Tuesday, February 26, 2013
When my son was a little guy there was an animated movie about a robot society (I think maybe it was just called "Robots") that had several cutesy catch phrases in it. One character built his life around "See a need, fill a need" and was a successful inventor/businessrobot. Another character built his life around "Never try, never fail" and was a homeless bum who never accomplished anything.
One of these phrases is admirable and something to aspire toward. The other is the one I've always lived by. "Never try, never fail." It's so true for me. I've spent so many years paralyzed by the thought of failing that I've become the ultimate failure... the one who never even started!
This is my challenge this week. I've spent so many years convincing myself that my life is out of my control. I believed I wasn't fat and so couldn't see what some pictures I saw the other day were trying to tell me. I believed everything was great the way it was and totally missed the part about life sucking.
But, truth is, my life really does kind of suck. I mean, it's great in a lot of ways. I have amazing kids. I'm no longer living with an alcoholic. I finally have a really good relationship with my parents. But that's not enough! I can't pay my bills. I can't even afford the court filing fees for a divorce. I haven't gone on a date. Heck, the only man I've even talked to in the last two years was needy and annoying. When I got a new phone number a few months ago he didn't get it
I have missed out on so much because I've spent my life being afraid of putting myself out there, making myself vulnerable. Yes, I was picked on, laughed at, and even bullied in elementary school and at home when I was a child. I'm not a child anymore. Yes, I am really hard on myself when I make a commitment and then let someone down. But I'm letting myself down by not trying! I know I can handle a lot more than I give myself credit for!
The biggest rewards always come when I take the biggest risks. As this woman I met over the weekend said, "Get your own 'but' out of the way and you can do it!" "But what if I can't do it?" "But what if I disappointment someone?" Let me try "But what if I never become financially stable and independent?" Isn't that a whole lot scarier?
Please help me find a mantra to replace "Never try, never fail". I have to open myself up to the possibility of failing and letting people down and making an idiot of myself if I'm ever going to truly succeed.