So I went to the Dr and I told her that I self-diagnosed Binge Eating Disorder. I said that from all I've read, I have every symptom. And she said that there really isn't a pill for it, that it's mostly stress related so she gave me a referral to a counselor. She said that they would be able to tell if changing my anti-depressant would help, but that she also said that I probably really need someone to talk to.
But just talking with her, we think we may have hit on what triggered it: I said that I'd lost 19 pounds but recently I've just been over-stuffing myself, to the point of nearly making myself sick and then sending me into a downward spiral of feeling bad because I ate so I feel worse so I eat (SOS). And then it hit me...I came back up here to help my mom, basically be her care giver. Well, she's really improved (even tho she still can't live alone) but she's improved enough that I really feel like I'm not needed any more. Then top all of that off with the situation with my kids, and foreclosure, and the front bumper's falling off of my car, and my car's engine is making a strange noise, and now my dog is acting like he's on his last legs...so basically a ton of stress.
I'd been handling everything really well until the trigger of feeling like I'm not needed which set me off thinking about my kids (my sister's seen my daughter and my daughter's called my mom--which is GOOD but I guess it just made me realize how desperately I miss her & need her to be in my life).
And talking with my friends helps a little but I'm sure that they're sick of hearing about it..."suck it up", "get over it", etc.
However, I did bring up that the LAST time I talked with a professional (psychiatrist) look what it got me: I lost my kids, my family stopped speaking to me, I lost my savings, and I'm losing my house...all because I listened to the one person whose advice I should NOT have followed.
and I fell for a con artist
Writing helps...I should start another journal--since I can't find my old one (prob still in MO).
So let me end with, I love you M and I truly appreciate your friendship.
and I love Jen (who is also here) in addition to my soul sisters who aren't reading this.
OK, so I always reread what I post to check for grammatical errors, and now I'm crying...