What is holding me back? Some DEEP thoughts!
Friday, March 01, 2013
I just need to say for the millionth time that I love my trainer. I was truly blessed the day that Sarah came into my life.
So I had an appointment with Sarah yesterday morning. It was supposed to be a quick half an hour strength training/interval training session. Well, we did just a lot less working out (which showed in my TNT score - sorry, Violet Venuses!) and a ton of talking things through. Sarah always asks the tough questions and can get to the root of the problem in a few easy steps. We talked a lot about what is holding me back. I have the exercise part of the equation down - I can do that (although I still need to up my strength/conditioning) - but I'm still struggling with the nutrition. While I've got a firm short-term goal, Sarah forced me to look beyond that number and to look at what overall success would look like as well as what is holding me back.
And I came up with some of the answers that I've been searching very hard for.
I am afraid of drawing attention to myself. I've always been a "behind the scenes" person. I am most comfortable as the worker bee and not the front person. If I lose a large amount of weight, people are going to notice (well, duh!) and then I can't stay under the radar. But all I'm doing is hurting myself - I am a talented and determined person who deserves some recognition for the hard work that I'm doing. All I'm doing right now is sabotaging the hard work that I'm doing at the gym with eating poorly.
I also never want to "rock the boat" or try new things. I can easily go to the gym without making waves with the important people in my life. To take control of my nutrition, I need to step outside my comfort zone with food the way that I have with exercise. I need to really learn how to cook and to experiment with food. For that to happen, I need to have a hard discussion with my mom - to explain why this is so important to me and what I need her to do to help. It's a talk that has been a long time in coming and I've just been putting off. I would love for her to go on this journey with me (I've opened the door several times), but I understand that she might not be ready.
So my homework for this week from Sarah was to come up with a 3-step action plan for going forward. It is scary to commit to something like this as I'm not sure that I'm ready and I've been having a hard time getting my head around it. But I keep coming back to Sarah's question "what is the worst that could happen?" And I see her point - there are so many things that used to scare me that I now think are no big deal (Zumba, anyone?). I need to make the decision and just do it since I know in my heart that I can't really go forward until it happens.
I'm still not there yet, but I'm working on it.