.
I found SP while browsing online. I decided to join and see if it would work. And, yes it's working! I am losing weight, walking more than I have in a few years, eating healthy foods, tracking, blogging, exercising to videos, journaling and best of all ENJOYING the journey!
Yes! I am having fun!
I love reading everyone's progress and stories, silently rooting them on as they conquer one challenge after the other. One thing this has brought home to me, is that we all have our struggles and we all have to learn to deal with the ups and downs of life and still have the courage to practice self care as we deal with whatever has come our way. Not a new thought of course. But it's one thing to know that fact and it's another thing to read it day after day in everyone's posts. And I've said this before, but it truly humbles me to read them.
Whenever I get the feeling that this is too hard, I just think of you guys, out there every day just like me, struggling some days, gliding through with ease on others. But sticking with it.
So, day after day, I am doing the thing that not that long ago, I thought I couldn't do. And it feels good and I am getting stronger.
One day at a time, just keep plugging. Do it, even when you don't feel like it, even when life comes with surprises, even when you think you can't. Just keep on going.
Eleanor, thank you, you were so right.