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What is holding me back? Some DEEP thoughts!

Friday, March 01, 2013

I just need to say for the millionth time that I love my trainer. I was truly blessed the day that Sarah came into my life.

So I had an appointment with Sarah yesterday morning. It was supposed to be a quick half an hour strength training/interval training session. Well, we did just a lot less working out (which showed in my TNT score - sorry, Violet Venuses!) and a ton of talking things through. Sarah always asks the tough questions and can get to the root of the problem in a few easy steps. We talked a lot about what is holding me back. I have the exercise part of the equation down - I can do that (although I still need to up my strength/conditioning) - but I'm still struggling with the nutrition. While I've got a firm short-term goal, Sarah forced me to look beyond that number and to look at what overall success would look like as well as what is holding me back.

And I came up with some of the answers that I've been searching very hard for.

I am afraid of drawing attention to myself. I've always been a "behind the scenes" person. I am most comfortable as the worker bee and not the front person. If I lose a large amount of weight, people are going to notice (well, duh!) and then I can't stay under the radar. But all I'm doing is hurting myself - I am a talented and determined person who deserves some recognition for the hard work that I'm doing. All I'm doing right now is sabotaging the hard work that I'm doing at the gym with eating poorly.

I also never want to "rock the boat" or try new things. I can easily go to the gym without making waves with the important people in my life. To take control of my nutrition, I need to step outside my comfort zone with food the way that I have with exercise. I need to really learn how to cook and to experiment with food. For that to happen, I need to have a hard discussion with my mom - to explain why this is so important to me and what I need her to do to help. It's a talk that has been a long time in coming and I've just been putting off. I would love for her to go on this journey with me (I've opened the door several times), but I understand that she might not be ready.

So my homework for this week from Sarah was to come up with a 3-step action plan for going forward. It is scary to commit to something like this as I'm not sure that I'm ready and I've been having a hard time getting my head around it. But I keep coming back to Sarah's question "what is the worst that could happen?" And I see her point - there are so many things that used to scare me that I now think are no big deal (Zumba, anyone?). I need to make the decision and just do it since I know in my heart that I can't really go forward until it happens.

I'm still not there yet, but I'm working on it.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    It's wonderful to read blogs like this. I know what it's like to be afraid of change and of being in the spotlight. A lot of times that spotlight is in your mind and isn't as big a deal as you imagined. Keep up the hard work and think about where you want to be, you're doing great! emoticon
    1668 days ago
  • RX_2_RV
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon on your breakthrough! I think the most challenging part of this journey is to make the internal changes necessary to sustain a healthy life. I think I have finally made them, or at least recognized that I need to make them, after decades of gaining and losing the same 40 pounds. It is exciting and inspiring to see others make that turn...the one that leads to success!!! GO, GO, GO! There is nothing that can stop you now, except you. emoticon

    1668 days ago
  • CHERYLA2012
    A large part of my struggle when I was finding my way was fear. A lot of "what if's" swirling around in my head. The worst thing I can do is over-think because then it just seems to be that much worse. It finally dawned on me one day when I was in tears over my inability to move forward with a decision - what I wanted more than anything in the world was to be the healthiest I could be as opposed to a number on a scale or a clothing size. And the only thing standing in my way was myself. Why? Because I was afraid. What I wanted was on the other side of fear. In order to get there, I would have to wade through it. Keep my eye on the prize. Live in the current moment - minute, hour, day... not worry about the future, not worry about the past. Simply focus. Each time I came up against something I feared I slowed down my mental clock and got through it, a little less fearful with each experience. Slowly it's become the new routine and normal.

    You will find what works for you and you will get through it.

    I wish you continued success on your journey!

    1668 days ago
    WOW - what an awesome trainer!! You WERE blessed the day she came into your life!! Your blog reminded me of a quote - 'Everything you want is right outside your comfort zone." As one who has gradually altered many of my nutrition habits in the last couple of year (I NEVER used to eat freggies!) I can tell you that it CAN be done!! If I can do it at age 65 you can DEFINITELY do it!! And you won't have to wait until you are in your sixties to reach top health and fitness!! emoticon
    1668 days ago
    1668 days ago
  • X5X52000
    1668 days ago
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