Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Today I woke up late. I'd like to say this morning, but it was afternoon when I woke up. My sleep was disturbed. I remember waking up several times during the night. Something haunted me all day long about my dreams but I could not put a finger on it! I kept busy and didn't take time to think about much other than my college course and my dog who kept nudging my arm to give him some petting time. I started my SparkCoach program just after lunch. Yet there was something just on the edge of my mind that I just couldn't grasp.
During my gym time tonight with my niece Sarah, I didn't want to chit chat like we normally do, I just wanted some reflective walking time. And then my mind went loose! I thought about my child hood, the years of abuse, my first marriage, the death of my father and my grandmother, the death of my step father, my rough marriage to my current husband, my trips to the psychiatric hospitals, the devastation at being discharged from the Navy because of my depression, more psychiatric hospitalizations, arguments with my sister(s), my step-children's anger at my attempt to leave my husband (their father), So much to think about you would have thought I was having another depressive breakdown, but no...
All at once I realized what was happening! I could see that it was a soul cleansing. With each step as it hit the treadmill, one of the ugly scales of depression fell away, one at a time until I was brand new again. My outer shell was falling away making way for the new me! THE NEW ME!
I felt so energized by the end of my walk! All of the things I have been trying to learn here at spark people suddenly made sense. There wasn't just a bunch of random puzzle pieces but the pieces fit together! The picture was a picture of ME, healthy and at my goal weight! It was amazing!
My blessed niece, with a great big smile, reached over and tapped my arm and pointed at the monitors of the treadmill. I hadn't even noticed that I had walked over 3 miles! I was feeling great!
The most cherished parts about the whole day is not the cleansed feeling or the triumph of reaching a goal way before it's due date. Most of all....it was the quiet understanding in my nieces eyes like she knew just what had happened in that walk and that she was proud!
I don't think I have felt this alive in so many years! That was/is a WhooHoo! moment!