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It Gets Worse

Thursday, February 28, 2013

I'm so tired. I'm getting enough sleep, but when I'm awake my mind and emotions go into overdrive...

I think my husband and I are heading towards divorce. He has been incredibly unhappy since we've been home and every day he says he's just going to move back to Peru. I asked him if he could really just leave me and his 10 month old like that and his response was "Right now, I think I can." He keeps telling me how much better his life would be if he went back, but that he feels trapped here. But then he tells me that he's just depressed because we just left and he'll be better in a few weeks. He still wants to look for a house (we settle on our current house next week) and plan our future together. He also still wants to cuddle in bed which makes me even more confused. I know he's just trying ot keep me amiable by doing that, but at this point it's hard to be amiable when your partner is telling you you're not worth sticking around for. I KNOW I'm worth it. That's why this is so frustrating. I AM WORTH FIGHT FOR, but he apparently doesn't see or appreciate my worth. All he's focused on right now is how much he misses his family in Peru.

Something very critical is going to have to happen in the next few days. Lifechanging decisions will have to be made and executed. Either he starts appreciating what he has here in the STates or he leaves and never hears frmo us again. Those are the only options for him at this point. We'll see how things develop.

I'm not looking for pity by posting this blog. I'm merely using it as s vehicle to get my rage and frustration out. Thanks for letting me rant.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    This is a tough situation to go through. Would he go to counseling to try and work through things?
    1842 days ago
    So sorry that you are going through this rough spot. I am so glad to hear you say you are worth fighting for. You are right. Your family is worth fighting for. emoticon
    1842 days ago
  • DEBBY4576
    Perhaps it is depression at being away not only from home, but from his homeland. I wonder if a mild antidepressant wouldn't help for the time being. It's not you, it's his extreme sadness that he can't control. At least you are talking!!! How exhausting a situation though for you. Maybe you need a few pills to deal with it too haha.
    1845 days ago
    I'm sorry you feel like that but you need to have compassion for him too in this, he has left his family and country. Have you considered moving with him back to Peru? Why does he have to choose one or the other? I encourage you both to have a very honest conversation about what you are willing to do to be together, it's unfair in any relationship to have the "my way or the highway" attitude. Life, especially with someone from another country is about compromises. I think when he says he wants to move to move back home, it's not to get away from you. Have you ever discussed the options? Plus, remember he's a guy heck, they don't always express their feelings in a way we understand; when they are sad they get snippy, when they are homesick they get grumpy...often times their coping instinct to emotions are action based.
    My DH is from Ghana and I knew going in to this relationship that if I wanted to have a life time with this person I would need to accept that he has every right to ask me to move back to his country because it is part of him and will always be his home where his history is and family are from. We have had to have very open conversations over the last 10 years and I have had to be very honest with myself and him as to what I can and can not do. Its scary to think of leaving your home and country to be with the person you love but they have.
    Good luck and keep communicating with each other.
    1845 days ago
    I am so sorry you are going through such a rough time right now. No wonder you are emotionally exhausted. Amid all this, please don't forget to take care of yourself too. My heart goes out to you in this difficult situation. emoticon
    1845 days ago
    Can totally understand why you are tired - what a lot to think about - worry about! Not going to say much - as it seems you know what you need to do - but just wanted to send a virtual hug and hope that things work out!

    Hope your day gets better!
    1845 days ago
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