If it's not working, try something else.
Simple. Logical. Easy. Easy? Hmm.....
In jotting a brief comment to Suz on a blog yesterday (can one actually 'jot' using a keyboard rather than a pen/pencil?) I mentioned that I had been blissfully offline over the weekend. A truer statement has not been made.. at least not in the last week or so. I tried, for a while, to be present and engaged here on Spark on the weekend, at least blogging and commenting on blogs, posts, etc. It all just started to feel like too much pressure, too high of a demand on my time, and so I took a step back. Then I tripped over a curb and nearly landed on my proverbial *ss.
Several of you helped stop me from throwing in the towel, throwing my hands up, tossing the baby out with the bathwater.. apparently my mind wants to play with cliches and colloquialisms this morning.
Anyway, you - my sistahs in sweat and stubborness and struggle - you helped. Fluttering around the edges of my mind were snippets of wispy thoughts -
It's not going to work.
Embrace the fat.
Just be yourself, stop struggling.
Stop making yourself miserable.
Maybe I can blame still-lingering hormones. Maybe I can blame feeling pressured to do, to conform, in ways that seem pointless to me. Maybe I can blame it on a lot of things.
I enjoyed the three days offline, spending a good amount of time doing what makes me happy. If, by doing that, I happened to fulfill other obligations, then great. I didn't go out of my way to make things happen.
This.. and by this, picture me waving my hands around, indicating the all-encompassing 'everything'.. is p*ssing me off. It's nobody's fault but my own. Nobody can fix it but me. That's what I need to focus on, and that's what I'm going to do.
I was successful at the start of this year, losing bits and pieces of lbs consistently that added up. I recorded my weight and watched the patterns and understood that I'd gain a little before I'd lose a little more. I was happy with the pattern, and the progress. I've lost that momentum due to a variety of reasons and I need to return to those previous methods - looking back to figure a way forward. Simple, straight forward, no frills, no navel-gazing, no greater good.
Simple. Clean. Focus. Doing what works. That's my plan to keep moving forward.