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Trusting myself


Friday, March 01, 2013

I'm going through a bit of a struggle the last couple of days. I've increased the intensity of my exercise program pretty dramatically in the past ten days or so (mostly by adding some running) and done quite well with duration too. (Also a change from the week previous to that when I wasn't feeling well.) As a result, for the first time in a while I'm not only getting fitter but I'm also getting HUNGRIER. And I'm finding that a little bit disconcerting.

It's easy to tell people that when they increase their exercise they should increase their food intake as well. It's easy to believe all the evidence and common sense that says it's the right thing to do. It's pretty easy to actually do it, for that matter. But conquering the fear that comes with it, that "relaxing" that little bit and eating larger portions could cause the whole shaky edifice to come crashing down? That part's not so easy. Especially given that I don't track food. It makes everything more of a guessing game, an exercise in pure faith in my own capabilities -- that I can judge things correctly, and that if I do get it wrong, I'll be able to adjust.

I'm not so used to trusting myself like that. It's not comfortable.

I have to keep reminding myself that this is not about losing weight, that the falling numbers on the scale are not the point of the matter, only a nice reward. I have no real goals in this, just some lifestyle guidelines. I don't think that concrete goals would be helpful to me in the long run. Here are my guidelines, though:

-- Eat reasonable portions of mostly good food. Nothing's forbidden, but things like cookies and muffins and potato chips don't fit into the lifestyle that I envision on a routine basis, only as rare exceptions. Having a pancake for breakfast or a slice of pizza for dinner on any given day on the other hand -- perfectly cool!
-- Exercise every day unless there's a reason not to, and go for duration as much as possible.

I'm doing both those things, so why worry? And yet I do. Unlike many here I didn't go into this really expecting to lose much weight at all. And yet I have, and it's so seductive, and it's wedging its way into my consciousness more and more as something I want as an end in itself, and that's adding unnecessary fear to necessary steps such as testing out eating more under the circumstances I now find myself in. My inner child needs a hug and my inner teenager needs a kick in the pants, and it's kind of hard to do both of those things to yourself at the same time, isn't it?

Eh. I'm done worrying for today, it'll be fine.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
RONDLEW 3/3/2013 10:48PM

    Keep at it. You may find more tools on sparkpeople that will help. I really like using the nutrition tracker. I was SO surprised how things added up, or didn't add up!

But one day at a time. Enjoy the journey too.


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BLUEICES9 3/1/2013 10:05PM

  you can do it ,hang in there

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KIMBERLY19732 3/1/2013 11:00AM

    emoticon

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ILOVEFOOD590 3/1/2013 10:22AM

    Don't worry! You've come a very long way. Keep up the good work and listen to your body.

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