Thursday, February 28, 2013
I'm so tired. I'm getting enough sleep, but when I'm awake my mind and emotions go into overdrive...
I think my husband and I are heading towards divorce. He has been incredibly unhappy since we've been home and every day he says he's just going to move back to Peru. I asked him if he could really just leave me and his 10 month old like that and his response was "Right now, I think I can." He keeps telling me how much better his life would be if he went back, but that he feels trapped here. But then he tells me that he's just depressed because we just left and he'll be better in a few weeks. He still wants to look for a house (we settle on our current house next week) and plan our future together. He also still wants to cuddle in bed which makes me even more confused. I know he's just trying ot keep me amiable by doing that, but at this point it's hard to be amiable when your partner is telling you you're not worth sticking around for. I KNOW I'm worth it. That's why this is so frustrating. I AM WORTH FIGHT FOR, but he apparently doesn't see or appreciate my worth. All he's focused on right now is how much he misses his family in Peru.
Something very critical is going to have to happen in the next few days. Lifechanging decisions will have to be made and executed. Either he starts appreciating what he has here in the STates or he leaves and never hears frmo us again. Those are the only options for him at this point. We'll see how things develop.
I'm not looking for pity by posting this blog. I'm merely using it as s vehicle to get my rage and frustration out. Thanks for letting me rant.