Here is the thing. I am scripturally minded and self love has some negative biblical connotations such as:
But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God—
2 Timothy 1-4
In this the lovers of themselves and the conceited part make me shy away from certain affirmations. If I love someone else well, it means that I am willing to put their needs in front of my own. If I am a "lover of self" in the negative way spoken about in this blurb, it means I will put my wants/needs in front of others. What I would like to grasp (and I can't quite seem to) is how to serve and love others, placing theirs needs in front of my own at the same time I consider myself of worth/value.
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Philipians 2:3
This is another verse that comes to mind as I think about this. I think in times past, if women had issue with their appearance they did what they could to improve it-but I don't think the push was for self affirmation as much as a redirection to things more important, ie. spirituality, serving others, inner beauty etc.
At the begining of my weight loss I was feeling okay with my inner self. I was okay regarding my outer self in that I was maintaining weight and not gaining. Someone said something to me that hurt me, may have been true and has motivated me to lose the past 14 lbs and whatever else I lose. It has caused me to become more insecure, more self critical, in essence to feel much worse about how I look-even though I am losing. I have not gained back my approval for my appearance and in addition the little confidence I had has been affected dramatically. My focus has been more and more on the outer and I struggle to balance that with the inner. But...saying that-I believe that the inner is where the balance comes from. I believe my worth is in the fact that God created me, on purpose-to affect others lives for good. I believe my beauty first and foremost must be in that I am living the life I am meant to live and doing the things I was made to do, ie. writing, playing violin, counseling people in an unplanned pregnancy, nursing, teaching. Where does self love come in? I truly struggle with this-because of the scripture and because of what I see as misplaced attention. Self-hatred, negative self talk, and negative self perception seem equally unholy-but I somehow come up with less scripture right now regarding those. I will post on this in the future and deep down I know, that God who made me, would kinda like if I thought his work was good.
I don't think he would be offended if I thought his creation of me was as valuable/beautiful as the creation I appreciate in all of you and the world around me. For those of you who aren't interested in God/spiritual, thanks for reading this-I'm surprised you stuck around this long. Please don't post negatively as this is a vulnerable post. For those of you who are interested in God/spiritual, I hope someone can relate. Feel free to pray, post, or tell me how you have worked through this balance issue. Thanks all!