Well, normal days since October have been days where tears have flowed readily, often, and enough to fill a river. Today was one day that wasn't normal. Today was a day that I have shed no tears, at least not yet and it is 10:15pm.
No tears? does that mean that I don't miss Edward? Does that mean that I am forgetting? No, it doesn't mean those things. maybe it means that I am adjusting to being without him. maybe it means that I am running out of tears. I have certainly ried enough to run out. Maybe it means that I am just too tired to cry today.
Now, some might wonder if I feel guilty for not crying. No, I don't. The tears are painful and I don't feel guilty for not feeling pain. I have thought about this and wondered why I don't feel guilty and I can't esplain it. It just is, or isn't in the guilt realm.
I didn't even cry when I sent a condolonce letter to a widow whose husband had served on the same ship that my husband served on so many years ago. I have written a lot of condolence cards and letters since Octber when Ed died and today's was the first that didn't bring tears.
So, today wasn't a normal day, so to speak, but maybe I will have enough of these abnormal days that they will become the normal ones.
As Jimmy Buffett says, "Breathe in, breathe out, move on. As God says, " For every thing there is a season..." Maybe, as spring approaches my season of tears is diminishing.