Thursday, February 28, 2013
February and I have not been very good friends this year. I started out the month ok. Even Valentines Day wasn't horrible. But the winter blues kicked in something fierce these past 2 weeks and I was in such a down hill spiral.
Even being aware of what was happening didn't helped. I tried all the good self talk. I came on to Spark and read some wonderful blogs. - Heck I even bought a new car (not that I believe in retail therapy, but I was desperate). I was so grasping at anything that could pull me out from under that black cloud that was over me. Anyway, I am not going to dwell on it, but just a couple days of medication have really helped. And I spent all day last Saturday out in my garden. Today I finally feel like I can face the world and see what the damage has been.
My nurse practitioner retired this year and she was a personal friend as well as someone who understands depression- having lived through it herself for many years. She told me that she would feel like a big huge black veil would be laid over her for months at a time and it would take a lot of light therapy and medication to help her come out of the fog. Thank goodness I recognized what she was talking about. It is not a fun place to be, and not a healthy place to live.
So I hopped on the scale this morning and I am up 3 pounds. 3 pounds is ok. I won't beat myself up over 3 pounds. And I haven't undone all of my hard work except for the weight lifting. It has been 3 weeks since I lifted any weights, so I will have to go back down to 5 pounds again. I have kept up my walking, but not at the pace that I was going. I think I averaged 6000 steps a day. So I plan to pick up that pace again and get my strut back on.
Now I have a few days to pull myself back together and catch up on my Spark friends. I hope you all are doing great.