Tuesday, February 26, 2013
when i was about 18 I went from 165 to 137 lbs, healthily with a lot of hard work and determination. My goal weight at the time was about 125. The thing about that was I was actually getting really skinny, but my mind had no idea.
At the time i posted this picture on FB with the caption "Fatty" underneath it, because i really did not see how skinny i got only my imperfections.
My doctor even told me i needed to stop losing weight, and in my head i thought she was crazy. I remember thinking 'haha yeah right, i still have a long way to go'. I still saw all the fat on my body, all the love handles, all the thunder thighs, I was not seeing what was really in the mirror.
Looking back, I definitely see how skinny i got and wonder why i couldn't see it then.
I would kill to be that size again! Now i'm a little concerned if maybe i was anorexic (certainly had the mindset of one i believe) and i'm even more concerned that might happen again this second go around. I've told a couple of friends this story and asked for their help if they see any signs of me not noticing my weight loss. I'm not even sure what signs i should be looking out for since at the time i truly, honestly believed i was not skinny and i really had a long way to go, so as of now i just remind myself 'oh look you lost some weight, oh look your belly is slimming down, hey look your muscles are toning up', because i definitely wouldn't want to go back to that dangerous mind set again. How does one even know if they've gone off the deep end anyway, if they're already gone? What if this happens again and my friends even tell me I need to stop losing weight but i don't believe them, or think they're just trying to sabotage me (exactly what i had thought about my doctor xp)? It's kind of scary to think about since i was there before. I just want to be healthy and fit, mind, body, and spirit.
I have come to accept who i am today, my weight mainly, so here's a picture of who i am today:
And here's to a better tomorrow.