320 - getting back to business...
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Well, the last few weeks have been trying, to say the least. Thank you everyone for your words of support, I really appreciate it! Going for ultrasounds and sitting next to women with swollen bellies, watching women come out of the OB with smiles on their faces...it wasn't easy. Knowing I was there to confirm another loss while others were probably watching their baby move, finding out the sex, etc., it's a horrible feeling. Getting poked every few days to make sure your baby is definitely not sticking is an experience I was hoping I would only have to go through once. But this time was easier than last time - there was no naivete this time. I wonder what it would be like to get a positive pregnancy test and just breeze through those next 8 months without a care in the world? That'll never happen to me. But if there's a baby at the end, that's all that matters. In the meantime I just need to stay focused and be happy for other women who get pregnant, because their success is not my failure!
I got a lot of results back from my Naturopath. I don't know why, but my body is in overdrive. My epinephrine/norepinephrine levels were through the roof...in other words, a regular day for me puts my body in a state of fight or flight, like I'm being chased by a lion every minute of the day. My cortisol levels are out of control. She said I'm basically in Stage 2 out of 3 of adrenal burnout. All of the fertility-related tests came back normal, which was really interesting. I'm doing all of this to get pregnant and have a baby and what my naturopath is now telling me is that she doesn't believe I have a fertility problem. She believes my body is just so out of control that I can't possibly stay pregnant. In other words, my fertility issues are secondary and if we can get my body healthy, I should have no trouble staying pregnant.
The strange thing is I'm so much happier these days without school, having my dream job, a wonderful husband, my own home, a family who loves and supports me, everyone in my life is healthy...I have a great life. So I'm not sure why my body is so out of whack when it doesn't feel that way anymore. Who knows, maybe the results would have been even worse had they been checked before graduating and starting a job!
My Naturopath really, really, really wants me doing the South Beach diet. It's always worked for me and I've been seriously dragging my feet. But the doctor knows best, right?
I'm still using my FitBit and I love it. I've been very unfocused in the last few weeks. Heck, I'm going through a painful time in my life...I lost focus and I'm not going to beat myself up about it, lol...just gotta get back to it!