Friday, March 01, 2013
My triggers for a binge include: mourning, celebrating, boredom, a bad day at work, and grocery shopping. Every single time I take a well-meaning trip to the grocery store to buy lentils, tofu, and carrots, I always want to pick up some cookies or cake. If I'm with Mr. S, then he can talk me down from the cookie dough ledge. If I'm by myself, all bets are off. For March, I'm having Mr. S join me on all my trips to the grocery store, to help keep me in control. But I'm an adult, I shouldn't need another adult to stop me from buying junk food, right? I've been going to the grocery store by myself for the last 11 years, it shouldn't be that hard. (I will say that since 18 years old, my weight has fluctuated between 127 lb to 184 lb, I evidently have not figured out how to properly shop OR eat food.) Why do I feel so out of control when buying food? If I didn't have Mr. S, I would buy nothing but instant pleasure junk food. How do I gain that control back? I still divide food into "good" and "bad" groups. If I eat "good" food, I am miserable but healthy. If I eat "bad" food, then I am miserable and unhealthy. So I am miserable eating "good" or "bad" food? That doesn't seem right. Brain, we need to have a talk.