jokes and monday review
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
goals for week of Sunday, Feb 17- Saturday Feb 23
A good friend suggest I come up with a goals and reward system so this is it.
1. complete my food and exercise diary on my fitness pal I DID ON MONDAY
2. balance my food and exercise diary on my fitness pal I DID
3. Drink between 10-12 cups of water everyday yep I did
4. NO stress eating or binging I was good
5. Trying to stay positive for a day I actually made it
6. listen to my coach and do her exercises yep
7. Do a morning cardio workout or sleep a extra half an hour if I am free in the evening yes did it
8. Do a evening cardio workout or do something for church. Okay was at a church meeting
9 no chip, no m&m no peanut butter or a small amount in my my smothies or on my oatmeal less than a teaspoon, no more than 2 cracker at a time for a day yep did it
10. Lose at least 1 pound
11. Blog yes
12 my prayers to God everyday yes
13 find three positives things a day and post them somewhere yes
14 try to walk more than 12 mile this week
56-46 Goals met-spend a hour of me time and don’t feel guilty and get s new phone app or sbuy myself something special
5-35-goals met-buy a new book
35 -25 goal met get to buy handful of dice on dice with buddy on iphone
The Old Perfesser!) poses the following problem to one of
“A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go
to his daughter, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his
brother, and the rest to his wife. Now, what does each get?”
After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Pauly raises his
hand and says, “A lawyer
Where are you from
Theater Guest A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theater.
When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, “Sorry, sir, but you’re only allowed one seat.”
The man groaned but didn’t budge.
The usher became impatient. “Sir, if you don’t get up from there I’m going to have to call the manager.”
Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success.
Finally, they summoned the police.
The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, “All right buddy, what’s your name?”
“Sam,” the man moaned.
“Where ya from, Sam?”
With pain in his voice Sam replied “… the balcony.”
An elderly couple was watching a show where a preacher was talking about the healing power of God.
- To all of those who are ailed by some sickness, place your hand on the screen and I will heal you! the preacher exclaimed.
The old lady, who was having some stomach problems, placed her hand on the top of the T.V.
The old man placed his hand on the T.V. also, then stuck his hand deep into his pants.
His wife looks over at him and says:
- Gordon, the preacher is talking about healing the sick, not raising the dead!
Room Air Conditioner
A customer is continually bothering a waiter in a restaurant. First he asks for the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asks for it be turned down because its too cold, and so on for about half an hour. Surprisingly, the waiter is very patient, walking back and forth and never getting angry. So finally, a second customer asks, “Hey, why don’t you just throw out that pest?” “Oh, I don’t mind,” says the waiter with a smile. “We don’t even have an air conditioner.”