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    EDDYMEESE   11,219
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320 - getting back to business...

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Well, the last few weeks have been trying, to say the least. Thank you everyone for your words of support, I really appreciate it! Going for ultrasounds and sitting next to women with swollen bellies, watching women come out of the OB with smiles on their faces...it wasn't easy. Knowing I was there to confirm another loss while others were probably watching their baby move, finding out the sex, etc., it's a horrible feeling. Getting poked every few days to make sure your baby is definitely not sticking is an experience I was hoping I would only have to go through once. But this time was easier than last time - there was no naivete this time. I wonder what it would be like to get a positive pregnancy test and just breeze through those next 8 months without a care in the world? That'll never happen to me. But if there's a baby at the end, that's all that matters. In the meantime I just need to stay focused and be happy for other women who get pregnant, because their success is not my failure!

I got a lot of results back from my Naturopath. I don't know why, but my body is in overdrive. My epinephrine/norepinephrine levels were through the roof...in other words, a regular day for me puts my body in a state of fight or flight, like I'm being chased by a lion every minute of the day. My cortisol levels are out of control. She said I'm basically in Stage 2 out of 3 of adrenal burnout. All of the fertility-related tests came back normal, which was really interesting. I'm doing all of this to get pregnant and have a baby and what my naturopath is now telling me is that she doesn't believe I have a fertility problem. She believes my body is just so out of control that I can't possibly stay pregnant. In other words, my fertility issues are secondary and if we can get my body healthy, I should have no trouble staying pregnant.

The strange thing is I'm so much happier these days without school, having my dream job, a wonderful husband, my own home, a family who loves and supports me, everyone in my life is healthy...I have a great life. So I'm not sure why my body is so out of whack when it doesn't feel that way anymore. Who knows, maybe the results would have been even worse had they been checked before graduating and starting a job!

My Naturopath really, really, really wants me doing the South Beach diet. It's always worked for me and I've been seriously dragging my feet. But the doctor knows best, right?

I'm still using my FitBit and I love it. I've been very unfocused in the last few weeks. Heck, I'm going through a painful time in my life...I lost focus and I'm not going to beat myself up about it, lol...just gotta get back to it!
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CONFUSEDBIRD 2/28/2013 9:35AM

    Do you think running could help burn off some of the adrenaline? Since it normally puts your body in the fight or flight state while doing the act? I donno just an idea. Doctors are just people too with opinions on diets. Do what you gotta do to feel good if it works for you. Someone I know her doctor had crazy guidelines for when she was pregnant, no tap water, no peanut butter. We all gotta look at what our doctors say and give it our own 2nd opinion.

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MORTICIAADDAMS 2/27/2013 3:30PM

    I can completely relate to this. Anything to do with science in college is extremely stressful. All the classes require books that weigh 500 pounds and classes with labs that you only get partial credit for. Most other majors have classes that average 3 days a week for an hour each time and get 3 credit hours. In science you have a class 3 days a week plus you have 2 days of labs which are always for multiple hours but you don't get close to credit for the hours put in. So you end up with twice as much work as someone who majors in English Lit. Let's face it, English majors can graduate in 4 years but science majors rarely do it these days. My son did by taking 21 credit hours and going to school year round. Lots of memory work. Hard tests. And you feel pressed to get everything right because someone's life may depend on it. Perfection is expected. So you have very little sleep, constant pressure, little personal time, a funky diet, no exercise....................and your body basically says............good grief, this sucks and isn't working for me. Once you are wired for 220 your body doesn't go back to 110 easily.

I haven't worked since 1993 and still have to tell myself that most stuff does not have to be done STAT or perfectly. The police won't be here to arrest me if the dishes aren't done. But I still feel freaked sometimes just like I felt when I was working as a coronary nurse, intensive care nurse, trauma nurse. Sometimes I was the only R.N with 8 people on ventilators. So not being able to get supper done on time is total nothing. An irrational response but it's primed into my psyche. It's crazy.

Give yourself a little time to get used to your calmer life and remind yourself that you don't want to turn getting pregnant and staying that way to be your new stressor. You need to do things like visualization, meditation, yoga. Even sitting in a swing and swinging helps. Relax, relax, relax. To be honest you probably don't know how. I didn't and had to learn. I would some how turn relaxation into work for many years. Now I can for periods of time sit and do nothing. My hubby helped me learn to do it. It's not wasted time like I once thought. It's healing time.

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JCHRELLE_04 2/27/2013 2:32AM

    I hope and pray for your strength to get you through this difficult time hun.
And I know South Beach is really tough.. but you have a lot of support here and it has helped a lot of people dealing with infertility. I'm on the South Beach lifestyle myself... we can push one another. I struggle too. But I know over time it will get better.
I was thinking of getting a Fitbit too. Think you convinced me to save up for one. =)

Your such a strong person! You can do anything. We can do it!!

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ALASKABRED 2/26/2013 11:48PM

    I am so sorry for your loss and wish you the best. It sounds like you have a plan and direction you need to follow, which is good. Also, as you said, you have good things in your life, your husband, dream job, a good family. With your positive frame of mind I am sure you will persevere.

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TLG71567 2/26/2013 11:38PM

    I am so sorry to hear about your losses. My neice lost a baby girl three years ago. It was so sad. We knew that she wasn't going to live and we all got to hold her before she died. It was truly heartbreaking. I hope that the doctors can figure it out and get everything under control. Good luck with getting and staying pregnant. I hope it works out for you. God bless.

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