Thursday, February 28, 2013
Humph...who would have thought that once again I would be writing a starting over entry.
Whirlwind. That seems to be how life is and I have always used that as an excuse not to be working on my weightloss, health, and wellness. The odd thing is....life will always have some kind of craziness in it. Life will never just be simple and perfect, as much as I would desperately like it to be.
That is where the journey part comes in. Learning to live healthy and be healthy isn't an overnight thing. We take small steps...sometimes in the wrong direction....to relearn lessons that we thought we knew.
I suppose it isn't that I didn't learn it the first two times..but rather I reverted back to old behavior because it was comfortable....and comfort was what I wanted more than health.
Truth is that what is comfortable hasn't really worked in the past. Why I run back to it makes no sense in the world.
It is much like when I continued to run after my dad...seeking his approval...searching for his love and acceptance.
The only difference is that food will always approve and accept...the outcome is the same...brokenness...in some form or fashion.
I find it interesting how I always "need" someone or something else's approval and am willing to make myself miserable to get it full knowing that getting it means not being happy. However, when I do something to make myself happy I find guilt and misery and give up...knowing if I will hold on and work through the issue happiness will be mine.
I suppose the part of the journey that hurts so badly is letting go of what isn't and will never be. Letting go of the pain. Letting go of the comfortable things. Learning to grow and share and realize that pain happens to everyone. Everyone doesn't always deal with it like I do but pain, emotionally, is almost inevitable in this life to some degree.
I guess for me, the next step, is starting where I left off and realizing that I am not alone in that part of the journey.