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High amplitude swings in self esteem

Friday, March 01, 2013

Figured THAT title would pull a few folks in. I pulled it, in fact, from a phrase the weatherman used back when I lived in New York State one year when we were under an icy freeze one day, then melt-induced flooding the next, rinse and repeat. He reference that as a "high amplitude weather pattern", wild swings in temperatures.

This week has my philosophical side stepping back and watching the variation in my image of myself as things change around me and as I respond wisely or unwisely. As I recognize the things I can control and the things I cannot control. And as I mentally, sanely process the factors, and re-discover what I really, really want, and keep working toward it.

Eat badly? Beat up on yourself? Or nurture yourself? Get anxious that you can't please everyone? Eat over it? Or step back and reason it through?

People pleasing is a habit from childhood, when one's survival depended on it. Even in adulthood, one has to practice a certain level of social / professional conduct for survival. It is a skill. A very necessary one. What gets out of hand is when one feels crushed by not being able to make everyone happy... i.e. when people pleasing and Polly Perfectionist start sitting in the same room and giving your self-image a going over!

So... here's to a balanced practice of people pleasing... yes, striving for excellence... yes, recognizing the position I am in... and communicating honestly with those who need to hear the message: i.e. speaking the truth to power? Ladies and Gentlemen, whatever you expect, this is what in my professional opinion you can get.

Life is good. And it continues. Spark on! emoticon
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LILPAT3 3/4/2013 1:38PM

    Everything, I mean EVERYTHING, must be in moderation.

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WATERMELLEN 3/3/2013 4:52PM

    If fat is a feminist issue, so too is people-pleasing (I think) disproportionately socialized in women.

We gotta eat -- but not to excess.

We gotta people please -- it IS an essential skill -- but not to excess.

And we can't eat to excess to console ourselves for failing to people please perfectly!!

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ANDI571 3/2/2013 3:59PM

    People pleasing. Everytime you talk on that subject I hear you loud and clear. I can say I do much better with saying no, but can't always get the guilt that follows to stay away. Thanks again for such wisdom.

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_LINDA 3/2/2013 1:09AM

    Another very thoughtful blog. May you be able to reign in PP and think of pleasing yourself, by doing a job you know is good and can live with, no matter what anyone else may say or think. Its your opinion that matters!
Hope you can have a restful, re energizing weekend!

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PATRICIAAK 3/1/2013 11:47PM

    Love others AS yourself. This blog reminded me of how Biblical and necessary to love yourself/

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CASEYTALK 3/1/2013 11:15PM

    Balance in all things.


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-SHOREIDO- 3/1/2013 8:49PM

    emoticon I'm worried and wondering what's behind all this. Spring fever?winter blah,blah? Left over "flu blues" ?
Keep it coming because I know this is just the tip of the iceberg of your flowing wisdom.
Have a great week-end emoticon



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SLENDERELLA61 3/1/2013 8:03PM

    Yeah, great title. "Amplitude swings"captures something I suspect many of us who have battled obesity have experienced in regard to self esteem.

That philosophical observer side of you sounds very mature and very helpful. Perhaps I should try to find that side in me. People pleasing as a skill - essential especially for the child - I'd never thought of it that way, but yes, you are right.

What a great, respectful, self-respectful statement when in the midst of an impossible situation, a statement to power: "Ladies and Gentlemen, whatever you expect, this is what in my professional opinion you can get." Much better way to handle it than resorting to tears, resignation, or eating -- all of which I have done.

Another brillliant blog, Barb, with lots to think about. Wishing your difficult situation resolves.

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MIZCATHI 3/1/2013 3:15PM

    In the end, I have found that "truth" is not as important as being an authentic person who treats everyone with respect and dignity. Truth is in there somewhere, but can be spoken with sublime messages of action and kindness. Cat

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KALIGIRL 3/1/2013 1:27PM

    Not a people pleaser by nature, so can't relate to your struggle, but can (I think) understand it. We all have drivers, mine just happens to be internal. Internal or external - drivers can 'get out of control' - Here's to Balance!

Life indeed is GOOD - here's to LIVING it!
Lechaim.

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DLDMIL 3/1/2013 11:36AM

    Thank you for another great blog. You are doing an awesome job, keep up the great work mentally and physically. Spark on. Have a great weekend and hopefully the weather will cooperate for you to run outside in the sunshine.

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OVERWORKEDJANET 3/1/2013 11:10AM

    Hooray for people like us who share our "insides" and insights.

I swear it's the end-of-winter blues for me. I'm ready to cry one minute and all gung ho the next. I've recognized this and manage to take some kind of vacation, even a weekend, that involves bringing sunshine in some form to my life...even artifiical will do!
Here's to getting back, staying on or even walking next to track! emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 3/1/2013 10:03AM

    Perfectionism . . . a progress killer! Excellent blog.

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MEXGAL1 3/1/2013 9:50AM

    finding balance is so important. A lesson I must continue to revisit.
Thanks for sharing.
Have a terrific day!
Sallie

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DEBRITA01 3/1/2013 9:05AM

    It can be hard to find the balance when those self-esteem swings start...taming the old self-messages and behaviors that rear their ugly heads in times of stress, conflict, or change when Polly and PP come out to play. We just have to take it a day (or minute) at a time while doing the best we can with the given situation. Better days are ahead... emoticon

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HEALTHY4ME 3/1/2013 8:06AM

    PP is here too but I took a lonnnnng time to recognize her even though hubby and councelor said oh she is here. LOL But I don't find I have a problme with it cos dont see perfectionism as others do.

Hope you have a great friday and weekend!
HUGS

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MSLZZY 3/1/2013 7:50AM

    PP can go outside and play in the snow.Then I won't hear what she has to say LOL!

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MAGGIE101857 3/1/2013 7:28AM

    Some days I want to kick Polly Perfectionist to the curb! But then I feel bad and let her stay; and the vicious circle continues!! I'm still working on trying to find the balance; speaking the truth can be tricky, especially when the ones you are addressing don't want to hear it!

But yes, LIFE IS GOOD!!!

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1935MARY 3/1/2013 7:07AM

    Awesome! Gives me something to think about. All my life I have put everyone above me and tried to please everyone, except myself. Now I think about myself too. Have a great day.

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ELRIDDICK 3/1/2013 7:05AM

  Thanks for sharing

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