Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Urgh. What a few days!
Very basically, it's been going back to college after the half term holidays, more changes to my benefits (meaning I now have to pay a significant amount of money I didn't have to before, without getting any more money in), and my athsma inhaler has gone missing. I have no idea what I've been eating/drinking and haven't done a fit-test or weighed myself in a couple of weeks, but I'm pretty darned sure I've gone up again. Oh, and the date for the Vienna trip with the college is looming, and costing me more and more and more money. Oh, and a collegue has just told me he loves me.
Anyways, let's start with sleep. I had a couple of cups of coffee yesterday (one morning, one evening) having realized that it honestly doesn't do anything to disrupt my sleep, though it messes with me if I have too much of it whilst awake. However, since I lost my inhaler on Friday, my breathing has been getting worse and worse and the cough has been back in force, meaning I slept SO badly last night! Sleep cycle thinks I had a passable night (68%) and I slept for about 7:30 hours, but I remember waking up at least 4 times coughing and unable to catch my breath, so SC is clearly high as a fricking kite! This morning it got so bad I was literally on my forehead and knee's unable to breath and on the verge of passing out, and I had this horrible realization that if I did pass out or get worse, I couldn't even call an ambulence, and there would be no one to find me; the first anyone would know anything was wrong would be when I didn't come and collect Jr from school, five hours later. Assuming it takes another hour for someone to raise the alarm....yeah, a scary thought. But I have another inhaler now, so I'm fine, just shaken.
Then as I'm filling the prescription and catching my breath, a collegue/friend tells me his girlfriend has left him for another woman (and BTW; I HATE bisexuals who cheat more than anyone else because they give the rest of us a bad name! Both lesbian women and straight men are reluctant to date me 'cause I'm bisexual, so OBVIOUSLY I must be a cheat, right? RIGHT?!) and that he's in love with me and wants to date me. I remind him that sadly I have a boyfriend, and that even if I didn't he's way too young for me (he's 19; I don't tend to date under 35's) and he's been sobbing on my phone about how much his life sucks ever since. I don't mind being an agony aunt, but he's basically telling me that he wants me to fix his life and beleives I can do this; all I have to do is cheat on/break up with MY boyfriend to do it!
Money, I'm not even gonna go into...it's everything and nothing really. I've got a lot of debts going out and seem to keep piling on more and more somehow even though I'm honestly trying really hard not to. I owe one person £70 someone else £20 someone else £110 someone else nearly £1k....the list doesn't seem to end! And since I don't tend to borrow money, don't have a credit card, never go on holiday and never use credit, it's frustrating that I have been sucked into the "buy now, spend later" culture I abhor.
My health, I'm not sure about. Between tummy bugs, illness, lack of money and time, and extreme stress I've basically been eating rubbish, but not very much of it. Lots of cheese on toast, energy drinks and chococlate peanut spread, lol. More sugar than I'd be happy with, certainly. I'm getting back on track, but between no money and no time.....
And finally, school. One teacher is being awesome. Another is being a t!t. I still have a crush on a third. Oh, and I've just been publically diagnosed a suicide risk. *Thumbs up to my psyche teacher* Thanks for that! And the homework...oh gods! The homework! So many assignments! So little time!
So, yeah...cower-in-a-corner mode activated! But I'm doing better. At least, I'm here....