Wednesday, February 27, 2013
This is the beginning of my weight loss journey. Like every other diet I've started and failed, the words "weight loss journey" seem hollow and meaningless. I've lost a hundred pounds before just to blindly march right back up the scale to my full hefty glory. My husband no longer believes in my commitment to lose weight. He takes my failure to do so as a mark that I don't respect or care for his desires. Of course, my lack of weight loss has nothing to do with my feelings about my husband. Moreover, today's new beginning has nothing to do with my weight loss failures in the past. We can't really start each day with a new slate, but we can give ourselves permission to move forward instead of whirling in a circular tidal pool indefinitely. Today, I'm moving forward.
I've had reasons to lose weight in the past: to gain confidence, keep the spouse interested, be healthy, etc. However, I feel like those goals were just to abstract for me. After all, I'm fairly confident in every other endeavor in my life, my spouse should love me despite my human failings, and what exactly is the finish line to 'being healthy'?
My reasons today are clearer:
First, I had my first child in September 2012. It was a rough pregnancy. I had gestational diabetes, and I herniated two discs in my back, which landed me on long term disability. I need to lose weight and gain flexibility to be able to live normally. There's no better motivation that seeing your mobility influenced.
Second, I love being a parent, and I would like to put myself in a place where I would feel physically comfortable getting pregnant again. That means getting to a healthy weight and having a decent flexibility. I really had no idea how important flexibility was going to be when it came to being pregnant.
Third, I love my family. My son brings so much joy to my life, and I want to make sure that I can return the favor with my time, ability, and energy. I also feel like I owe it to my son to work hard at my marriage. My weight makes my husband unhappy. There are things about my husband that can make me unhappy, too. I'm going to commit to getting my weight under control to strengthen the bond between my husband and myself. Who knows... perhaps in doing so, I'll motivate him to tackle his own shortcomings.
To reach these long term outcomes, I've got my daily agenda:
- Eat no more than 30g of carbs
- Get at least 80g of protein
- Drink 8 glasses of water
- Exercise for no less than 30 minutes