Thursday, February 28, 2013
Today is my 60th day of my real anniversary for SP. I signed up in October, but didn't do anything about it until December. It feels good.
I am nervous about the rest of today and tomorrow. First, I have a work event later tonight, and may not get to the gym before it closes. Plus I presented for a class today and taught class and my back is killing me. I also have the messiest kitchen, so bad that I didn't make breakfast this morning, I just couldn't stand being in there. I know it's probably not that bad, but without having the time to pick it up and do something with the dirty dishes, I just couldn't be in there. And tomorrow my colleagues and I are leaving early for a function at another school, which means I have to pre-plan my snacks, and breakfast, and then of course, my parents take me up on my offer to come visit (which I desperately need) so my messy kitchen has become more stressful than it was earlier today.
It would be a perfect storm for me to throw up my hands and say it's too much. It would make sense for me to stop by some drive-thru after my work event tonight. But I'm trying so hard to not think that way!
Here's my plan. First, if my parents come to visit, they will understand dirty dishes every where and still be proud of my progress...they haven't seen me since I really started to lose weight. Second, If I can't make it to the gym tonight, I can still get in five days of work outs by going Friday and Saturday. It's not what I was hoping for, and disappointing if that happens, but would give me some extra time tonight to prep food for tomorrow and ice my back.
Thinking through these decisions and my approach to them is really helpful. I'm not sure it helps anyone else, but it helps me.
Speaking of helping me, I worked with a colleague to give a presentation today and she brought easter chocolates to give out to the audience. After the presentation was done, there were lots of leftovers. I may have sat in front of the bag and smelled the reese's peanut butter cups, smelled them deeply and repeatedly, but I did not give in and have any chocolate or candy. It smelled amazing, but other than the fact that it was convenient, I didn't want the candy. But everyone else was enjoying them and it felt as if I should be having some as well. I really hope no one around me feels like they should be refraining from these foods as well. I wonder about that sometimes. Do I make people feel bad because I have been so committed? Or maybe they think I should be committed? :) I understand that every body is different and many of my colleagues have totally different relationships with food than I have. I don't know when to stop, and when I start to heal my emotions with food, I just can't stop.
That's been my day. Celebrating my own little anniversary, proud of my progress so far and looking into the future to see what could be down the road. I'm excited. I might still struggle with my depression, my pain and my self-doubt, but the optimistic side of me is coming through more often and staying around for longer periods of time. That is a huge step forward for me!
I hope you are all having a great Thursday!